better-men

March 2026

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 08:00:35 GMT

Masculinity, Responsibility & the Reality of Modern Manhood

Reflecting on Identity, Energy, and What It Truly Means to Show Up as a Man

For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years, and in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards - only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis and divorce.

My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading toward it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success, is for you.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Masculinity in the Spotlight.

Masculinity is having a moment, not a quiet one, either. It’s being debated, criticised, defended, and, increasingly, monetised. Scroll through Netflix, and you’ll see it in dramatisations like Adolescence or, more recently, Louis Theroux’s documentary "The Manosphere", and a pattern emerges: masculinity isn’t just being explored; it’s being packaged, polarised, and sold.

You see, masculinity, as a social construct, has always evolved, but what’s different now is the scale and speed at which it’s being shaped, not by lived experience but by algorithms, content creators, and media narratives designed to capture attention, not necessarily serve growth. Concerningly, masculinity, through this lens and in this context, becomes less about identity and more about engagement metrics.

Young men, especially, are being pulled in two directions. On one side, there’s traditional masculinity; aspects of it are outdated, problematic, and something to be softened or dismantled. On the other hand, there’s the manosphere with Tate-ish, hypermasculine identities centred around dominance, wealth and emotional detachment – often dressed up as strength but more accurately rooted in insecurity.

Both ends of the spectrum are profitable, but neither offers much in the way of grounded direction.

If a boy or young man is uncertain about who he is, he’ll look outward – like we did. He’ll search for answers in content, personalities, and ideologies, all offering certainty, all competing for his attention.

But here’s what’s quietly missing from much of this conversation: real, everyday, visible men. Men who aren’t performing masculinity but living it. Think about how a father speaks to his children, how a man treats his partner. Think about how a good man handles pressure, responsibility, and failure or whether he tells the truth or keeps his word. This is where masculinity is actually learnt, not in extremes but in example.

Decades of psychological research reinforce this: children don’t learn values from what they’re told, but from what they consistently observe. Behaviour is modelled, not instructed, which means masculinity isn’t taught in moments; it’s absorbed over time.

While the media argues about what masculinity should be, there’s a more important question closer to home: 'What does mine look like in practice?' Being a better man isn’t complex; it’s not about image or ideology. It’s about responsibility and virtue; it’s about showing up even when no one’s watching.

The world doesn’t need more content about masculinity; it needs more men willing to live it, quietly, consistently, and in full view of those who are watching and learning what it means to be a man. Consider and reflect, using the quotes above, how you show up as a man and for masculinity:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: The Slow Drain of Daily Pressure.

Before you read on, pause for a moment and consider how it actually feels to be you…?

For many men, a lack of vigour and vitality isn’t dramatic or obvious; it doesn’t arrive as collapse; it shows up quietly, as low energy, brain fog, irritability, and a persistent sense of running on empty.

You wake in the morning feeling tired and depleted, or subtly overwhelmed by what’s waiting in your diary. The day hasn’t even begun, yet you feel behind – and so you do what you do and push on.

Biologically, our bodies aren’t designed for the sustained load of modern midlife. With constant cognitive demand and chronic stress, it’s no surprise that studies now show a significant proportion of men report ongoing fatigue, poor sleep, and reduced vitality.

What these men, and perhaps you reading this, experience isn’t just general tiredness; it’s an innate response to an unnatural pace of living.

Day after day, for decades, many men walk a tightrope between professional pressure and personal responsibility. Work demands more; family needs more; and somewhere in the middle, you begin to offer less of yourself, not by choice, but by depletion.

The outcome is predictable: patience shortens, tolerance drops, and being in the room becomes a grating feeling; the things that once gave you energy now feel like effort. And the noise of life never stops; there’s always something else to do, solve, or react to.

Beneath it all sits a quiet, nagging feeling: despite doing your best, you’re falling short… or worse, failing. So you compensate with more effort, more hours, and more pushing through. But here’s the truth most men avoid: the problem isn’t that life is demanding; it’s that you’re trying to meet those demands from an empty tank.

Fatigue doesn’t just make you tired; it disconnects you from your vitality, and vitality is more than energy; it’s how you show up in your life.

It’s worth asking yourself, honestly, is tolerating your life how you want to spend your finite years?

And while it might feel easier to keep going as you are, pushing through, getting by, and holding it all together, there comes a point where endurance is no longer a virtue; it’s avoidance, and at some stage, the question you hear in your mind changes from 'Can I keep going like this?’ to 'Why am I choosing to?' ’. Take a moment to get honest; use the prompts below to consider your life:

If I’m honest, where am I running on empty but pretending I’m fine?
If I continue living at this pace for the next 3-5 years, what will it cost me in my health, relationships, and sense of self?
What would need to change if I were to stop tolerating this level of fatigue and start taking responsibility for my energy and vitality?

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom: The Collapse of Modern Attention.

In this episode, Cal Newport, author and thought leader, breaks down what’s really happening to our attention and why so many of us feel mentally fatigued, distracted, and strangely unproductive despite being constantly busy.

The core idea is simple but confronting: we’re not struggling because we’re lazy; we’re struggling because the way we work is broken. Research shows knowledge workers are interrupted as often as every two minutes, leaving little space for meaningful, focused work.

The result? Days filled with activity but very little progress. Mental fog, low-grade stress, a constant sense of being ‘on’ but never truly effective.

What makes this episode powerful is that it doesn’t just diagnose the problem; it reframes it. In a world flooded with noise, distraction, and even AI, the real competitive advantage is no longer working harder – it's your ability to focus.

If you’ve ever felt busy but ineffective, or mentally tired without knowing why, this conversation will give you both clarity and practical ways to reclaim control.

This month’s recommendation is: All That Man Is.

All That Man Is by David Szalay is not a comfortable read, but that’s exactly why I’m recommending it.

Structured as a series of interconnected stories, it traces men at different stages of life, each confronting a quiet, often self-inflicted crisis. What emerges is a sobering portrait of modern masculinity: disconnection, fragile relationships, unspoken regret, and a deep, underlying loneliness.

Szalay’s brilliance lies in the detail. The setting of each story mirrors the inner worlds of the characters: cold, sparse, transactional, reinforcing the emotional distance many of these men live within. There’s no hero here, no redemption arc neatly tied up, just an unspoken truth.

For men willing to look honestly at their relationships, their choices, and the life they’re building, this book becomes a confrontation and, potentially, a catalyst.

Success. Freedom. Liberty. They sound like noble aspirations, don’t they?

But without an acceptance of responsibility, pursuing these leaves makes men more lost than liberated.

Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist, and author of the recommended read, Man’s Search for Meaning, understood this in a way few ever could. Frankl proposed that just as the Statue of Liberty stands tall on the East Coast as a symbol of freedom, there should be a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast. Think about that, a physical monument to the truth that freedom must be paired with responsibility.

Many men wrongly assume that when they become professionally successful, life gets easier. It doesn't; life never gets easier. We must get better, and better is always born from responsibility.

Responsibility for your growth.

Responsibility for your relationships.

Responsibility for your health, your emotions, and your impact on others.

For me, freedom is not the absence of duty; it’s the conscious acceptance of it. If you’re feeling the weight of success but with an emptiness of meaning, maybe you’re missing what Frankl knew: the quality of your life will always mirror the weight of the responsibility you're willing to carry.

If lived history causes you to question your ability to take responsibility, do what hundreds of other good men have done: put your trust in me. It starts with a simple DM. Do it today, not tomorrow.

This month’s TED Talk is: Why You Will Fail to Have a Great Career.

Larry Smith doesn’t motivate or inspire in the traditional sense; he confronts and calls out the excuses most men make when they avoid pursuing what actually matters to them.

What makes this talk powerful is its honesty. Smith’s argument is simple: most people won’t have a great career, not because they can’t, but because they won’t do what it requires.pe; it’s about learning to listen to yourself when the world is telling you to do the opposite.

At its core, this isn’t just about careers; it’s about the temptation to hide behind excuses and not act on what you know to be true.

This is one of those talks that’s uncomfortable because it’s true. If you’re settling, delaying, or quietly tolerating a life that doesn’t fit, this talk will hit.

February’s walk was classic Men & Mountains: 21 motivated men taking on 7 lumpy miles across the tops of the Brecon Beacons.

Our walk started with a meet and greet with Western Beacons Mountain Rescue, our charitable partner for 2026. After a few minutes of meaningful conversation, we crossed a stile and began our first climb of the day toward Craig Cerrig Gleisiad, a beautiful glacial bowl.

After wandering around the area, we ditched a few layers of clothing before taking on a significant, leg- and lung-busting climb. Back on the tops and under broken cloud, we aimed ourselves at the high point of the walk, Fan Fawr. After summiting, we took on the step, a grassy descent back towards the A470 and our start/finish point.

Sadly, with sustaining a broken ankle, there won’t be any organised mountain walks for the next couple of months. That said, if you’re already a member or are keen to join us, here’s our agenda for the next few months:

19 April – Sauna, Coastal walk and Lunch (Oxwich Bay, Gower)
10 May – Food, Beers, Comedy Club (Cardiff Bay)
12-14 Jun – 3-Day Mountain Event (Lake District)

See images from February’s walk here .

"If I Ever Have Boys Poem"

This poem, by Daragh Fleming, was brought to my attention by a good friend who tagged me in a LinkedIn post.

I hope you’ll watch the video and agree, it’s powerful and emotive in equal measure.

Please give its words and meaning, the time, heart and consideration it deserves.

February 2026

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 08:27:02 GMT

Emotional Numbness in Men: The Hidden Cost of Success

The Silent Crisis Facing High-Achieving Men

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Emotional Numbness and The Cost of Living From the Neck Up.

Ask a man how he’s feeling and listen carefully to what comes back. You’ll rarely hear an emotion; instead, you’ll hear something sounding like 'Busy, mate, you?', 'Work's hectic, or 'Yeah, not too bad…'

You’ll hear superficial dismissal; you’ll hear thinking, explaining, and analysing, but very little feeling.

This isn’t accidental; it’s conditioning. From a young age, most men are trained in cognition and role-modelled suppression. We’re rewarded for logic, composure, and problem-solving and subtly punished for emotional expression. Over time, we become fluent in thinking but illiterate in feeling, and so a quiet disconnection sets in.

Research consistently shows that men have a far smaller emotional vocabulary than women and are significantly less likely to discuss their internal states. Psychologists call this normative male alexithymia, the difficulty identifying and describing emotions, and it’s strongly linked to higher rates of depression, relationship breakdown, and, sadly, suicide.

In the UK, three out of four suicides are men, not because men feel less, but because many don’t know how to access what they feel or don’t feel safe enough to express it, so they default to what they know: rational explanation.

Men tell you why something makes sense instead of saying how it feels or hurts. They offer solutions instead of vulnerability; they stay in their heads because the body feels like unfamiliar territory.

Yet the truth is simple: the body always knows first, through tension, fatigue, irritability, restlessness, or numbness. These are not weaknesses; they are signals, invitations and messages asking to be heard.

In my work, I help men make a shift; I invite them out of their heads and back into their bodies because when a man reconnects with what he truly feels, something profound changes. He becomes less tense and reactive and instead is clearer, calmer, more present and self-trusting. Consider and reflect, using the quotes above, on how you’re experiencing yourself in your own life:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why Men Refuse the Call of Change, Even When Life Is Clearly Not Working.

There comes a point in many men’s lives when the evidence is undeniable. The job feels heavy rather than meaningful, success feels strangely hollow, relationships feel functional rather than alive, energy is lower, patience thinner, and purpose foggier.

It’s not dramatic. It’s quieter than that. It feels like drifting, slowly, steadily, toward life’s proverbial rocks. And yet, despite seeing the warning signs, many men still refuse the call of change.

This is the enduring power of the Myth of Masculinity: the belief that if we just work hard enough, achieve enough, and provide enough, happiness will eventually follow.

But the data tells a different story. Midlife, particularly between 40 and 55, is consistently shown to be the lowest point in male life satisfaction. Divorce rates peak during this period, male loneliness is now described as an epidemic, with men significantly less likely to maintain close friendships, and in the UK, suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50.

This isn’t a coincidence. It’s a consequence.

Many men are living plagiarised lives, lives shaped by expectation, comparison, and silent pressure; they spend decades pursuing external markers of success while an internal void quietly widens. By midlife, the cost becomes harder to ignore. Yet instead of changing course, many men respond in predictable ways.

Some withdraw, becoming smaller, quieter, and emotionally distant. Others double down, working harder, earning more, pushing faster, hoping motion will fix meaning. Both are forms of resistance.

Change at midlife isn’t just practical; it’s existential. It requires letting go of identities that once defined you, admitting that success didn’t deliver what you were promised, and accepting that life isn’t a problem to solve but an adventure to live.

At some point, because the tensions won’t disappear, the dissatisfaction won’t fade, and the quiet voice won’t go away – it’ll only grow louder – life’s invitation to change will expire.

But when a man finally turns toward his challenges, something remarkable happens: obstacles become opportunities, fear creates clarity, and the loss of self can birth a newer, truer identity.

Midlife isn’t a time to survive. It’s an invitation to recalibrate, and, for many men, myself and clients, the first real chance to build a life that is truly their own. Take a moment to get honest; use the prompts below to consider your life:

What parts of your life feel stuck and frustrating, and how long have you known this to be true?
What is the quiet voice inside you currently asking for that you keep postponing or silencing?
Where in your life are you quietly tolerating what the best version of you would never accept?

This month’s recommendation is: Pete Wicks' Man Made.

In this raw and deeply honest discussion, Professor Green (Stephen Manderson) opens up about the long shadow of childhood trauma, the search for safety in his own body, and the complicated journey of learning how to support himself and, now, his son.

There’s no self-help gloss or tidy conclusions; instead, it’s an uncommon dialogue about accountability, grief and fatherhood. The work of becoming emotionally aware later in life, especially for men who grew up without being taught the tools to support themselves.

There’s no self-help gloss or tidy conclusions; instead, it’s an uncommon dialogue about accountability, grief, fatherhood, and the work of becoming emotionally aware later in life – especially for men who grew up without being taught the tools to support themselves.

For any man navigating the tension between the past that shaped him and the responsibility of raising the next generation differently, this conversation offers something rare and is worthy of your time – skip the intro and midpoint adverts, though.

This month’s recommendation is: Five Decembers.

This was a book gifted to me by a friend, one of those quiet recommendations that comes without hype, just a simple, ‘I think you’ll like this.' My friend was right; it’s a compelling, unapologetic page-turner.

On the surface, it’s a gripping crime story featuring relentless pursuit, brutal violence, high stakes, and a detective who refuses to quit. But what makes it linger isn’t just the action; it’s the man at the centre of it.

He’s not polished, not heroic in the Hollywood sense, but he’s tough and burdened and shaped by the realities of his time.

Published in 2022 but set in World War 2, the story spans years of hardship and loss and reminds us that behind a man’s toughness often sits pain, and that sometimes, the bravest thing a man does is simply continue – if you want an absorbing read, pick up a copy.

The inner nagging you're ignoring is costing you more than you think!

You’ve climbed the ladder, built the business, and ticked the boxes. You’ve spent years doing what you were told mattered, yet beneath the thin veneer of success, something feels off.

I see you. You’re the successful executive, the respected leader, and the ambitious business owner who privately wonders, 'How have I achieved so much yet feel so empty?’

There's an inner nagging within you, a restless whisper you’ve learned to silence with busyness, distraction, or denial. You rationalise it: I'll slow down later, things will be different next year, or the ever-elusive I'll be happy when…

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: every day you ignore that whisper, you risk paying the price in loneliness, failing relationships, or silent regret.

Real success isn’t measured in your bank balance or boardroom title. It’s measured in health, connection, and moments that truly matter.

You can keep quieting that inner voice, or you can finally listen and choose meaningful change.

My clients are men like you. Men who've realised success without fulfilment are little more than failure disguised. They’ve stopped tolerating emptiness in exchange for societal approval and started investing courageously in themselves and their futures.

So let me ask you candidly…

What’s your inner nagging telling you, and how much longer will you pretend not to hear it?

This month’s TED Talk is: How to Claim Your Leadership Power.

This is an honest talk with a simple but powerful message many men quietly need to hear. Magnus Walker, an unlikely entrepreneur who built a global fashion brand from instinct rather than strategy, speaks about something we’re often conditioned to ignore: our gut feeling.

He reflects on how society pushes us toward logic, safety, and approval, while our deepest direction usually comes from something far less rational, an internal knowing we can’t always explain. What makes this talk resonate is its ‘northern’ honesty. It’s not about motivation or hype; it’s about learning to listen to yourself when the world is telling you to do the opposite.

For men who feel they need to override instinct in favour of responsibility, expectation, or certainty, it’s a timely reminder: sometimes the clearest guidance doesn’t come from thinking harder; it comes from learning to trust what you already feel.

January’s Men & Mountains was a lumpy affair! In typical mountainous weather, damp and misty, 26 men stepped off on a route that focused on the less explored and more remote northern aspect of Pen Y Fan.

With an undulating, trailblazing route that includes a couple of stream crossings and lung-busting climbs, it was good, adventurous fun. Our topic of conversation was: what did you learn about yourself or life in 2025, and how will you apply those lessons in 2026?

Our first walk of the year also provided the opportunity to share our charitable partner for 2026: Western Beacons Mountain Rescue. Whilst there’s no cost to join our walks, we actively encourage all attendees to support our charitable initiative; the suggested donation is just £5 per walk.

We love the hills, and we also know how quickly a great day out can turn serious when the weather shifts, someone slips, or a route goes wrong. That's why we’re pleased to be raising money for the volunteers who respond 24/7, 365 days a year. As Martin Thompson (our Charity Secretary) put it, 'Every pound helps keep our mountains, and the people who enjoy them, safer.'

Check out their website here .

View our JustGiving page for those who wish to support our cause here .

See images from our January walk here .

If you have basic equipment and reasonable fitness, join us; our forthcoming walks are:

8 March
19 April
10 May

Is this really the life I want to be living?

For years, many men cope by staying busy, pushing harder, or distracting themselves.

But eventually, the noise fades, and what remains is a simple question:

Is this really the life I want to be living?

Avoiding that question doesn’t make it disappear; it only delays the moment you must face it.

That’s why I created the BetterMen Midlife assessment.

It’s a simple, honest self-diagnostic tool designed to help you sense-check where you truly are right now across key areas of life.

It takes less than 2 minutes and can be the first step in taking ownership of what comes next.

January 2026

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 11:30:04 GMT

Take Control of Your Life: Insights, Reflection & Growth for Men

Monthly Guidance to Navigate Success, Pressure, and Midlife Challenges

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: The Cost of Carrying Pressure Alone .

I’ve heard it said, "The best predictor of the future is the past!" And for many men this month, they’ll begin the year telling themselves this year will be different, it’ll be better, but the reality is it won’t…

They’ll continue ignoring or distracting themselves from the pressure accumulating behind closed doors. They’ll ignore or tolerate the quiet resentment creeping into their relationships. They’ll conveniently ignore the steady slide from drive and ambition into exhaustion and disconnection.

You see, success has a shadow side. It tends to be concealed, hidden, but it’s present and felt; it’s what keeps men awake at night and causes irritability, withdrawal, emotional absence…

We keep saying yes when we should say no, we keep carrying responsibility because we feel that’s what’s expected, and we keep postponing our health and rest because there’s always a competing priority or urgent demand.

But what we refuse to acknowledge internally, we pay for externally, and because men are conditioned to absorb pressure silently and privately, they’re vulnerable to carrying the weight of pressure and responsibility alone. Studies consistently show that fewer than 3 in 10 men experiencing anxiety or depression seek professional help.

In my work, I see many successful men presenting as capable, composed, and in control, while internally running on strain, self-doubt, and chronic stress. The problem these men are experiencing isn’t pressure itself; it’s pressure being carried without language, without outlet, without witness.

And what stays unspoken doesn’t stay contained; it leaks into irritability, loneliness, poor health, burnout, or sudden rupture. You see, avoidance always invoices us later. Every boundary not set, every conversation delayed, every internal signal ignored—the cost compounds quietly until it shows up in our health, our marriages, or our sense of self.

Awareness is often the first step back to alignment; as we step into a new year, take a moment to get honest; use the quotes above to notice where pressure is being carried in silos.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Starting the New Year feeling Stuck or Trapped… .

Feeling stuck or trapped in midlife rarely arrives as a dramatic breakdown; more often, it shows up quietly as restlessness, low-grade dissatisfaction, or the sense that you’re busy all day yet oddly absent from your own life.

By midlife, many men have mastered chronic busyness; think: full calendars and constant responsibility. On the surface, it looks like success; underneath, it’s often something else. Busyness becomes a habit, one that provides a superficial comfort or convenient distraction from the quiet pains of everyday dissatisfaction.

Have you noticed yet that, over time, we can become slaves to expectation, who the world needs us to be, and who our younger self thought we should be by now? Without realising it, we start living reactively, maintaining momentum rather than choosing direction, and when life no longer fits, we don’t question the frame; we just try to endure it better.

Midlife is the moment when most men’s life strategy begins to fail, where numbing is understandable and where avoidance becomes strategic – but both of these coping strategies are flawed, as they trade short-term relief for long-term discontent.

Eventually, through adversity or a quiet loss of meaning, life demands our attention. Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, captured it perfectly: ‘When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.’ Midlife isn’t a failure of ambition; it’s an invitation to reassess what we’re ambitious about…

This stage of life, and the stuckness that can come with it, can feel confusing. But beyond that, it’s a call to reimagine success and to take greater responsibility for the life you actually want to live. Take a moment with the prompts below and ask yourself: are you stuck… or have you slowly become trapped in a life you once wanted?

Where in my life am I busy but not fulfilled, and what is that busyness helping me avoid?
Which habits or routines once served me but are now quietly keeping me stuck?
If success were no longer defined by status or income, how would I define it today?

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom.

As a fan of Arthur Brooks’s writing, I really enjoyed this episode of Modern Wisdom. Brooks isn’t speaking in vague platitudes; he breaks down specific morning and evening routines that support clarity, purpose, and resilience, especially for men who feel stuck on autopilot or overwhelmed by life’s complexities.

What makes this episode stand out for me is how it bridges science and lived experience. You get evidence-backed strategies coupled with real talk about why habits matter, how small choices compound over time, and why intentional rhythm is at the heart of a meaningful life.

If you’ve ever felt that your days are full but your life unfulfilling, this conversation gives you actionable tools to change that.

This month’s recommendation is: The Discovery of Slowness by Sten Nadolny.

This is not a book you rush through, and that’s the point. The Discovery of Slowness is beautifully written; it's a novel that reframes one of the traits most men are conditioned to override: slowness.

Through a fictionalised account of Arctic explorer John Franklin, Nadolny explores what happens when a man refuses to match the pace, urgency, and noise of the world around him.

Franklin’s slowness is initially seen as a weakness socially, professionally, and culturally, yet over time, with deep observation, patience under pressure, and steadiness in uncertainty, it becomes his strength.

This isn’t a productivity book or a manifesto for doing less; it’s a thought on tempo, on what we lose when life becomes a sprint, and on how clarity, leadership, and self-trust often emerge when we stop reacting and start noticing. If you’re questioning the pace you’re running at or sense there’s wisdom in slowing down but resist, this book will meet you where you’re at.

Paulo Coelho hit me hard with these words: ‘One day you will wake up, and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Do it now!’

Read that again.

Every day, the sand timer of your life is lessening.

The business.

The meetings.

The grind.

It all feels urgent, but is it important?

How many goals, dreams, or experiences have you deferred? How many moments with loved ones have you traded for one more hour in the office? How many times have you told yourself, ‘I’ll get to it later,’ only to realise later never comes?

Your choice is simple but not easy, especially if you haven’t given yourself the permission to truly live life.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: for so many professionally successful, time-poor men… Time isn’t waiting for you!

If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it, as one day you’ll wake and won’t have the time or energy to do whatever your ‘it’ is…

PS – I can confirm, Lake Louise, as the snow melts, is castratingly cold!

This month’s TED Talk is: How to Claim Your Leadership Power .

If you lead others at work or at home and ever feel frustrated by a lack of ownership around you, this TED Talk is worth your time.

In its 11 minutes, it makes a grounded but confronting case for personal accountability as the foundation of leadership. Michael Timms message is simple: before expecting accountability from others, we must model it ourselves.

He breaks this down into three practical habits: "Don’t blame, Look in the mirror, and Engineer the solution." Blame, he argues, shuts people down and kills problem-solving. Ownership, by contrast, creates safety, something high-performing teams rely on to surface errors, learn quickly, and improve.

A powerful moment comes when Timms shows how small environmental or systems changes can transform behaviour, reminding us that leadership isn’t just about people but the conditions we create. This is a practical, responsibility-driven talk for leaders ready to stop reacting and start owning their impact.

2025 was a year of enriching experiences! It saw us take on the Big Moose Half Marathon in Cardiff, hike and climb in the Italian Dolomites, brave a named storm in Snowdonia, and partake in the Project 1 Million 24-hour charity bike ride.

December gave us a truly fitting finish to another year of shared challenge, connection, and camaraderie in the shape of our Festive Gathering.

We were gifted with reasonable weather and a gentle 7-mile route that included finding the downed Canadian bomber on the tops around Garreg Goch.

After our walk, we showered, changed into festive attire, and reconvened at The Stables in Ystradgynlais. They did a fantastic job of feeding us and creating a warm, welcoming atmosphere that perfectly matched the spirit of our gathering.

Those staying local to Ystradgynlais benefited from the absence of taxis and enjoyed a head-clearing 2.5-mile walk back to their accommodation. The next morning, to round off a wholesome and deeply connecting 24 hours, a few adventurous souls braved a cold dip at the spectacular 90 ft Henrhyd Falls – where the Batman, Dark Knight Rises, waterfall scene was filmed.

All in all, a strong, connecting end to our year, shared properly, and in the spirit of Men & Mountains.

See images from our Festive Gathering here .

In 2026, we’ll be walking monthly. Our initial dates for the year include:

18 January
8 February
8 March
19 April

Join us for connection, community, and shared challenge:

Feeling frustrated, adrift, or exhausted by 2025? Let’s talk!

I’m a coach, confidant, sounding board, and critical friend to men who are serious about success. Many of them are MDs, founders, CEOs, C-suite leaders, and senior executives navigating high-stakes, high-pressure environments.

In the private, discreet space I create, they upgrade their mental game and bring their life performance forward – achieving not just professional success but personal happiness and sustainable work-life integration.

My work isn’t about theory or jargon. It’s about facilitating thought-provoking conversations that invite curiosity, compassion, and courage, the kind that help men face their truth, understand how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours shape their lives, and take deliberate action to change.

This is solution-focused coaching: identifying what’s working (and what’s not), cultivating a bias toward action, and embedding the subtle but powerful shifts that change everything.

I offer a bespoke, peer-proven coaching service for men who want to live better lives. If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading yourself and your life with clarity, courage, and purpose, send me a message and let’s talk.

The best way to reach me is through my mobile; send me a WhatsApp at 07834456488.

December 2025

Fri, 05 Dec 2025 09:00:46 GMT

Navigating the Festive Season with Clarity, Strength and Intention

How Men Can Lead Themselves Well Through the Festive Season

Before I share this month’s resources, here’s something useful to help you manage the festive season with more intention.

Every year, Christmas is presented as effortless joy. Smiles. Jumpers. Drinks. Perfect families. Perfect moments. But the truth, behind closed doors, is often very different.

For many men, especially those in senior roles, leading businesses in December can feel more like a pressure cooker than a celebration.

There’s the unspoken expectation to hold everything together, stay upbeat, show up well, and keep the peace… even when something inside feels frayed.

In coaching conversations, I hear the same sentences every December: 'Why am I not enjoying this?' 'Why do I feel tense?' and Why can’t I switch off?

Men, particularly those who choose to carry their burdens alone, assume they’re the only ones feeling this way, but the data suggests otherwise:

Over half of men say they feel lonely at Christmas, even when they’re not alone.
More than a third find Christmas stressful, and many worry about overspending.
A quarter of people report their mental well-being dips over the festive season.

Add the usual life load of work, family dynamics, logistics, school holidays, spending, trying to be a present parent, and Christmas can become a perfect storm. Lots of expectation, very little space.

The risk is obvious: men enter January drained, frustrated and already behind, instead of rested and ready to take on the new year.

To help prevent that, I offer clients a simple structure: The Three C’s.

1. Create Space. Think a minimum of 10 minutes for a walk and some fresh air; it offers time to breathe, reset and regulate ourselves. Tell those around you in advance that you’re taking this time each day. It’s the smallest intervention with the biggest return.

2. Check In. Have one person you can speak to when things feel heavy: a friend, a brother, or someone you trust. Keeping everything inside only intensifies the pressure; offloading doesn’t make you weaker; it keeps you functioning.

3. Consciously Consume. What you eat, drink, watch and scroll shapes your state. Be aware of your choices; yes, relax, but avoid escapism and self-sabotage. Think: Will I be proud of this in January? That question alone can create awareness and greater congruence.

Small decisions across December shape a man’s ability to enter January with clarity, capacity and control. Success over Christmas isn’t about doing more; it’s about being honest to your own needs, and it’s about being deliberate.

For me, a man sets himself up for success in December by being deliberate, not reactive, and as with the three C’s above, it starts with protecting small pockets of space so he can regulate himself before the pressure builds. If Christmas is a good time of year for you, I wish you a wonderful experience; if it’s not, I hope you honour your needs and follow the advice above.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme, as we enter into a month that perhaps offers us the space for greater self-reflection, is: The Man Within, and Why You Must Make Time to Befriend Yourself.

Within every man, there is a hidden man, the part of us that knows the truth long before we’re willing to say it out loud. He’s the one who feels the tension when life drifts off course. The one who notices the compromises, the quiet frustrations, the moments where we pretend everything’s fine – even when we know it’s not. He’s there in all of us, but many men spend decades avoiding him.

No one other than you knows what it feels like to be you. Not your partner, your friends, and certainly not your colleagues or employees. People see your behaviour and the role you play, but not the weight you carry.

Only you know the pressure you’re under, the questions you avoid, and the parts of yourself you’ve postponed dealing with, which is why befriending yourself isn’t optional; it’s essential.

In today’s frantic, non-stop world, men rarely make time to sit with themselves. Instead, we make time for work, for obligations, for socials and scrolling, but not for the one relationship that shapes every other: our relationship with ourselves.

When we don’t make that time, we slide, not in dramatic, overnight ways, but slowly, quietly, one small compromise at a time. We tolerate things we shouldn’t, and we numb what needs attention; we become spectators in our own lives!

But when a man slows down long enough to hear and feel himself, he can begin to lead himself. He can realign his life and become someone he recognises again: a man he’s proud of. In the end, befriending yourself is the gateway to better self-leadership, because when you know yourself, the hidden man within finally gets a voice.

Use the quotes above to consider how well you’re showing up in your own life.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why Men Need to Stop Measuring Success by Productivity and Start Measuring It by Presence.

For too long, men have been conditioned to measure success by output: productivity, efficiency, achievement, the next milestone, the next win. It’s a head-led, hyper-logical way of living that often keeps us chasing societal definitions of success while quietly disconnecting us from ourselves and the people who matter most.

But here’s the truth: if success comes at the cost of presence, it costs too much!

Yet men often prioritise productivity over connection, work over relationships, and performance over emotional honesty. In doing so, they ignore the intuitive nudges, the heart-led signals that something isn’t right. Instead of slowing down, they speed up; instead of tuning in, they push on.

As we move into the festive season, this becomes even more visible: parenting, marriage, friendships, and blended family dynamics all require presence, not performance. Children don’t remember how busy you were; they remember if you were there. Partners don’t want a more productive man; they want a more available one.

Life isn’t happening to us; it’s responding to us. If you feel disconnected from your purpose, your partner, your children, or your friends, the answer isn’t to do more; it's to be more. More attentive, more available, more present. Help yourself by reflecting on the prompts below:

What relationships have I neglected in my pursuit of work or achievement?
If presence became my new measure of success, how would my days actually change?
As Christmas approaches, what moments do I want to remember, and how do I need to show up to create them?

This month’s recommendation is: Rich Roll Podcast.

If you’re worn down by productivity culture or feel constantly behind, this Rich Roll episode is worth your time. Rich, known for his depth, curiosity and his ability to draw out the truth in people, sits with Oliver Burkeman, the bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks and one of, in my opinion, the clearest thinkers on time, attention, and the modern overwhelm.

Together, they explore why our obsession with efficiency is making life smaller, not better, and why the real solution isn’t doing more, but choosing better. Burkeman’s thinking cuts through the noise; he explains why so many high-performing men feel stretched, stuck or secretly dissatisfied, and what to do about it.

If you want to rethink how you spend/invest your time and reclaim a sense of agency in a world that constantly demands more, this is a powerful listen.

This month’s recommendation is Booker Prize winner: Flesh.

Flesh reads like a thriller, driven by stripped-back, precise prose. It pulls you straight into the turbulent life of Istvan, a man who looks strong and unshakeable from the outside, yet is slowly exposed by the tragedies and pressures that shape him.

What makes this book particularly relevant for men is how clearly it captures the tension between appearance and reality. Istvan projects robustness, but his internal world tells a different story: the strain, the psychological unravelling, the quiet battle to hold himself together. It’s a compelling pick-up-put-down novel that moves fast and reveals something true about the male experience.

Here’s a piece on masculinity and our responsibility to mature it:

From birth, boys are shaped by three forces: parental expectations, societal norms and educational messaging. Together they create a one-dimensional blueprint for what a man ‘should’ be: work hard, provide, protect, stay strong, stay silent, stay successful and, above all, stay self-sufficient.

Most men still follow this conditioning without realising it. Not only does it break us, but it also sets us up for failure in midlife…

Suicide remains the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK. Thirty-two per cent of men say they don’t have a best friend. The least happy and most anxious men in the population are those aged 40–49, the same age bracket in which most divorces occur. These aren’t isolated statistics; they’re signals of a system that no longer works.

Masculinity, as we inherited it, is outdated. While the world accelerates, we as men are stagnating, clinging to a model built for a different era. It’s time to acknowledge the obvious: the old blueprint is obsolete, and unless we change it, the next generation will inherit the same limitations, the same challenges, and the same uncompromising expectations.

We need to mature masculinity into something fit for purpose. Something more human, something fit for our modern era, something that actually helps men live, not just endure.

My vision is simple: the men of today redefine what ‘successful masculinity’ looks like. We take responsibility for leading ourselves first, then those we influence: families, colleagues and communities. We stop waiting for someone else to fix it. We stop hiding behind the mask of ‘I’m fine.’

This isn’t a message of hope; it’s a message of change. If we don’t break the cycle of complacency, our sons and daughters will pay for our inaction.

In Rethinking Masculinity, I highlight the challenges men face: workaholism, the respectable addiction; loneliness, which is worse for your health than obesity; Poor mental health, the leading cause of death for young men; Midlife crisis is a transition every man experiences, but few navigate well, and divorce is often the consequence of emotional absence, not incompatibility.

The new blueprint of masculinity proposed in my book counters the lives most men live. Instead of men neglecting and sacrificing their health, happiness, and relationships in the pursuit of professional success, I invite men to lead themselves, to be clear on who they are, what they stand for, and how they will live. To invest time and effort in their key relationships, if they have them, to nurture and support their children fully. To use their financial position to facilitate greater life experiences and build memories they will never forget. Finally, the last part of the blueprint is continued, but with conscious, professional success. No more noses to the grindstone; this is the new winning formula for modern men. If you’re ready, or even curious, about the changes you could make in your life, you can get a copy of Rethinking Masculinity for free (just cover postage); the final day for pre-Christmas delivery is 19th December.

Will you join me, and thousands of other men, in becoming better?

This month’s TED Talk is: The Other Side of Ego .

Doug’s TED Talk is more than a story; it’s a man looking straight into his own soul and dropping the ego-based judgements most of us hide behind.

His account of that moment with Doug and Molly reminds us that the best things in life aren’t always spoken; they’re felt through shared experience. It’s simple, human and disarming in all the right ways. If you want a timely reminder of what real presence looks like and how connection can change us without a single word, this is worth your time.

26 men gathered in uncertain autumnal conditions for our November Men & Mountains walk. The route was close to nine miles, with a couple of challenging ascents that asked something of everyone. On top, the hill mist broke just long enough to give us brief glimpses of the rugged Beacons, a reminder of why we do this, regardless of the weather. Lunch was short; the cold kept us moving.

As we pushed on with the route, the conversation deepened. This month’s theme aligned with International Men’s Day (19 November): Healthy Masculinity. It opened the door to honest discussions around relationships, leadership, fatherhood, blended families, personal standards, and what it means to be a visible, positive role model in a world where many men feel unsure of the path forward.

We have our Festive Gathering on Saturday, 13th December; there’s still a place or two left if you wish to join us. Message me on 07834456488 to book or find out more. Our 2026 dates will be shared over the festive period, but if you’re looking to join a community and be a part of something, look no further.

If you want to walk November’s route, it can be accessed here :

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our walk.

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register.

If 2025 hasn’t been your best year, don’t fall into the trap of leaving 2026 to chance.

I’m serious, if you feel lost, lacking purpose, clarity or energy, or fear your best years are behind you, then take two minutes and complete my "Do I Need a Coach?" diagnostic.

It will help you identify the areas of your life that are holding you back. Once completed, you’ll receive a personalised PDF report with your audit score and clear, practical recommendations to help you move forward, both personally and professionally.

Assess Yourself Now:

November 2025

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:00:21 GMT

Rethinking Success and Facing What We Resist

Practical reflections, powerful quotes, and life-changing insights for men ready to live with courage, clarity, and connection.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: What We Resist, Persists.

George Orwell once said, ‘However much you deny the truth, the truth goes on existing,’ and yet, so many men I meet try to do just that. They deny the truth of the weight they’re carrying. They deny the cracks forming in their relationships. They deny the slow drift from vitality into fatigue.

We resist saying ‘no’ to work because it feels like failure. We resist addressing the erosion of relational connection because it’s uncomfortable. We resist prioritising health because there’s always tomorrow. But here’s the paradox: whatever we resist, persists...

Men are particularly prone to shouldering their burdens alone. Research shows that only 27% of men who experience adverse mental health struggles (anxiety, panic attacks, depression, feelings of withdrawal) ever speak to a professional. Many wear the mask of ‘I’m fine’, a false smile concealing the omnipresent stress, disconnection and self-doubt they feel. But what’s buried doesn’t disappear; it festers, often emerging later as burnout, resentment, isolation or a crisis.

The truth is, avoidance has a cost: every deferred conversation, every ignored boundary, every postponed decision compounds quietly in the background. And when the bill arrives in our health, marriages, or mental or emotional well-being, it’s usually far greater than the discomfort of facing things earlier.

What if the courage isn’t in carrying more but in confronting what’s misaligned? What if strength looks like telling the truth, first to ourselves, then to those around us? Using the quotes above, take a moment to reflect on how you’re showing up.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Rethinking Success in a World That Never Stops.

We live in an age where noise is the default; think 24/7 connectivity, relentless busyness, and a constant demand to have more and for us to do more. Our pace feels calibrated to fracture rather than sustain.

In the UK, 74% of people say they’ve felt so stressed in the past year they were overwhelmed; The Guardian are calling our collective experience the national stress crisis.

It’s easy for men, especially in midlife, to lose themselves one small compromise at a time. In my work, I often hear clients talk about giving up hobbies, living lives where they do little for themselves and recounting past events rather than being enthused to make new memories.

This is why the longing for less pressurised isn’t escapism: it’s a pushback. A refusal to bow to a worldview that says you must always achieve, always optimise, always perform. Instead, it says, let’s live intentionally. Let’s choose fewer things, deeper connections and a more spacious experience.

Part of that shift is about becoming time-rich, not time-poor. We don’t need more hours in the day; we need to reclaim the ones we already have from distraction, overcommitment, and shallow busyness.

You don’t have to abandon your ambitions to do this, but perhaps you’d live better if your ambitions were held in balance with rest, reflection, and relationships. The question worth asking isn’t just what do I want to achieve?, but also how do I want to experience the limited time I have while I’m achieving it? Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider whether you’re truly living…

Which parts of my life feel most alive and meaningful, and which feel transactional, shallow, or draining?
If I reclaimed just one hour a day for myself, how would I choose to spend it, and what does that reveal about my deeper needs?
How do I want the next decade of my life to feel, not just look, and what shifts are required to make that possible?

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom.

If you’re interested in sharpening your mental edge, improving your emotional well-being, or simply understanding how your brain shapes the quality of your life. I highly recommend listening to this episode with Dr Daniel Amen.

Amen is one of the world’s leading psychiatrists and brain health experts. This conversation is packed with insights on how we can upgrade the organ that drives everything else. He explains, in clear and practical terms, how lifestyle, habits, nutrition, trauma and even thought patterns physically shape the brain, and how that in turn influences mood, focus, motivation, relationships and decision-making.

Aside from Amen’s pragmatic principles, what I found most powerful is his message that you’re not stuck. With the right information and intentional choices, you can literally change your brain and change your life. These 90 minutes can genuinely shift how you think about thinking, either helping you get unstuck or bringing forward your potential.

This month’s recommendation is: Stoner.

If you’re drawn to questions of legacy, purpose, and what truly matters beneath the noise of success, Stoner by John Williams is a book worth your time.

It’s a novel about legacy beyond achievement, about living a meaningful life even when the world never applauds you. With rare empathy, it captures the inner life of a man: the compromises he makes, the regrets he carries, and the quiet victories that define a lifetime.

At its heart, Stoner is a mirror, one that reflects the questions many of us wrestle with as we move through midlife: What does a good life look like? What remains when titles, trophies, and status fade?

This is not a loud book, but it’s a deeply human one, and if you let it, it might shift the way you think about your own story.

A BetterMen Man-ifesto: simple rules for a life you actually enjoy...

Most professionally successful, middle-aged men aren't genuinely enjoying their lives. In fact, recent research shows that more than 50% of men aged 40-55 describe themselves as unhappy, dissatisfied, or stuck in their lives.

If you're silently nodding, you're not alone.

We live in a world obsessed with consumption; think: endless social scrolling, self-help podcasts on demand, and inboxes crammed with content promising transformation.

Recently, a client reminded me of the powerful simplicity in Leonardo da Vinci’s words: ‘Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.’

With this principle firmly in mind, here are 8 simple but powerful life truths. Get these right, and not only will everything else become significantly easier, but you'll also enjoy your life more often.

1. You are what you eat – limit sugar. Don't complicate nutrition; just reduce sugar and watch your clarity and energy rise.

2. Movement is medicine – inactivity isn’t just a health risk; it guarantees a reduced quality of life as you age. Move intentionally and regularly.

3. Your mind is your greatest asset or your biggest liability – invest in learning how to manage your thoughts, or they'll manage you.

4. Conversation is the key to connection – genuine conversations build genuine relationships. Schedule them, protect them, cherish them.

5. Sleep is the Swiss Army knife of health – prioritise sleep hygiene, or pay the price energetically, mentally, and emotionally.

6. Attention is the most basic form of love – your presence is infinitely more valuable than presents. Show up fully for those you love, and lead.

7. Boundaries protect your life – decide what truly matters and guard your time and energy accordingly.

8. Seek change and challenge – growth never happens in comfort. Men find meaning, purpose, and fulfilment in the challenges they willingly choose.

In short: limit sugar, move often, manage your mind, prioritise conversations, sleep deeply, be deliberately attentive, set clear boundaries, and choose meaningful challenges.

Life's complexities don’t always require complex solutions, but they do demand clarity, intentionality, and consistency.

What principles would you add to my BetterMen Man-ifesto…?

Which of the principles above do you already know you need to do better in…?

This month’s TED Talk is: This Could Be Why You’re Depressed or Anxious .

If you live in work-life conflict, feel frantic, or occasionally overwhelmed, this one is for you. Alan Watts reminds us that life is not a race to be won, nor a destination to arrive at. And yet, so many of us live as though it is, constantly striving, rushing, comparing, and pushing towards a finish line that never truly exists.

His invitation is both simple and deeply challenging: be awake in your own life. Instead of being consumed by the treadmill of striving, he calls us to become balanced participants, present, grounded, and open to the richness of each moment.

Slowing down is not about doing less; it’s about experiencing more. It’s about noticing the beauty, the connection, and the joy that often get lost when we’re sprinting from one goal to the next.

16 men. 1 mountain range. 3 days in the wild heart of Snowdonia. Our Men & Mountains expedition wasn’t about conquering peaks; it was about reconnecting with nature, each other, and, importantly, ourselves.

Amid the relentless wind and driving rain of Storm Amy, we pressed on, mostly soaked, sometimes cold, but alive – the kind of aliveness that modern life often numbs.

There was something sacred in the simplicity: the raw beauty of nature, the shared flasks of coffee, the laughter cutting through the storm.

No roles, no titles, no pretence, just men walking shoulder to shoulder. By the time we descended on our third day, our knees ached and our feet felt tired, but our spirits were recharged.

The mountains had stripped away the noise and reminded us who we are, beneath the layers. It’s as John Muir said, ‘In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks.’

We came for the mountains. We left with something far greater: a renewed sense of connection, brotherhood, and aliveness. If you’d benefit from this kind of connection and peer support/experience, join us; our final dates for 2025 are 16 Nov and 13 Dec.

Special mention to Sam Marshall for his diligence and professionalism, for making the mountains, even in a recognised storm, safe.

Watch our montage from our Snowdonia experience here .

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register.

Other than money, what truly makes a man’s life rich?

I’m in my clients’ corner, described as a personal NED and the CEO’s secret. I’m a coach, confidant, sounding board and critical friend to men who are serious about success. Many of them are MDs, founders, CEOs, C-suite leaders and senior executives navigating high-stakes, high-pressure environments.

My work isn’t about theory or jargon. It’s about facilitating thought-provoking conversations that invite curiosity, compassion and courage, the kind that help men face their truth, understand how their thoughts, feelings and behaviours shape their lives, and take deliberate action to change.

This is solution-focused coaching: identifying what’s working (and what’s not), cultivating a bias toward action, and embedding the subtle but powerful shifts that change everything.

October 2025

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 09:03:32 GMT

A New Blueprint for Men in Midlife

Insights, reflections, and resources for men seeking meaning, courage, and a new blueprint for life

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: The slow demise of men in midlife.

In almost all cases, a man’s demise is gradual before it’s sudden. It doesn’t come from one catastrophic failure but from the quiet accumulation of compromises. Missing the gym ‘just this once’. Biting your tongue instead of saying what you really feel. Staying late at work rather than being present at home. Swallowing dissatisfaction, telling yourself this is just how life is.

Day by day, men shrink into smaller versions of themselves. What once felt like ambition becomes routine. What once gave purpose feels hollow. Here’s the truth: our lives expand or shrink in proportion to our courage.

The courage to say no when everything in you wants to appease. The courage to prioritise your health and relationships over deadlines. The courage to confront uncomfortable truths rather than bury them under busyness, bravado, or a drink at the end of the day.

Many men in midlife drift not because they lack intelligence, skills, or opportunities, but because they’ve stopped choosing courage. They’ve settled into comfort, mistaking it for safety, until one day they wake to the uncomfortable realisation that life isn’t a rehearsal.

But here’s the liberating part, and that I see every day in the clients I coach: at any moment, you’re only ever one good choice away from a more meaningful and better life. Think of one conversation you choose to have, one boundary you choose to enforce, and one step forward towards growth instead of a step back into retreat.

Middle age doesn’t have to be a slow fade; it can be a turning point. The second half of life isn’t about adding years; it’s about adding depth, purpose, and authenticity. But know this: the quality of your life isn’t decided in decades; it’s decided in the daily choices you’re making right now. Using the quotes above, take a moment to reflect on how you’re showing up.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Time for a new blueprint.

For too long, men have been living by an outdated script. A blueprint forged in the Industrial Revolution, when our value became tied to productivity, and reinforced by the wars that silenced a generation of fathers. Men learnt to repress emotion, chase status, and equate worth with wealth.

That blueprint brought us here, but it no longer works. Today, the cracks are visible everywhere: middle-aged men are the loneliest demographic in Britain; 32% of UK men aged 45-55 report having hidden a mental health issue from their partner; perhaps it is not surprising that 42% of UK marriages end in divorce…

Despite unprecedented opportunity, too many men remain trapped in conformity, overworking, over-consuming, and overcompensating. They live by comparison, chasing someone else’s definition of success, whilst feeling trapped in the lives they’ve worked hard to build.

It doesn’t have to be this way. The new blueprint of masculinity (which I offer in my Amazon bestseller, Rethinking Masculinity) isn’t about dominance or detachment; it’s about wholeness. It calls us to lead ourselves first, to show up for our families, not just as providers, and to contribute to our communities.

This isn’t easy, but given the polarisation and state of the world, the role and function of men needs to shift. We need to break free from societal conformity, confronting the fears of judgment and of being different. The question is: will you keep following the old blueprint, or will you summon the courage to craft a new one? Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider whether you’re truly living…

What parts of the old blueprint – workaholism, suppression, status chasing – still shape how you live today?
Where in your life are you conforming to expectations, rather than leading with authenticity?
If your son or daughter modelled their life on yours, what legacy would you be leaving them?

This month’s recommendation is: Inside the Mind of Champions.

In this powerful episode, Jeremy Snape, former England cricketer and founder of Sporting Edge, sits down with Andy Salmon, CEO of Swim England, for a candid conversation about leadership, culture, and courage in the face of crisis.

Brought in after scandals involving bullying, body shaming, and safeguarding failures. Andy’s challenge was nothing short of transformational: to reset Swim England’s culture, rebuild trust, and co-create a vision for the future. What stands out here is Andy’s honesty, his willingness to own past failures and to speak openly about the scale of change required.

This isn’t surface-level culture change; it’s a deep dive into what happens when values, behaviours, and leadership don’t align and how they can be rebuilt through transformational change.

With insights from Professor Roger Steare on ethical culture, the conversation highlights the critical balance between strong principles and consistent, everyday behaviours. For leaders, this episode is a reminder: change starts with the courage to face the truth.

This month’s recommendation is: Courage is Calling.

Fortune has always favoured the bold. From Marcus Aurelius to Mandela, history remembers those who dared, not those who shrank. Yet today, too many men live paralysed by fear of failure, judgment, or simply stepping into the unknown.

In Courage is Calling, Ryan Holiday distils ancient Stoic wisdom into something modern men desperately need: a reminder that everything in life begins with courage. Not bravado, not recklessness, but the quiet strength to do the right thing, stand up for what matters, and act, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Holidays challenge the illusion of safety in staying the same. He critiques hollow displays of courage in our times and instead points us toward the deeper virtues that make life extraordinary: creativity, perseverance, and integrity. Some authors give advice; Holiday distils wisdom. His words are both timeless and timely, I hope, especially if this month’s Bulletin resonates. I hope that you read this book.

Nick, 47, owns a successful business, and to many casual observers, including family, friends, and colleagues, his life looks impressive.

Married, three teenagers, nice house and cars: the classic picture of Gen X success. Yet behind the thin veneer and fake smiles, he feels a sense of inner emptiness.

He’s done what he thought being a husband and father demanded of him – he’s worked hard, and he’s provided. But at home, he feels disconnected and unappreciated. He feels little more than an Uber driver and an ATM for his kids.

Conversations with his wife are distant; her problems seem trivial to him, and she seems disinterested in his world.

In quiet moments, Nick often thinks about where he is after 17 years of building his business. By now, he feels he should feel proud and fulfilled, like his life’s work means more to him. Instead, he recognises he’s caught somewhere between constant firefighting and an engaging but demanding cadence of work.

He can’t recall the last time he felt fulfilled. Happiness comes occasionally; it’s fleeting, and sadly, it’s usually experienced in a silo or when walking his dog.

I created this Ladder of First World Life to clarify where men are in their lives. Be truthful, at least with yourself. Where are you on this ladder?

Like many men, Nick is learning a life lesson: endless effort is a trap.

Living a better life means making deliberate choices that elevate you, not just your income or status, but your sense of self, your connections, and your legacy.

Life’s ladder isn’t climbed just by striving harder; it’s climbed by choosing better. Right now, Nick and many other men have a choice; they know it, they feel it. Silently endure the second half of a seemingly successful life, or pause, reflect, and redefine what truly matters.

This month’s TED Talk isn’t a TED; instead, it’s the timeless wisdom of Alan Watts, who spends 20 minutes inviting us to Stop Rushing .

22 men came together for September’s Men & Mountains walk; we covered nearly 9 miles through a remote but stunning section of the Brecon Beacons. The landscape gave us everything the Welsh mountains could throw at us: bright sunshine, heavy rain, fierce winds, and even a touch of autumn chill.

As always, our miles and time together weren’t just about the terrain. Along the way, the conversation centred on a powerful question: What’s the one thing you’d regret not doing, achieving, or experiencing before the end of 2025?

It sparked honest reflection and meaningful dialogue, reminding us all that time is finite, and intention matters.

In October, rather than exploring South Wales, 16 men will be immersed in a three-day Snowdonia expedition. Our next walk in South Wales will be on Sunday, 16th November .

Images from our September walk here .

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register.

Midlife confusion is part of the journey.

If you’ve lost your bearings in life, your enthusiasm, your drive, and your sense of meaning, finding them must become your priority.

When you start living with greater intentionality, regardless of your current circumstances or how deep your confusion runs, everything begins to settle into place.

It’s what I see, week in, week out, when I’m working with myself, facing silent struggles, languishing in midlife, or sitting with the quiet realisation that they don't want to waste the second half of their lives.

100% of my past clients – business owners, corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, MBA graduates, sportsmen, and many multi-millionaires – recommend what I do.

I’m not a listening service. I’m not passive. Through curiosity, compassion, and ultimately courage, I invite men into a space where we face up to what’s working and what’s not so they can progress themselves and their lives, both personally and professionally.

If you’re not sure what you need, but you know you need something, my entry point is a one-off coaching consultation.

It’s a low-commitment, high-return, 90-minute session.

Message me if you’re ready to take the first step.

September 2025

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 09:17:02 GMT

Redefining Success: A New Path for Modern Men

Insights, prompts, and resources to help men grow, stay purposeful, and live fully beyond the traps of success.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: The Cost of Refusing to Grow.

When a man refuses to change, adapt, or develop himself, the walls of his life begin to close in. What starts as comfort becomes complacency. What once felt like stability turns into stagnation. Before long, he’s living small, trapped in routines, replaying old stories, and silently watching his energy, confidence, and sense of purpose erode.

Often, it’s fuelled by fear—fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of stepping into the unknown. Men cling to the illusion that staying the same is safe, when in reality it’s the most dangerous thing they can do.

Research from YouGov found that only one in three Gen X and Millennial men feel that their lives are ‘moving forward.’

That means the majority are stuck, surviving rather than thriving. Refusing to grow actively diminishes you, and if you’re not growing, you’re shrinking. It’s that simple; it’s like Maxwell Maltz said, ‘man maintains will balance only as he is moving forward’…

The men who live fully are not the ones who have it all figured out; they’re the ones who stay open, curious, and courageous enough to reinvent themselves. Life isn’t a rehearsal; your second half will be shaped not by what you once achieved, but by the choices you make now.

Ask yourself: are you expanding into the man you’re capable of becoming, or shrinking into the safety of who you once were? Take a moment to reflect on the quotes above:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why waiting for retirement is a failed strategy for living.

I was recently reminded about Oliver Burkeman’s 4,000 Weeks, a great book, and the sobering truth it delivers: if you live to 80, you’ll have roughly 4,000 weeks on this planet. That’s it, no extensions, no reruns.

For many middle-aged men, this number should be a wake-up call. Too often, I see men in their late 40s and early to mid-50s sacrificing today for tomorrow, convinced they’ll start living once they exit or engineer an early retirement. But retirement isn’t the beginning of life; for many, it’s the prelude to the final chapters. And the reality is that many never make it there.

The ONS reports that a healthy life expectancy for UK men is just 62. That means, statistically, most men will spend almost two decades in declining health. Add to this: 42% of marriages end in divorce, and men in midlife are the loneliest demographic in Britain; waiting for retirement to ‘finally live’ isn’t just risky, it’s delusional.

You don’t have unlimited time. Each week you defer joy, connection, or adventure is one you’ll never get back. So ask yourself: are you living, or are you waiting?

Don’t get around to it later; later might not come. Do it now! Live today; build memories now because meaning and fulfilment don’t come in a pension plan; they come in the everyday choices you make. Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider whether you’re truly living...

What’s one experience you’ve been postponing that deserves your attention now?
If health is the true currency of retirement, what’s one step you could take today to protect or improve yours?
What would change if you were to measure success in moments lived, instead of milestones achieved?

This month’s recommendation is: High Performance.

Steve Backshall, all-round good guy, is accustomed to finding his edge; as a BAFTA-winning naturalist, adventurer, and presenter of Deadly 60, he’s spent his life in some of the world’s most extreme environments, from dense jungles to deep caves. In this raw and gripping episode, Steve opens up about what really happens when you face death head-on.

He takes us through one of his most terrifying moments: being trapped underwater in Bhutan for over four minutes. Steve also dives deep into how the brain shifts gears in life-or-death moments, revealing the strange clarity and focus that can emerge at the edge.

Beyond survival, Steve reflects on why humans are wired to chase risk and adventure. He talks about fear, not just feeling it, but using it, and the powerful difference between facing hard-earned challenges versus easy wins.

This episode explores the razor-thin line between danger, discovery and what it teaches us about our own minds.

This month’s recommendation is: The Power of Moments.

The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath explores why specific experiences stand out and, more importantly, how we can intentionally create them.

The Heath brothers break this down into four elements that make moments memorable: elevation, insight, pride, and connection. Through engaging stories and practical examples, from classrooms to boardrooms, they reveal how leaders, parents, and organisations can transform the ordinary into the unforgettable.

What I like about this book is its simplicity and accessibility. It isn’t just theory; it’s filled with tools, summaries, and real-world ‘clinics’ that allow you to put the principles into practice. Whether you want to deepen family connections, lead your team more effectively, or make life more meaningful, the message is clear: we all have the power to create defining moments for ourselves and others.

This isn’t a book you just read; it’s one you act on. And in a world where many men drift through life on autopilot, it’s a reminder that meaning is made, not found.

Success isn’t accidental; it’s a byproduct of self-leadership.

Forget the idea that success is external; true success is an inside job; it demands upgrading your mental game, shifting your inner narrative, and deliberately bringing your performance forward.

I’m not here to provide passive coaching or generic advice. Instead, my coaching style is intentionally provocative; I create conversations that require you to confront the inconvenient truths that have shaped your life.

Together, with compassion, curiosity and courage, we dig deep into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and the very components shaping your current experience of life.

We quickly identify what's working and what's not working. But we don’t stop there.

Men who partner with me leave each session with a bias toward action, armed with clarity and committed (and accountable) to effect the subtle yet impactful trajectory changes that will transform their lives.

Using a carefully crafted blend of High Performance Coaching™, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Behavioural Change Technologies, and advanced male psychology, I deliver a peer-proven, tailored approach for men serious about real success.

If you feel like you’re stuck, something is missing, or that you're doing little more than enduring the life you’ve worked hard to build, my coaching support is the key; send me a message now.

This month’s TED Talk is from Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Charles Duhigg.

In less than 13 minutes, CD breaks down why so many of us talk past each other and how we can do better. Communication, he argues, isn’t just about exchanging information; it’s about creating genuine understanding.

CD explains the science of ‘conversational flow’ and why curiosity is at the heart of meaningful dialogue. Instead of trying to win conversations or prove ourselves right, the goal is to ask in-depth questions, listen actively, and validate the other person’s perspective. He shows how good communication builds trust, defuses conflict and strengthens both personal and professional relationships.

What’s powerful here is the reminder that communication is a skill we can practise and improve. By focusing less on defending our position and more on really connecting, we can turn even difficult conversations into opportunities for growth, collaboration, and deeper human connection.

At around 8 miles with 2000 ft of elevation and a mix of terrain and trails, I’d describe August’s route as a classic Men & Mountains.

With a good bunch of men on the mountain, we made light work of the wet, blustery conditions; some of our group even chose to cold dip in Llyn Cwm Llwch beneath Pen Y Fan. After lunch and summiting Corn Du, we went off-piste as we headed toward the Beacons Reservoir via a sheep track and a steep descent.

Needless to say, after over 4 hours in testing conditions, you can see the images at the link below. We were glad to arrive back at our cars.

Images from our August walk here .

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register.

Quietly asking yourself, ‘Is this it?’

I’ve built a self-assessment tool designed for men like you, successful on paper but wrestling with silent struggles beneath the surface.

It takes less than two minutes, yet it can give you clarity on whether coaching could be the turning point you need.

Life isn’t meant to be endured; it’s meant to be lived with intention, energy, and meaning. If you’ve lost your bearings, your drive, your connection, or sense of fulfilment, this tool is the first step to getting them back.

I’m not here to sugar-coat or play therapist. Take the assessment, face the truth, and if you’re ready, I’ll help you raise the bar for the second half of your life.

August 2025

Mon, 04 Aug 2025 12:49:32 GMT

The Cost of Chasing the Wrong Things: A Wake-Up Call for Modern Men

Redefining Success, Masculinity & Meaning in Midlife

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: The true cost of chasing societal success

Will Rogers captured the irony perfectly; he said:

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

For many middle-aged men, this isn't just a quote; it's an uncomfortable reality. We chase societal success, measuring ourselves by job titles, luxury items, prestige cars, and the size of our homes. Yet, beneath this external validation lies an emptiness —a subtle yet pervasive sense that something's missing.

There comes a moment of reckoning in every man's life, a time when he wakes up to bigger truths.

He realises that despite achieving career goals, financial milestones, and material comforts he once dreamt of, fulfilment still escapes him. He discovers that life's not a rehearsal, and the cost of playing someone else's game is high: strained relationships, deteriorating health, loneliness, and regret.

Societal success often rewards us externally, but it seldom nurtures us internally. When our self-worth becomes attached to external validation, we're essentially handing over our power, outsourcing our happiness to others.

To reclaim it, we need a strong sense of self, guided by personal values rather than societal expectations. Raising our bar means living intentionally. It means pursuing success defined by purpose, integrity, and genuine connection, rather than status or material symbols. It requires courage: the courage to disappoint others if it means being true to oneself, the courage to admit you're unfulfilled, and the courage to redefine what success genuinely looks like for you.

Ultimately, chasing societal success exacts a heavy toll, not only financially, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Don't wait for your wake-up call; instead, use the quotes below and reflect on what success means to you:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why everyday role models matter.

Have you ever noticed how men like Donald Trump or even the controversial Andrew Tate become magnetic to some? Through their hyper-masculine bravado, locker-room banter, and relentless obsession with power and dominance, they sell a seductive and inaccurate illusion about what being a man supposedly means.

Yet beneath this bravado often lies a troubling fragility. Fragile masculinity is when men become deeply unsettled by anything that threatens their narrow, one-dimensional definition of manhood. It’s hiding sadness behind humour, masking insecurity with dominance, or shaming vulnerability as weakness. It’s the fear of admitting you're struggling or, worse, needing help.

I’ve seen successful men quietly crumble under societal expectations, haunted by the fear of not measuring up. They're trapped by comparisons, competing financially, professionally, and socially. This often breeds harmful behaviours like dismissing emotional openness as weakness or mocking those who deviate from outdated but still seen as ‘traditional’ masculinity.

Consider how this plays out: you're reluctant to show genuine sadness at the loss of a loved one, you're nervous about sharing parental responsibilities because ‘real men’ don’t stay home, or maybe you dismiss damaging behaviour in others as just ‘banter’ because calling it out feels risky.

But here’s the truth: good men don't need to prove their masculinity through dominance or arrogance. True strength is found in everyday acts of authenticity, kindness, and courage; it's about showing your children what healthy relationships look like, respecting your partner as an equal, or standing up against the BS of toxic locker-room humour.

It's up to each of us to become the role models our families, colleagues, and communities genuinely need. Be the man who demonstrates that masculinity isn't about control, dominance, or aggression, but integrity, empathy, and responsibility.

Because in the end, our legacy is not what we leave behind in terms of wealth and assets; instead, it’s what we role model to the generations that follow in our footsteps. Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider the impact of comparison in your life:

Reflecting on your professional and personal life, where have you allowed comparisons with other men to determine your self-worth?
In what situations have you found yourself masking vulnerability with bravado or humour, and what did it cost you?
What one small, courageous act could you take today to become a healthier role model of masculinity for yourself and others?

This month’s recommendation is: (Surprisingly) The Diary of a CEO

I was, frankly, tired of the sensationalist, clickbait advertising strategy of DOAC, so I stopped listening to it; that was until a friend shared this episode…

Geoffrey Hinton is a leading computer scientist and cognitive psychologist, widely recognised as the ‘Godfather of AI’ for his pioneering work on neural networks and deep learning. He received the 2018 Turing Award, often called the Nobel Prize of computing.

He received the 2018 Turing Award, often called the Nobel Prize of computing.

In 2023, he left Google to warn people about the rising dangers of AI, and in this episode, he’s breaking his silence and sharing AI dangers, dangers he says no one is prepared for. He explains why there’s a real chance AI could lead to human extinction, how speaking out about AI got him silenced, and the 6 deadly threats AI poses to humanity right now.

This month’s recommendation is again fiction. If you're looking for your next gripping read, one for the plane or pool, it is: Red Rising

This dystopian sci-fi novel fully deserves every ounce of praise it gets. With rich storytelling, the pace, energy, and intensity are unrivalled. The writing style hits the sweet spot, beautifully crafted without overdoing it, and you'll find yourself hooked by the protagonist, Darlow, and the captivating character dynamics that build throughout this epic read.

This book brought out my inner sci-fi nerd; it’s a genuine page-turner, the kind of novel you'll compulsively devour, chapter after chapter, but be warned, there are 6 books in the series.

Nick, 47, owns a successful business, and to many casual observers, including family, friends, and colleagues, his life looks impressive.

Married, three teenagers, nice house and cars: the classic picture of Gen X success. Yet behind the thin veneer and fake smiles, he feels a sense of inner emptiness. He’s done what he thought being a husband and father demanded of him—he’s worked hard, and he’s provided.

But at home, he feels disconnected and unappreciated. He feels like little more than an Uber driver and cash machine for his kids, only needed for taxiing around and money. Conversations with his wife are distant; her problems seem trivial to him, and she seems disinterested in his world.

In quiet moments, Nick often thinks about where he is after 17 years of building his business.

By now, he feels he should feel proud and fulfilled, like his life’s work means more to him; instead, he recognises he’s caught somewhere between constant firefighting and an engaging but demanding cadence of work.

He can’t recall the last time he felt fulfilled. Happiness comes occasionally; it’s fleeting, and sadly, it’s usually experienced in a silo or when walking his dog.

I created this Ladder of First World Life to clarify where men are in their lives. Be truthful, at least with yourself. Where are you on this ladder?

Like many men, Nick is learning a life lesson: endless effort is a trap.

Living a better life means making deliberate choices that elevate you, not just your income or status, but your sense of self, your connections, and your legacy.

Life’s ladder isn’t climbed just by striving harder. It’s climbed by choosing better.

Right now, Nick and many other men have a choice; they know it, they feel it. Silently endure the second half of a seemingly successful life, or pause, reflect, and redefine what truly matters.

This month’s TED Talk isn’t a TED; it’s Johnny Harris, an Emmy Award-winning independent journalist.

In his compelling YouTube video "1955 vs 2025: Who Actually Had It Better?"

Harris dives into the provocative question: has the pursuit of progress cost us more than we’ve gained?

Using sharp, data-backed insights, the video compares the baby boomers' generational prosperity and cultural cohesion with the fractured, high-pressure lives many men face today by examining, side by side, key societal metrics like financial stability, mental health, and social connection.

For the midlife, professionally successful yet quietly unfulfilled man, this contrast is a wake-up call. While on paper life looks better—higher incomes, more technology, etc.—the video challenges us to consider what we’re sacrificing in the name of societal success...

This video doesn’t offer easy answers, but it does provoke essential questions and is fully deserving of a small investment of time.

Over the years, we’ve experienced many mountainous areas, both in the UK and abroad, but this month’s M&M’s write-up is a check-in after a truly immersive, 4-day experience in the Dolomites.

Firstly, the Dolomites are spectacular; you can’t help but be in awe of the beautiful but savage surroundings. Our 3 days in the mountains and 1 day of mountain biking were remarkable, as was the group of men who gathered to share the adventure.

Over the 3 days, we experienced everything from strong sunshine to powerful thunder and hard-falling hail. On day 2 of our expedition, we overcame the adversity of a 12-hour mountain day where not a single step was straightforward or simple and included everything from exposed via ferrata sections and treacherous snow gully crossings to enduring a single 900-meter climb and scramble to stand at the top of 3100-metre peak, the Cima di Vezzana, the highest peak in the region.

Every man had a moment, or two, on this day, but the courage, care, and camaraderie were palpable and felt by all; for many, the intensity of our shared adversity has forged friendships that will stand the test of time.

I feel hugely grateful for the whole experience: pursuing adventure, the intimacy of adversity, summiting high peaks, and building bonds with great men.

It has been highly contemplative for me and feels like a return to self. I recognise I’ve been trying too hard to make sense of the world and am tired from the effort of day-to-day life, but I return home feeling like my spirit is replenished and viscerally reminded of the simplicity of living.

Up in the mountain range of the Palaronda di San Martino, there were many poignant moments, but the one I will share took place, ironically, not in the mountains but in the village immediately upon our return. As we walked on tired legs and sore feet, in search of a pub, we came across a monument to the mountain guides and rescue teams of the valley; fittingly, next to their statue stood the words of William Blake:

"Great things are done when men and mountains meet."

Our next walks are on Sunday, 3rd August, and Sunday, 7th September.

Here are two highlight reels from our mountain biking tour of the valley and our hut-to-hut hiking experience.

Watch our biking tour here .

Watch our hiking experience here .

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register:

Midlife Confusion is part of the Journey.

If you’ve lost your bearings in life, your enthusiasm, your drive, and your sense of meaning, finding them must become your priority.

When you start living with greater intentionality, regardless of your current circumstances or how deep your confusion runs, everything begins to settle into place.

It’s what I see, week in, week out.

For those that don’t know, my coaching is a peer-proven alternative to divorce, burnout, midlife crisis, or drifting through life.

I work with men facing silent struggles:

Feeling lost.
Career stagnation.
A lack of fulfilment.
Loneliness at the top.
Poor physical or mental health.

Or those simply sitting with the quiet realisation that they don't want to waste the second half of their lives.

100% of my past clients—business owners, corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, MBA graduates, sportsmen, and many multi-millionaires—recommend what I do.

I’m not a listening service, nor am I passive. Through curiosity, compassion, and ultimately courage, I invite men into a space where we face up to what’s working and what’s not so they can progress themselves and their lives, personally and professionally.

If you’re not sure what you need, but you know you need something, my entry point is a one-off coaching consultation. It’s a low-commitment, high-return, 90-minute session.

Message me if you’re ready to take the first step.

July 2025

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 07:26:46 GMT

Rethink Success, Redefine Masculinity, and Reclaim Your Life

A New Kind of Leadership Starts Within: Insights for the Modern Man

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Why modern male leaders must evolve

The old leadership playbook is broken. Gen X and Millennial leaders are burning out at unprecedented rates, with 58% reporting high levels of workplace stress (Gallup, 2023). We’re still trying to lead through outdated models that reward relentless drive, hierarchical detachment, and emotional suppression.

I’m sure you’ll agree that today’s leaders face unprecedented complexity. Technological advancements and disruptions, global uncertainty, and an exhausted workforce require leaders who can heal, not just hustle. Modern male leaders must wake up to the unique challenges of our time. The next era of leadership demands not just vision but also vulnerability, not just intellect but also intuition; not just ambition, but also emotional intelligence.

Why is this shift critical now? Because employees aren’t just tired, they’re disengaged. A staggering 72% of Millennial and Gen X employees feel disconnected from their company’s leadership (Deloitte, 2022). To rebuild trust and re-engagement, leaders must prioritise awareness of themselves, their teams, and their organisations.

True leadership today is about integrating humanity and humility into the workplace. It’s about being courageous enough to listen deeply, show genuine empathy, and create environments where people feel seen, heard, and valued.

Consider and reflect on what being a leader means to you using the quotes above.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Stop letting comparison steal your life

Comparison isn't just the thief of joy; it's the quiet assassin of midlife fulfilment.

A recent YouGov survey revealed that 45% of Gen X and Millennial men feel significantly dissatisfied when comparing their lives to peers they perceive as more successful. Men, particularly in midlife, find themselves measuring their reality against the carefully curated highlight reel of someone else's LinkedIn or Instagram feed. The consequence: Chronic dissatisfaction, envy, and a paralysing fear of failure.

We often envy what we perceive others have: their career trajectory, financial security, physical vitality, or seemingly perfect relationships. But here's the uncomfortable truth: comparison is rarely fair or accurate. Instead, it amplifies our insecurities, erodes our self-worth and makes us increasingly more risk-averse.

The fear of falling short holds us back. A Deloitte report found that nearly 40% of millennial men admitted that their fear of failure prevented them from pursuing new career opportunities or personal ambitions. When we compare ourselves relentlessly, we aren’t just holding ourselves back; we’re actively diminishing our capacity for growth and meaningful achievement.

Midlife isn't a period for cautious survival; it's a call for courageous reinvention. Stop measuring your life against an illusion. Instead, define success on your terms, embracing your unique story, talents, and trajectory. Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider the impact of comparison in your life:

When I notice I’m envious of other men, what things do I specifically envy?
What truly fulfils me beyond titles and toys? Write your answers down…
In what ways would my life be better if I let go of comparison?

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom

In this episode, Anne‑Laure Le Cunff, neuroscientist and author, delivers an hour of truth bombs and actionable information, all designed to enable us to live more freely in our goal-obsessed world.

She explains that we live by unconscious mental scripts, and most of the time, we don’t even realise it.

We wake up, usually through some form of external adversity, and see that the life we’re living isn’t what we truly want.

Chris Williamson, the host, does an intelligent job of getting Anne to explain how we unlearn what no longer serves us and how we can rewire our minds to align with who we are.

Expect to learn what the problem is when people obsess over finding their purpose, how to know if you’re following your dreams or someone else’s, the tactics you can learn to begin unlearning cultural scripts, and how to get more comfortable with uncertainty.

This month’s recommendation for any man looking to advance his life and live with greater integrity is: The Eight Mountains

This month’s recommendation is unusual; it’s fiction. It’s not a self-help book or a fable; it’s something better!

The Eight Mountains, recommended by a good friend, Nick D, is an epic journey of friendship and self-discovery set in the breathtaking Italian Alps, about two boys who meet in the same village every summer and the men they grow up to become.

It’s a soulful, at times agonising story about connection, the quiet strength men can offer one another, and the unspoken lessons between fathers and sons. I strongly recommend this for any man who feels drawn to nature or a simpler experience of life.

A BetterMen Man-ifesto... Simple rules for a life you enjoy...

Most professionally successful middle-aged men aren't genuinely enjoying their lives. Recent research shows that more than 50% of men aged 40–55 describe themselves as unhappy, dissatisfied, or stuck in their lives.

If you're silently nodding, you're not alone.

We live in a world obsessed with consumption—endless social scrolling, self-help podcasts on demand, and inboxes crammed with content promising transformation.

Recently, a client reminded me of the powerful simplicity in Leonardo da Vinci’s words: Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

With this principle firmly in mind, here are eight simple but powerful life truths. Get these right, and not only will everything else become significantly easier, but you’ll also enjoy your life more often.

You are what you eat – limit sugar. Don’t complicate nutrition; reduce sugar and watch your clarity and energy rise.
Movement is medicine – inactivity isn’t just a health risk; it guarantees a reduced quality of life as you age. Move intentionally and regularly.
Your mind is your greatest asset or your biggest liability – invest in learning how to manage your thoughts, or they’ll manage you.
Conversation is the key to connection – genuine conversations build genuine relationships. Schedule them, protect them, cherish them.
Sleep is the Swiss Army knife of health – prioritise sleep hygiene or pay the price energetically, mentally, and emotionally.
Attention is the most basic form of love – your presence is infinitely more valuable than presents. Show up fully for those you love and lead.
Boundaries protect your life – decide what truly matters and guard your time and energy accordingly.
Seek change and challenge – growth never happens in comfort. Men find meaning, purpose, and fulfilment in the challenges they willingly choose.

In short, limit sugar, move often, manage your mind, prioritise conversations, sleep deeply, be deliberately attentive, set clear boundaries, and choose meaningful challenges.

Life’s complexities don’t always require complex solutions—but they do demand clarity, intentionality, and consistency.

Think about you and your life: what principles would you add to the BetterMen Man-ifesto?

This month’s TED Talk isn’t a TED.

Men, we often let embarrassment and shame shut us down when it comes to our health, preferring silence over seeking medical support, even when something feels off. Justin Birckbichler, a testicular cancer survivor and men’s health activist, confronts this silence head-on in his insightful, honest, and humorous TED Talk.

Sharing his journey of diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, and remission, Justin reveals how humour can crack open the uncomfortable conversations we desperately need. His powerful story shows how one man, with one testicle, can inspire others to drop the shame and take ownership of their health. Watch Justin’s talk, and let it inspire you to start the conversation, ideally within your friendship and peer groups.

Due to rehabbing a physical injury, I was unable to lead a Men & Mountains walk in June.

That said, we were still active. A few of us showed up to support bigmoose , our charitable partner for 2025, at the grand reveal of their Project 1 MILLION. For those who don’t know who bigmoose is, here’s a little context: The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks—but when someone is referred for therapy through bigmoose, they receive a reply within 24 hours and are seen by a therapist within one week. Project 1 MILLION is their mission to raise £1,000,000 in just 24 hours. To find out more about bigmoose’s ambitious plans, click here .

In the August Bulletin, I’ll be bringing news and updates from a Men & Mountains first; between the 12 and 17 July, a team of us will be in the Italian Dolomites and fully immersed in hiking and the Via Ferrata expedition.

Watch this space for updates about our time in the Dolomites and future expeditions, in the UK and abroad.

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register:

Looking for a holiday read…

Men are taught to prove their worth through work, ignore their feelings and discount their intuition. Most put their noses to the grindstone, sacrificing their health, happiness and relationships in the hope of achieving personal happiness through professional success.

Rethinking Masculinity is for any man who has experienced a setback, finds himself stagnant or is silently enduring the second half of his life. It’s a guide for any man who is questioning, ‘Is this it?’ or fears his best years are behind him.

June 2025

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 07:57:38 GMT

Redefining Success, Fatherhood & Fulfilment for the Modern Man

What it really means to lead with presence, live by your values, and navigate midlife with purpose.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Why Modern Dads Matter More Than Ever

For Gen X and Millennial men, fatherhood has fundamentally changed. Gone is the outdated notion of fathers as distant providers; today, dads must step up as active, present, emotionally engaged role models.

I’m sure you will have watched or noticed the buzz around Netflix’s Adolescence; whilst extreme, it painfully highlights the lasting damage of emotionally absent fathers. In a pendulum swing from the absent to engaged, I offer Ryan Holiday’s words in The Daily Dad – he captures my thinking perfectly: “What you do every day matters more than what you say once in a while.”

Modern fatherhood demands daily intentionality; our actions, interactions, and responses shape our children profoundly, yet modern dads face real challenges, most notably from my perspective:

Time poverty : Career pressures leave us exhausted, straining our capacity to truly be present at home.
Emotional openness : Raised by stoic fathers, many struggle to model emotional vulnerability.
Role confusion : Balancing traditional expectations with modern demands can feel overwhelming.

The reality is that being an everyday role model isn’t optional; it’s essential. Our children learn by observation; they follow the examples we set, not the lectures we give. Every interaction, every decision, every moment matters.

With Father’s Day nearly upon us, it's a valuable prompt. Regardless of your children's age, use this day as an opportunity to reflect deeply on your role as a father. Honestly assess how well you're showing up for your children and where you might improve. It’s never too late to rebuild connections, repair relationships, or reprioritise what truly matters.

The challenge and opportunity for modern dads is to lead consciously. Be present, embrace vulnerability, and clarify your values. Don’t underestimate your impact; your sons and daughters will grow into tomorrow’s men and women, shaped not by your words alone but by your daily example… Consider and reflect on what being a dad means to you using the quotes above.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why Values Matter for Men Navigating Midlife

For many men, midlife is not just a point on the calendar; it’s a crossroads. The ambitions that drove us in our younger years – career success, financial stability, and recognition – often start feeling hollow. At this juncture, relying solely on past motivations can lead to a deepening sense of confusion, emptiness, and burnout.

This is precisely why values matter.

Values aren’t aspirational words on a poster; they’re the compass that guides us when life inevitably becomes complex. When men lose sight of their values, or worse, never define them clearly, they drift. They become reactive instead of intentional, shaped by others' expectations rather than their beliefs and needs.

Values clarify what's worth your energy and what isn't. They help you set healthy boundaries in your relationships, career, and life choices. For instance, if family or health is a core value, yet your diary is consumed by endless work, something inevitably breaks: your health, your relationships, or your sense of self.

Values also reconnect us to meaning. Midlife often surfaces uncomfortable questions like, "What's it all for?" or "Is this all there is?" Men who anchor themselves in clearly defined values navigate these questions more confidently. They don’t spiral into crisis; they move consciously toward a life aligned with who they want to be, not who they were once conditioned to become.

I invite you to consider a belief of mine, that being- values prevent regret.

By making decisions guided by your core values rather than societal definitions of success, you build a life that genuinely fulfils you, one that feels as meaningful as it looks. As you move through midlife, don’t ask what’s expected of you; ask what aligns with you. Your values aren’t just important; they’re everything. Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider what you value or how your values may be shifting:

Which of my core values have I been neglecting, and at what cost to myself or those around me?
What regrets am I risking by not living fully in alignment with my values right now?
What legacy do I want to leave, and how closely aligned is my current path with this vision?

This month’s recommendation is: On Purpose

Host Jay Shetty chats with neuroscientist and author TJ Power to uncover the science behind our brain’s chemistry and how it shapes our emotions, habits, and overall well-being.

TJ and Jay begin the discussion with the brain’s evolutionary design and its mismatch with the modern digital age.

TJ explains how our ancestors earned dopamine through hard work and perseverance. Today’s quick-fix solutions like social media, instant gratification, and other overstimulating activities lead to addiction, low motivation, and even burnout.

They shift into actionable steps to break free from these patterns.

From implementing a simple morning routine, such as resisting the urge to check your phone first thing, to engaging in cold water therapy, TJ emphasises the importance of earning dopamine through effort rather than shortcuts. He also shares the groundbreaking idea of ‘phone fasting’ and how small, consistent breaks from screens can reset your brain chemistry, improve focus, and enhance productivity – it feels like an important and timely listen/intervention.

This month’s recommendation for any man looking to advance his life and live with greater integrity is: Silence: In the Age of Noise

I listened to a podcast recently and was captivated by the guest, Norwegian explorer Erling Kagge, so much so that I felt compelled to buy his inspiring little book.

His quiet wisdom, mostly relating to adventure and the precious commodity that is silence, feels like an antidote to the frantic pace of modern life.

In Silence, he makes a case for dumbing the din of modern life, learning to listen again and teaching us how to find perfect silence in our daily lives regardless of how busy we are.

For me, it really is a wonderful and nourishing read. A line that stood out, and I’ve been reflecting on, is ‘Silence is about rediscovering, through pausing, the things that bring us joy’… If you find yourself asking bigger, fundamental questions, you’ll appreciate this book; conversely, if you’re looking for life hacks, it simply won’t resonate.

Nick, 47, owns a successful business, and to many casual observers – family, friends, and colleagues – his life looks impressive.

Married, three teenagers, nice house and cars – the classic picture of Gen X success. Yet behind the thin veneer and fake smiles, he feels a sense of inner emptiness.

He’s done what he thought being a husband and father demanded of him – he’s worked hard, he’s provided, but at home, he feels disconnected and unappreciated.

He feels little more than an Uber driver and ATM for his kids, only needed for taxiing around and cash. Conversations with his wife are distant; her problems seem trivial to him, and she seems disinterested in his world.

In quiet moments, Nick often thinks about where he is after 17 years of building his business… By now, he feels he should feel proud and fulfilled like his life’s work means more to him. Instead, he recognises he’s caught somewhere between constant firefighting and an engaging but demanding cadence of work.

He can’t recall the last time he felt fulfilled. Happiness comes occasionally; it’s fleeting and, sadly, usually experienced in a silo or when walking his dog.

I created this Ladder of First World Life to clarify where men are at in their lives. Be truthful, at least with yourself; where are you on this ladder?

Like many men, Nick is learning a life lesson: endless effort is a trap. Living a better life means making deliberate choices that elevate you, not just your income or status, but your sense of self, your connections and your legacy.

Life’s ladder isn’t climbed just by striving harder; it’s climbed by choosing better.

Right now, Nick and many other men have a choice; they know it, they feel it: silently endure the second half of a seemingly successful life or pause, reflect, and redefine what truly matters.

This month’s TED Talk is: Elderbrook & Rudimental – Something About You

This video was recently shared in our Men & Mountains Community.

In a few words, it’s: simple and subtle, whilst being both powerful and beautiful.

This is masculinity, unburdened, shoulder to shoulder, soul to soul.

After the success of last month’s half marathon, where we raised around £3000 for our 2025 charitable partner, bigmoose, we returned to the more familiar terrain of the Brecon Beacons.

With 32 men on the mountain, in perfect weather, a 9-mile route and 2000 feet of elevation gain, and a walk topic of conversation – what was your life’s rock bottom and what did it teach you? – May’s walk was simply superb.

Check out photos from our walk here .

More about bigmoose . The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks, but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. Bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody. Through our partnership, the money we raise will be used exclusively to support men – here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.

Our next walks are on Sunday, 15 June and Sunday, 16 July.

If you want to join our community, for walks, or kinship, register by clicking the button below:

This documentary is painfully profound

Adam Curtis’s Century of the Self documentary explores how society became driven by consumerism and manipulated desires. For midlife men feeling disconnected, burnt out, or caught chasing empty successes, it’s an essential watch. The 4-part documentary sheds light on why modern fulfilment feels elusive and helps men consciously redefine their values, breaking free from manufactured expectations to pursue genuine, personal meaning.

May 2025

Wed, 21 May 2025 10:14:10 GMT

Time Poverty and the Modern Man's Loneliness

Chasing Societal Success: The Hidden Costs.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Why Men Chasing Societal Success Are Like Flies Drawn to Blue Light

Societal success is the modern man's blue light—irresistible, hypnotic, and ultimately destructive. We’re conditioned to chase titles, wealth, and status as if they’re markers of fulfilment, but much like flies mesmerised by that artificial glow, many men don’t realise the dangers of the game they're playing until it’s too late.

The cost, aside from burnout and hollow achievement, is that many relationships, marital and parental, is sacrificed at the altar of ambition. The irony? The success we’re after often isn’t even ours, yet we chase it blindly, believing the lie, I’ll be happy when I get the promotion, when I hit six figures, when I retire…

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: success, as sold to us, is a treadmill with no off switch, and by the time many men reach ‘retirement’, they’re too burnt out, too restless and too detached from their loved ones and friends to enjoy it.

Don’t spend decades living for someday only to realise it never comes; instead, consider and reflect on what success means to you using the quotes below

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: How Time Poverty Fuels Loneliness in Men

Time poverty is an invisible crisis affecting countless professional men, particularly those juggling career demands with the responsibilities of the ‘sandwich generation’. But beyond neglected gym memberships or a distinct lack of engagement in hobbies lies a far deeper and unspoken consequence: profound loneliness.

According to ONS, despite being in the prime of life, men aged 35 to 44 are among the loneliest demographics in the UK; furthermore, and in a sad statistic, the November Foundation reports only 1 in 5 men say they have a close friend they can talk to about something deeply personal.

A 2023 study from the U.S. Surgeon General found loneliness is as harmful to long-term health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and even more damaging than obesity – and yet, many men continue to push through, in silence, convinced their self-sacrifice will be worth it!

If it is not apparent already, this mindset is costing us dearly. The chronic absence of meaningful connection and personal time erodes our sense of self and purpose. When we ignore the warning signs of burnout, isolation, and emotional fatigue, we lose not only our health but our lives.

It’s time for a shift. We must begin to treat time as the precious, finite resource it is. That means setting boundaries, saying no to the relentless hustle culture, and carving out space for real friendships, nature, and self-reflection. Reclaiming time isn’t just about managing our diaries better; it’s about living better lives.

Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider how well you’re showing up, or not, in your life:

The true cost of me not protecting my time better is…
Of all my friendships, the ones I know need to invest more time into are…
If I were to honestly describe my life in only three words, those three words would be…

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom.

William von Hippel, psychologist, professor, and author, returns to Modern Wisdom to explain why our modern lives feel so complex and how ignoring our prehistoric needs impacts our well-being today.

Through an evolutionary lens, he gives his considered opinion on who’s happier, has more connection, and life autonomy: us or hunter-gatherers.

Expect to learn if it would be helpful to return back to a simpler hunter-gatherer time of human evolution, why so many people struggle to be happy, why having autonomy is so important, which forces shape autonomy and connection and why we’ve come to worship individualism so much.

This month’s recommendation for any man looking to advance his life and live with greater integrity is: How to be a Stoic.

Stoicism teaches us to acknowledge our emotions, reflect on what causes them and redirect them for our own good. It’s a paradigm shifting perspective that equips practitioners of Stoicism with life enriching skills.

Author, Massimo Pigliucci explores this remarkable philosophy and how its wisdom can be applied to our everyday lives in the quest for meaning. He shows how stoicism teaches us the importance of a person's character, integrity and compassion.

Written in a non-academic style with frank, engaging language, and without any technicalities, this should be one of the first books you want to read if you're interested in Stoic philosophy.

Frankly, 2017 was a shit but transformative year!

I nearly lost my marriage and my sanity.

At the time, I lived at the extremes. Ultimately, I nearly chose death over honesty.

I was secretly suffering, wearing fake smiles, being all things to all people, spinning a million plates, pretending that my life felt as good as it looked – but the void between the two was eroding my soul.

I was in crisis and, like many men, still managed to appear invulnerable.

I resisted help.

Poor mental health wasn't on my radar; naively, I believed it was something weaker men than I experienced.

But my racing mind, sleepless nights and borderline panic attacks strongly suggested otherwise.

I was drowning in my thoughts. There were months of WTF! Finally, I broke down.

But that breakdown became my breakthrough.

Amongst many things, having sought support and taken time out from the complexities of the life I’d worked hard to build, I broke through the myth of masculinity, the flawed thinking that professional success equals personal happiness.

Life doesn’t hand out wisdom freely; it forges it through adversity. I learnt that true resilience isn’t about enduring more pain; it’s about learning how to live differently.

You can’t change the past, but you can, like I did, write a better future.

You can define success on your own terms. You can create a life that doesn’t just look good but also feels good. You can be successful and fulfilled.

To the men who feel stuck, who've sacrificed so much but feel like they’ve gained so little, you're not alone; your story isn’t over.

You don’t, in almost all cases, need to start again, and the life you want is still within reach.

Your breaking down of the facade, or the simple admittance (even in strict confidence) that change is required, could be your greatest breakthrough.

The cost of enduring your life isn’t worth it; either now or in the future, you will pay a debt for ignoring how you feel.

I’ve built a self-diagnostic tool; find out in less than two minutes by clicking the button below if you need a coach.

This month’s TED Talk is: Go Slow: Adopt the Pace of Nature

What is my relationship like with nature? asks Dr Christine Lynn Norton, Professor of Outdoor Therapy from Texas State University.

We all know that nature is good for us, but how often do we take time to intentionally connect with the natural world around us? In this heartfelt talk, interwoven with personal stories, Dr Norton shares a research-informed method for slowing down and connecting with nature to enhance our well-being and sense of belonging in the world.

For the first time in our history, we stepped away from our monthly walk in nature to support and participate in a half-marathon for our 2025 charitable partner, bigmoose.

Last year, 1,000 runners joined bigmoose for their Cardiff Fun Run. This year, that number grew to an incredible 6,069 runners! One runner for every life lost to suicide each year in the UK, which for me feels like a symbolic and heartwarming show of unity and support.

Among them, 19 men from Men & Mountains standing proudly on the start line!

The event? Superbly organised and full of passion and positivity, think thousands of people cheering from the sidelines, choirs, DJs, cowbells, blue skies, and even a bit of sunshine – Cardiff showed up in full force!

For our team, it was a day of first-timers and personal bests, and together we’ve raised over £2,500; but more than that, it felt like we were part of something truly meaningful; you could feel the positivity in every person there.

Our next walk is on Sunday 11 May ; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.

"An absolute must-read" – Ryan Jones MBE

My Amazon bestselling book, Rethinking Masculinity, is for any man who has experienced a setback, finds himself stagnant or is silently enduring the second half of his life. It’s a guide for any man who is questioning, ‘Is this it?’ or fears his best years are behind him.

It’s an accessible, thought-provoking and pragmatic read.

You can get your copy for free, just paying postage, via clicking the button to my website below.

April 2025

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 14:08:19 GMT

Navigating Midlife: Confronting Comfort and Rekindling Connection

Understanding the Impact of 'Grey Divorce' and the Necessity for Challenge in Midlife.

For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years, and in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards—only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis, and divorce.

My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions, about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading toward it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success is for you.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Middle-Age Marriage Crisis, Spot the Warning Signs

Separation and divorce are a fact of modern life. In the UK, it’s estimated that 42% of marriages end in divorce, and while overall divorce rates have declined since the 1990s, divorces among individuals over 50 have doubled - a phenomenon often referred to as ‘grey divorce.’

Before you think this isn’t relevant to you and scroll past, pause for a minute. Whether you’re in your 50s now or it’s just around the corner, you don’t need to make the same mistakes as older generations to learn from their experiences - I’d encourage you to read on.

Several key factors contribute to this trend. Firstly, as life expectancy increases, individuals may reassess their long-term happiness, leading to separations in later life. Secondly, higher levels of financial independence, particularly among women, have made it more feasible for individuals to leave unsatisfying marriages. Finally, societal attitudes toward divorce have evolved, reducing the stigma associated with ending a marriage.

Statistically speaking, the most common reasons cited for divorces include lack of intimacy (47%), communication problems (44%), and absence of sympathy, respect, or trust (34%). These issues can become more pronounced in middle age as couples face challenges such as empty nesting and the emergence of differing life goals.

As the word relation(ship) suggests, like a ship, if you see the rocks ahead, you can still change course. With the right adjustments, whether through communication, counselling, or renewed commitment, many couples, my wife and I included, can steer their relationship back on track, avoiding both the emotional and financial strain of divorce. That said, for some couples, divorce is the best path forward and can lead to healthier, happier, and more fulfilling futures.

Consider and reflect, using the quotes above, on your state of your relationship, your marriage.

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Sit down, to take a minute, to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: The Hidden Cost of Comfort: Why Middle-Aged Men Need Challenge

Constant comfort is a radically new experience for human beings. As a species, we’re around 200,000 - 300,000 years old, yet in the last 100 years, we’ve engineered a world that maximises ease and convenience. Food delivery is at our fingertips, entertainment is on demand, and minimal physical effort is required for almost everything. But the trade-off (?), is that we’re moving less, engaging less, and in many ways, struggling more.

Health-span (how long we stay healthy and functional) hasn’t kept pace with lifespan. More people are living longer but dealing with chronic diseases, mental health struggles, and a sense of disconnection.

The ‘diseases of despair’, depression, anxiety, and addiction aren’t just medical issues; they’re signals that something is off in how we’re living - and I think we sense it. In a recent YouGov survey, only 6% of respondents believe the world is improving - CRAZY!

Carl Jung believed that men need a degree of difficulty in their lives; he said difficult is necessary for health, personal growth and self-actualisation, and I agree. Perhaps it’s time to kick off the blanket of complacent convenience, to stop making excuses, and instead, re-engage in your life in more deliberate and physically challenging ways.

Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider the need to challenge yourself, after all, your health, happiness, and sense of purpose potentially depend on it:

If you were to be candidly honest, how do you feel about your body…
In what ways would your life improve if you lived with better health…
What’s a small goal or challenge, you could set yourself that would improve the quality of your life…

This month’s recommendation is: Feel Better, Live More.

James Hollis, psycho-analyst and author, is the very definition of the phrase ‘wise-elder’ at 85, and with decades invested in Jungian psychology, he is a wise, wise man. In this conversation, James explains the important differences between purpose and meaning, and shares how his midlife depression, at the age of 35, was a pivotal moment that caused him to confront the harsh reality that despite doing all the right things, he wasn't living true to himself.

With careful guidance from Dr Rangan Chatterjee, this episode explores James thought-provoking ‘second half of life’ concept - not a chronological age, but a psychological shift, one when we start questioning who it is that we really are, what we want to be in service of, and what we want to sue our finite time for. Also discussed is why so many of us end up living our lives by other people's rules - trying to please family, fit cultural norms, or climb career ladders. James explains that, whilst this approach might help us get by at first, it often leads to burnout, depression, and, ill health.

Skip the first 4 minutes of adverts – if you wish; enjoy!

This month’s recommendation for any man looking to improve their lives by unlocking their mind, it’s: The Mountain Is You.

For centuries, the mountain has been used as a metaphor for the big life challenges we face. For many of us, before we climb our mountains, we must do the deep internal work of understanding ourselves, whilst simultaneously, building higher levels of resilience, and adjusting intentionally, how we show up in readiness for the climb ahead.

In the end, like the metaphor, it is not the mountain we master but ourselves, and that’s why this is a book about self-sabotage, specifically why we do it, when we do it, and how to stop doing it for good. Self-sabotaging behaviours plague many of us, and this is the best book I’ve read about this subject.

It’s a must-read for anyone aspiring to achieve something meaningful in life but finds themselves hindered by their own limiting beliefs or in a cycle of self-sabotage. If you read it, you’ll find it an accessible guide filled with insights, wisdom, and empowering strategies to break free from the chains of self-sabotage.

Lots of men are fathers, but not enough are dads.

Too many professionally successful men are unknowingly missing out on the one job that truly matters - being present for their kids. They leave early and work late, they take the meetings and chase promotions.

They provide, but are they there?

Parenting isn’t what it was a generation ago; simply being the breadwinner isn’t enough anymore.

Kids don’t just need a provider - and this isn't just needing a physical presence. This is about an engaged and emotional presence. They need a dad who shows up and who listens; a dad who knows them.

Here’s the truth: an absent dad isn’t just the one who isn't around. He’s also the one who’s physically present but emotionally absent. And the impact of that absence? It cuts deeper than many fathers realise - until it’s too late.

So, how do you know if you’re an absent dad? If this question even crosses your mind, you probably already have your answer.

But if you’re still unsure, ask yourself these three simple questions:

What’s your child’s shoe size?
Can you name at least three of their best friends?
Can you share one fear and one dream they have?

If you hesitated - this is your signal.

Children only get one childhood, so make sure you don't miss it.

This month’s TED Talk is: How to Speak so That People Want to Listen.

Whether at home, the workplace, or in the community, your ability to talk, share information, capture people’s attention and deliver instructions are critical to one’s experience of life.

So, if you have ever felt like you could amplify your impact or be a more influential communicator, here’s sound expert, Julian Treasure, to help you increase your speaking prowess.

In less than 10 minutes, Julian demonstrates, through his 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking and using his HAIL technique, simple vocal shifts and tips on how to speak in more engaging ways. It’s a great TED – and the fact that it’s been viewed 44M times, I hope encourages you to watch and learn from it.

March’s Men & Mountains was a cracker; a real physical challenge, experienced in near-perfect weather conditions.

30 men formed up to take on a punchy 8-mile route. After steep climbs and descents, we finally arrive at our lunch spot, Llyn Cwm Llwch – a few brave souls took the chance to take a dip. After lunch, we meandered down the valley before crossing a stream and taking on our final climb of the day; at the top, not only was there a tangible sense of satisfaction, but there was also fantastic views out across the Black Mountains and into Mid Wales.

At Men & Mountains, we walk to talk, connect and to invest in ourselves, and the community we’re a part of. At the start of every walk, I introduce a question for our members to discuss; this month’s was a two parter.

Firstly, other than money, what makes a man’s life rich? Secondly, what, or who, is the most valuable thing in your life?

I was a part of and heard some great, honest, and authentic sharing. So much so, I invite you, whoever you are reading this, to consider the same questions.

A shout-out! This year, our charitable partnership is with bigmoose . The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks, but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. Bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody but through our partnership, the money we raise, we’re already over £800, will be used exclusively to support men, so here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.

We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.

If you want to walk March’s route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a 60-second clip, filmed by Alun Leach, that perfectly captures the essence of our walks: Click Here

I write succinctly and thoughtfully about a range of topics and issues relating to men, masculinity and success. I use the platform to advocate for a better masculinity, one our sons and daughters, tomorrow’s men and women, will benefit from.

If we’re not connected, click the button below to access my LinkedIn profile.

March 2025

Sun, 09 Mar 2025 14:09:38 GMT

Redefining Masculinity: Embracing Strength Through Vulnerability

Harnessing Physical Energy: The Overlooked Key to Sustained Success

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: A Call to Middle-Aged Men to Rethink Masculinity for the Next Generation.

Many men journey through life believing their masculinity is something they must constantly prove, something so fragile that it can be lost with a single misstep, or at risk of being seen as weak if they show vulnerability. This fear shapes how men talk, walk, dress, and even how they express their personal and collective emotions.

Masculinity is at a crossroads, the one-dimensional blueprint handed down by previous generations is unfit for purpose. As a result, many men suppress qualities like: compassion, tenderness, and emotional intelligence, fearing these traits will diminish their masculinity. Instead, they adopt hypermasculine behaviours: control, emotional isolation, and even neglecting their own well-being. The cost? Strained relationships, mental health struggles, and a version of manhood that traps men in fear rather than true strength.

Middle-aged men are in a powerful position to change this. We’ve lived long enough to see the damage of unhealthy, dysfunctional masculinity (something I write about in more depth in Rethinking Masculinity), and we owe it to the next generation to redefine what it truly means to be a man. If we want healthier sons, stronger relationships and a better society, we, today’s middle-aged men must model a masculinity that is secure, resilient, and whole. This starts with us; let’s step up, redefine the narrative, and show the world that a real man is not afraid to embrace his full self.

Consider and reflect, using the quotes below, on how you show up as a man:

Following on from the theme above, give yourself a gift; sit down, take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: The Overlooked Key to Success, Your Physical Energy.

You’re busy. You’ve got responsibilities. You’re juggling work, family, and the never-ending to-do list. But let’s be honest, how often do you think about your physical energy? Not just fitness or body weight, but the real lifeforce energy that fuels your day, your life?

Here’s the truth: success isn’t just about innovative ideas, years of hardship or outworking everyone else, it’s much more nuanced, but without the physical stamina to sustain you, even the smartest strategies and best-laid plans will eventually fall apart.

Most men neglect their bodies for years, running on caffeine, convenience food, and too little sleep. The result? A slow, silent erosion of energy. You wake up tired, rely on willpower to push through, and wonder why burnout looms in the background, or worse, you arrive at a place where you feel work gets the best of you and your family gets what’s left of you. The good news… You don’t need to overhaul your life. Small, simple (atomic) habits can make a significant difference, think: getting quality sleep, eating real food, moving more, enjoying the connection with others, and working with, not against, your natural energy rhythms.

Think of your body, and its energy as the foundation of your success. When you take care of it, you don’t just survive the day, you optimise your life and move closer to performing at your best. Bottomline, more energy means better decisions, sharper thinking, and the stamina to keep winning.

Take a moment to consider how well you care for yourself by answering or reflecting on the prompts below:

In only three words, describe how you physically feel…
If you had more vitality and more energy, what effect would this have in your life…
What stops, or gets in the way, of you treating yourself like you’re someone you care about…

This month’s recommendation is: The Rich Roll Podcast.

Arthur Brooks is a Harvard professor, behavioural scientist, and the world’s leading researcher on happiness. In this episode, guided skilfully by Rich, the conversation explores the ineffable nature of happiness and meaning and double-clicks on why success addiction plagues high achievers. It goes on to examine the intersection between science and happiness and investigates the tension between striving and surrendering. Prof Brooks, through a captivating shift in perspective, shines light on a new understanding of love, purpose, and fulfilment, and reveals how our fixation on striving often obscures the true source of happiness.

Skip the first 4 minutes of adverts – if you wish; enjoy!

This month’s recommendation for any man looking to improve their lives by unlocking their mind, it’s: Meditations for Mortals.

Meditations for Mortals is designed as a four-week ‘retreat for the mind’ it offers daily wisdom and inspiration and takes readers on a liberating journey towards a more meaningful life, one that begins not with fantasies of an ideal, Instagram-able existence, but with the reality in which we find ourselves. Leveraging philosophy, literature, psychology and self-help, Burkeman (author of the superb 4000 Weeks) explores practical tools and subtly shifts in perspective, the result is a bracing challenge to much familiar advice and a profound, yet entertaining crash course in living more fully.

Published in an extremely accessible way, with less than 170 pages of reading, it’s thoughtful, level-headed, useful, and a book you won’t regret reading or listening to.

A crude metaphor: if you stood in dog shit, you'd at least take your shoes off before entering your home.

But what happens when you've had a terrible day - when stress, frustration, and pressure cling to you just as stubbornly? Too often, professionally successful men bring this emotional 'excrement' home without realising it.

They walk through the door carrying the weight of meetings gone wrong, missed targets, or office politics. And while they may leave their coats at the door, the irritability, fatigue, and tension follow them into their living rooms and bedrooms - impacting the people who matter most.

The irony?

Many men work hard to provide a better life for their families, yet their presence, when weighed down by chronic work stress, can be damaging - sometimes without a word being spoken.

If this sounds familiar; awareness is the first step. Just as you'd clean your shoes, it’s essential to find ways to clean your mind, or reset your mood; after all, success isn't just about what you achieve at work but how you show up at home.

A moment of mindfulness in the car, a walk around the block, or even a simple pause to breathe deeply before stepping inside can make all the difference.

If you recognise your loved ones deserve better, it starts with you, you must do better.

This month’s TED Talk is: Healthy Masculinity: The Power of Men's Personal Stories.

What does it mean to be a man in today's world? In this poignant and inspiring talk, Dr. Jocelyn Lehrer shows how harmful social ideas about masculinity contribute to diverse health and justice challenges for people of all genders.

She shares her 12-year journey of building the Men's Story Project, where men publicly share raw, personal stories that challenge norms and take a stand for healthy masculinity and gender equality. Dr Leher shares powerful moments from the Project, showing the impacts men can have when they share their stories that were just beneath the surface.

This TedTalk hasn’t been seen nearly enough – it’s both awareness-raising and articulates the cultural shift you’re a part of if you’re reading this Bulletin.

With 25 men on the mountain, our second walk of the year, as described by one of our members, was a walk of three thirds!

Beginning with the long and undulating Dragon’s back ascent, then navigating the extreme ice and windchill of at least -8c on the tops of Waun Fach, before finally heading completely off-piste and descending back towards lower slopes, and more forgiving weather.

The route and weather were challenging but with a sense of togetherness, brought on by the severity of the weather conditions, we stayed tight and worked collectively to get every man off the mountain. Our walk topic, there’s one at every Men & Mountains meet was:

What pressures do you put on yourself…?

Before you scroll on, take a moment to consider, with honesty how would you answer this same question… I heard men talk about parenting pressures, perfectionism in the workplace, giving too much of themselves to others, and trying to make everyone happy – amongst many other topics.

A shout-out! This year, our charitable partnership is with bigmoose . The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks, but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose , they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody, but through our partnership, the money we raise, we’re already close to £400, which will be used exclusively to support men, so here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.

We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.

If you want to walk February’s route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our walk: Click Here

Are you - underperforming, lacking purpose, feeling discontent, questioning ‘is this it?’

Life’s a team sport and the best teams have coaches, for a reason. If you’re unsure, still on the fence, or part of the stubborn old guard who sees seeking support as an admission of weakness or inadequacy, I’ve built a diagnostic tool that will quickly, in less than 2 minutes, assess whether you need a coach or not.

February 2025

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 11:15:56 GMT

Resisting Change: Breaking Free from Comfort

Living Frantically: The Hidden Cost of Avoidance

For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years and, in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards - only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis and divorce.

My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading towards it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success, is for you.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Resisting Change.

Many middle-aged men grapple with a stubborn resistance to change, even when they acknowledge its potential benefits. This reluctance is rooted in a deep-seated comfort with established routines and a profound fear of the unknown. After years of constructing identities around specific habits and beliefs, the idea of change can feel threatening, as it challenges their sense of self.

Societal expectations further complicate this struggle, dictating that men should embody strength and control. As a result, vulnerability—often associated with embracing change—can be perceived as a weakness. This internal conflict highlights a crucial truth: we frequently stand in our way, hindered by habits that do not serve our authentic selves. As James Clear states in Atomic Habits, our identity shapes our actions, making it vital to understand who we are and what we truly desire.

When clarity about our values and aspirations is lacking, we often conform to others' expectations, leading to a life that feels inauthentic and unfulfilling. By cultivating self-awareness and envisioning the life we genuinely want, we can dismantle the barriers preventing us from living authentically. Ultimately, the journey toward personal growth and fulfilment begins with knowing ourselves and committing to habits that align with our truth.

Consider the quotes below to understand your levels of resisting change:

Following on from the theme above, give yourself a gift; sit down, take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Living Frantically and Loneliness.

In our fast-paced, modern world, the strain of daily life can lead to feelings of isolation, inadequacy and chronic stress; often manifesting itself as withdrawal and/or a sense of separation from those we love, or our friends.

This reality is particularly evident among men who are navigating a shift in real-time, from an outdated blueprint of masculine success, one focussed on provision, to a much more inclusive and nuanced ideal. Too many men often in vain try to live up to relentless expectations, pressures and responsibilities; thus, they optimise their lives for productivity and find themselves trapped in a cycle where life becomes a checklist to be completed rather than a meaningful journey to be experienced.

As this work-life conflict intensifies, and the lines between personal and professional life continue to blur, many feel a sense of diminished connection in their lives. Becoming apparent, through client conversations is an interesting realisation. Often, most men only realise how frantically they’ve been living when they're forced to slow down… For me, this highlights our need for greater self-awareness (through coaching, journalling and even checking in with ourselves).

The bottom line is that when tasks take precedence over relationships, and we treat life like a game of whack-a-mole, the quality of our interactions deteriorates and contributes to a collective feeling of loneliness.

Take a moment to consider the pace of your life by answering, or reflecting on the prompts below:

If I were honest with myself, I would describe the cadence, or rhythm of my life as being…
If I were to live a slower, more deliberate life, I know I’d benefit in the following ways…
If I don’t choose to be less busy, the longer-term costs of continuing to live life this way will be…

This month’s recommendation is: High Performance.

In this episode, Olympian swimmer, Adam Peaty returns for a frankly raw and honest conversation about his extraordinary journey, sharing moments of triumph, vulnerability, resilience, and the hard-earned wisdom he’s gained along the way. Adam speaks openly with Jake and Damian about the challenges he faced in the run-up to the Paris Olympics, uncovering the mental and emotional struggles that followed.

He recounts the moment he acknowledged his struggles, the steps he took to rebuild himself, and how he coped with feeling broken.

Whilst this episode explores the mindset of a champion, the reality of defeat, and what it truly means to rise again, Adam’s journey of adversity and reinvention follows a similar trajectory to that of many of the men I coach.

Listen to him as a man, not an Olympian, and you’ll be rewarded.

This month’s recommendation for any man looking to improve their lives by unlocking their mind, it’s: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.

In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, renowned author, speaker and researcher, Dr. Joe Dispenza combines the fields of quantum physics, neuroscience, brain chemistry, biology, and genetics in an accessible way to show you what is truly possible once you’re able to harness the power of the mind.

Whilst this isn’t a book you skim over; you’ll be rewarded for your investment of attention. You’ll be equipped with the necessary knowledge to change limiting aspects of yourself while also being taught the step-by-step tools to apply what you learn. This recommendation is especially useful for any man, who, like in the Quotes sections above, recognises he resists change. I suspect those who read it will find it a powerful blend of leading-edge science and real-life application – personally, I’ve read it twice, it’s that good.

To whom it may concern... Just because you’re not overtly failing doesn’t mean you’re succeeding.

Many professionally successful, yet time-poor men, live sub-optimal, work-orientated lives. They know it, they feel it, but often don’t own it.

Instead. They continue to bury themselves in work; grinding out their days despondently, tired and stressed.

Despite telling their employees, or colleagues, that family comes first, theirs does not.

Don’t risk one day waking up one day realising you’ve spent years chasing the wrong rewards.

Don’t be that guy! Don’t let the pursuit of success blind you to what truly matters.

Own your life, fully, or face the consequence of regret. FYI. If you're not sure who I am, or what I do, simply read my LI recommendations.

This month’s TED Talk is: How to Practice Emotional First Aid.

We spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds! These words, from psychologist Guy Winch, stopped me in my tracks – because it’s shockingly true. Intelligently, he argues that we'll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or are expressing a nagging pain; so why don’t we see a health professional when we feel emotional pain: guilt, loss, loneliness?

Too many of us deal with common psychological health issues on our own, but we don’t have to. He makes a compelling case to practice emotional hygiene by taking care of our emotions and our minds, with the same diligence we take care of our bodies.

Our first walk of the year was both nourishing and connecting. With 26 men covering 8.5 miles, it meant we had around 4 hours of quality conversation and connection.

Our walk topic, there’s one at every Men & Mountains meet was:

What advice would your future self give to this version of you…?

Collectively, our answers centred around being more patient, less judgmental, deliberate, connected, and present, bringing more fun into our lives, letting ourselves be happier, or better managing the pressures we place on ourselves.

Before you scroll on, how would you answer this same question…?

Our January was also significant as it marks the start of our charitable partnership with bigmoose. The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody but through our partnership, the money we raise will be used exclusively to support men so here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.

We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.

If you want to walk December’s route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our December’s walk: Click Here

For many, 2024 is already a distant memory…

But, when you look ahead, at your trajectory for 2025, is it clear, meaningful and positive; will your year be one of purposefulness and objective success?

If you can’t answer the questions above with a robust YES, you should consider my Consultation service. It’s a small investment, £300, that yields a significant return; in one 90-minute session, you’ll analyse your life, identify what is and isn’t working for you, and craft a plan to ensure 2025 matters!

January 2025

Thu, 09 Jan 2025 15:17:47 GMT

Self-Enquiry: The Path to Purposeful Living

Masculinity at a Crossroads: Redefining Success

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Self enquiry.

The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself. This insight, famously shared by Tony Robbins, underscores the transformative power of self-enquiry. Yet, despite its potential, many men rarely pause to ask probing questions about their values, goals, or the direction of their lives. Instead, they remain in the passenger seat of their lives, drifting through routines and obligations without a clear sense of control.

Self-questioning is a vital tool for regaining personal agency and taking back the wheel. By asking thoughtful and probing questions. ‘What truly matters to me? What am I avoiding? Where do I want to grow?’ Men can uncover hidden motivations, challenge limiting beliefs, and set a course for meaningful change. Prominent business leaders often attribute their success to the power of questioning. It fuels innovation, fosters self-awareness, and helps identify the gaps between where you are and where you want to be.

I’ve witnessed, first-hand, with hundreds of men how the benefits of this practice extend far beyond decision-making; self-questioning cultivates clarity, courage, and a stronger sense of purpose. It pushes men to move beyond complacency, confront their fears, and lead their lives with intention. When you consistently ask the right questions, you take control—transforming life from something that happens to you into something you actively curate. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Following on from the theme above, give yourself a gift; sit down, take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Masculinity at a crossroads.

Underpinned by the pressures of self and societal expectations, parental responsibilities, the echo chamber of social media platforms, and the omnipresent demands of work, modern masculinity is adrift.

As men age, particularly during the sandwich generation period, many struggle between supporting young children and ageing parents. In this phase, the temptation to retreat into smaller, friction-free lives—marked by routine and predictability—can feel like the only viable option. But this is a mistake. Smaller lives, though seemingly safe, quickly lead to stagnation, robbing men of the growth, ambition, and purpose that define a fulfilling life.

Too often, modern men suppress their dreams, convincing themselves that self-sacrifice is synonymous with responsibility. They martyr themselves for their families or bury their struggles in overwork, masking deeper feelings of inadequacy or fear. While these choices may feel noble or practical, they come at the cost of personal fulfilment and a clear sense of identity.

To break free from this inertia, men must shake off the shackles of materialistic societal success and redefine their own definition of life success. Healthy, fit for purpose, masculinity requires the courage to confront life’s challenges, with a balance of strength and sensitives, head-on. Discerning what truly matters and leading with authenticity and purpose can enable men to choose growth and courage, over comfort and conformity. Consider the prompts below:

A goal or ambition I denied myself is…
A story I use, or tell myself, to justify my inaction is…
An area of concern I’ve avoided dealing with is… and I’ve been avoiding it because…

This month’s recommendation is: The Rich Roll Podcast.

Ancient stoic philosophy has experienced a renaissance of late; many are turning to it as it seems to offer practical wisdom that can help us navigate the nuances of our modern and complex world. In this edition of The Rich Roll Podcast, Ryan Holiday, a favourite thinker of mine, New York Times bestselling author and modern stoic philosopher shares insights from his latest book, ‘Right Thing, Right Now.’ Rich and Ryan discuss the stoic virtues, their contemporary applications, and examine the role of individual choice in societal change, finding purpose through service and right action, and many other topics.

Ryan is an abundance of practical wisdom; this conversation is a masterclass in applied philosophy. Enjoy!

This month’s recommendation is for the dads out there, it’s: Hunt, Gather, Parent.

Reflecting back on last year, a constant challenge for me was parenting, and how to show up for my children, aged 8 and 5. Whilst I’ve concluded parenting is an unsolvable puzzle, Hunt, Gather, Parent proved to be an insightful and practical lifeline. When author, Dr Michaeleen Doucleff became a mother, she examined the studies behind modern parenting guidance and found that the evidence was frustratingly limited, and the conclusions often ineffective.

She began to wonder if an opposite approach was needed – one founded on traditional wisdom, like the knowledge and experience passed down over hundreds, even thousands, of years within ancient cultures. With her young daughter in tow, she travelled across the world to observe and practice parenting strategies alongside families in Mexico, Africa and the Arctic Circle. Dr Doucleff soon learned that these cultures don't have the same problems with children that Western parents do.

Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop, built on cooperation instead of control; trust instead of fear; and personalised needs instead of standardised development milestones. Packed with practical takeaways, Hunt, Gather, Parent helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for modern families.

I’m currently and consciously choosing to abstain from social media and content ‘production.’ At some future point, I’ll re-engage, until then, and for the benefit of my Bulletin, I’ll share other people’s content that advocates for men and the principles of BetterMen.

This month’s post comes from TheTinMen whose purpose is widening perspectives around men.

“Men would rather (insert activity) than go to therapy”, is a meme that pokes fun at the unique hobbies men love.

Many laugh at these men.

Asking why they meticulously restore trains, go fishing, enact historic battles, sing sea shanties, trudge up mountains, or dive into frozen lakes...

But have these cynics not stopped to ask if, to these men, that is therapy?

Is hiking a mountain therapy?

Is building a trebuchet therapy?

Is going to the gym therapy?

Is enacting the Battle of Agincourt therapy?

I think it is.

Considering our male suicide epidemic, it’s sad to see so many of the idiosyncratic outlets many men use, mocked, derided, or seen as an ‘excuse’ for the very thing these activities already are.

So why are we holding onto antiquated, clinical and largely female-centric models of ‘therapy’, and mocking men who choose a different route, for their own needs? And who gets to gatekeep what qualifies as ‘therapy’?

If anything, these men dressed in suits of armour swinging swords in the rain, climbing Kilimanjaro with their mates, singing Wellerman, or plunging into ice-cold lakes, are the innovators of novel therapeutic models, who we should not smugly insult, but learn from, and admire.

So, to these men – who bravely pursue such hobbies, and who gain tremendous mental health benefits as a result – I salute you as pioneers, ahead of your time, and I will happily join your next great battle.

Thank you for showing us the way.

So, what is therapy to you?

Credit: thetinmen.

This month’s TED Talk is: Sleep Is Your Superpower.

Many of us neglect our sleep, and instead of optimising for it, we mistakenly let life factors diminish its restorative benefits.

Sleep is your life-support system and Mother Nature's best effort yet at immortality, says sleep scientist Matt Walker. In this deep dive into the science of slumber, Walker shares the wonderfully good things that happen when you get to sleep and the alarmingly bad things that happen when you don't, for both your brain and body. Learn more about sleep's impact on your learning, memory, immune system and even your genetic code, as well as some helpful tips for getting some shuteye.

For all the right reasons, our final walk of 2024 was one to remember!

Before Christmas, in wintry conditions, a group of 20 strong-backed and open-hearted men gathered to take on a challenging 8.5-mile route. We walked and talked, then headed to a rural pub for our annual Festive Gathering.

Our route saw us cross streams, climb mountains, navigate boggy ground and be buffeted by high winds but throughout the walk, conversation, connection and morale were high. The topic of conversation for attendees was to consider, share and discuss the ‘headline’ summary of their year; it led to meaningful and sincere conversation.

At our lunch stop, luckily, we found a place of relative shelter, we played festive music, think Wham’s Last Christmas, shared mince pies and warmed ourselves with hot mulled wine. Back at the highly recommended Red Cow Inn, Pontsticill, over food and a pint, we continued to connect and plan our adventures for 2025.

We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.

If you want to walk December’s route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our December’s walk: Click Here

Life’s a team sport; if you’re starting the new year feeling tired, disconnected, in a rut, or from a deficit, don’t try to navigate your challenges alone.

Quickly, in less than 2 minutes, find out if you’d benefit from coaching by completing my Do I Need a Coach? Self-Assessment Tool.

It will give you an accurate temperature check of where you’re at, and what areas of life require your attention. Upon completion, you’ll receive a PDF report detailing your unique assessment score along with specific recommendations designed to enable you to progress – personally and professionally.

December 2024

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 14:46:33 GMT

Navigating Festive Stress: A Guide for Men

Self-Respect: Maintaining Well-being During Holidays.

Life is busy and time is precious, especially in December! My monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all thing’s men, mindset and success.

Before I share the usual useful resources, here’s a segment to help you better manage the festive season…

Behind the forced smiles and the Christmas jumpers, reality exists in stark contrast with the picture-perfect ‘festive fun’ image the world projects around Christmas...

Across the country, sat alongside the festivities factor, which now starts in November, the Christmas period can also be a season of significant emotional, mental and financial stress. For many men, particularly those running businesses, in professional careers or navigating the challenges of blended families, they can find themselves feeling guilty of ‘keeping up appearances’ during Christmas and the New Year period.

Immersed in the light-heartedness of festive films, clever, targeted advertising and Christmas-themed TV shows, everyone seems to be enjoying themselves and living their best life; but behind closed doors, fake smiles, the reality is often different. In a report commissioned by the Priory Group, 53% of male respondents said they felt lonely at Christmas, despite being in the company of others. In a recent YouGov poll, 35% of men said they found Christmas stressful and 41% were worried about overspending.

Across my years of coaching, around Christmas time, I often hear clients say, ‘Why am I not enjoying this?’ or ‘Why can’t I relax’, and are left perplexed, wondering, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ If you feel the same or hear yourself saying similar, know you’re not alone. A survey by the Mental Health Foundation found that 26% of people say that Christmas time makes their mental wellness worse.

There’s a multitude of reasons men might not enjoy Christmas. They might find seeing family members stressful, worry about childcare arrangements, perhaps additional travel, buying presents, balancing festive spending, and trying to manage their desire to be a present parent with their workload.

Prolonged stress over the festive period can lead many men to begin the New Year already fatigued and already struggling to manage their lifestyles. For men who have a history of feeling frustrated or expect to find the festive season a struggle, I advise the three C’s:

Create Space – we all recognise common sense isn’t always common practice, so to begin with, create some space or take time away from the sources of stress – even if it’s your partner or dependents. It could be that you have a daily, festive ritual (that others are aware of in advance). Start the morning, or evening with a short walk; seek fresh air, get some space, listen to relaxing music – be outdoors.

Check-In – as ‘they’ say, a problem shared is a problem halved. Check-in with a trusted person, whether a friend or a family member; use that time to share, vent, decompress and externalise unhelpful thoughts and feelings. Feeling trapped, mentally, or emotionally, will only amplify festive woes. Think, in advance, who’s the one person I can turn to if I feel the need to decompress…?

Consciously Consume – we are what we eat, we become who we spend time with; I’m extending this thread to include what we consume, specifically mindless scrolling and boxset bingeing. Bringing awareness to what we’re eating (and drinking), who we’re spending time with, and our usage of technology can improve our festive experience. Be conscious… If possible, aim to be proud of your choices…

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Self Respect.

Self-respect is crucial for busy, middle-aged men because it forms the foundation for their well-being, relationships, and decision-making. High levels of self-respect can’t happen, or be achieved unless a man values himself, sets boundaries and prioritises self-care/time for himself - even amidst the demands of work, family, and societal expectations. Perhaps you can relate? When men respect themselves, they make healthier choices, maintain their mental and physical health, and build stronger, more authentic connections with others.

However, many middle-aged men neglect themselves due to the pressures of providing for their families, advancing their careers, and conforming to traditional notions of masculinity; they subtly slide into a state of self-sacrifice over self-care. Over time, neglecting self-respect can lead to a sense of middle-aged malaise and low energy; it can strain relationships and level a man with a diminished sense of purpose. Reclaiming self-respect takes work but the reward is significant, it enables men to re-invent themselves, to make life happen for them instead of letting life happen to them… Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

As we approach the end of the year use this as an opportunity to sit down, to take a minute, to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why the past is often the best predictor of the future.

Learning from the past is essential for personal growth. The past offers valuable insights into what worked, what failed, and why, helping us navigate the present and future more effectively. Self-reflection plays a crucial role in this process, allowing us to evaluate our actions, understand our patterns, and make meaningful improvements. By identifying past mistakes, we can develop strategies to avoid repeating them, thus bettering our futures.

However, to caveat this theme, learning from the past does not mean dwelling on it. Fixating on previous failures or regrets can hinder progress, trapping us in a cycle of victimhood, negativity and perhaps, in some cases, self-sabotaging behaviours. Instead, we should use the past as a guide, as a place to learn from – not live in.

Have you noticed how history often repeats itself? Think routines, behaviours, and outcomes; they tend to follow cyclical patterns. But, by using the past and understanding the repetitiveness of life, we can anticipate and get ahead of future challenges. Ultimately, the past is a powerful teacher—if we use it wisely, we can improve ourselves, our lives… Consider the prompts below:

The three things I did in 2024 that I won’t do in 2025 are…
Of all my priorities, the one thing I absolutely must get right in 2025 is…
Looking back, if I were writing the headline for my life in 2024, it would be…

This month’s recommendation is: High Performance.

Whilst not a newly released episode, it’s from late 2023, it’s a highly recommended and fascinating listen that encourages listeners to explore a deeper understanding of themselves, their relationships, and why we should be seeking fulfilment, not happiness. Alain de Botton, the guest, is an author and philosopher whose work focuses on love, parenthood, mental health and the true meaning of success.

During this episode, Jake, Damian and Alain dive deep into each of these subjects with the conversation highlighting the importance of leaning into uncomfortable emotions to better understand ourselves. Alain challenges Jake and Damian’s perceptions of what high performance looks like, debating whether the fight for success actually leads to a good life, and why we should be embracing averageness. Within this conversation, they discuss why we’re obsessed with fame, how to be a better parent, the benefits of a breakdown and how we can improve our relationships. Enjoy!

This month’s book recommendation is: The Courage to be Disliked.

In recent weeks, call it synchronicity (perhaps), this book has come to my attention multiple times… I first read it in 2018; a marriage counsellor recommended it, and I’ll be reading it again this month. It’s a thought-provoking book, and not just for people-pleasers, nice guys or those experiencing relational challenges. The Courage to be Disliked, based on the teachings of Adlerian psychology challenges conventional thinking and presents its ideas in a unique, dialogue-based format, which helps make complex concepts accessible and engaging.

This is a potentially transformative read for anyone looking to gain deeper self-understanding and simplify the challenges of everyday life.

In lieu of ‘Though Provoking Content’, as I’m taking a break from social content creation, I offer you 500 words on Masculinity, and our responsibility to mature it.

From birth, boys are exposed to a trifecta of conditioning: parental, societal and educational. These conditionings prescribe a one-dimensional blueprint of masculinity; where men are expected to work, provide, and protect. To be a masculine man is to be strong, silent, successful (professionally) and self-sufficient.

The problem is, that men, today, still unconsciously, follow this gender conditioning blueprint and it’s causing a crisis of masculinity.

Did you know, that the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK is suicide, 32% of men state they don’t have a best friend and the least happy, most anxious men in the population are those aged 40 – 49. Interestingly, the average age men divorce is at 46-49.

It’s time we pulled the plaster off not just a gender issue, but a societal one. The whole system of masculinity, the patriarchy, is obsolete. Whilst the world is accelerating, rapidly, I feel, we as a gender, are languishing.

We, as men, both as individuals and collectively, need to mature masculinity into a modern, fit-for-purpose function.

My vision is we, the men of today, redefine the societal standards of successful masculinity. We take the baton, and through the leadership of ourselves and those we serve, we lead meaningful, positive change.

I’m not here with a message of hope but with a message of change. We must break this cycle of passivity; no longer can we sit by, complicitly. If we do, our sons and daughters, tomorrow’s men and women, will pay the price for our inaction.

The old blueprint told men to prove their worth through work and continue this until retirement. We, our families, and or our communities deserve better. In my book, Rethinking Masculinity, I shine a light on the almost linear challenges affecting men, and the fabric of our society:

Workaholism – the respectable addiction.

Loneliness – the pandemic of the future.

Poor mental health – the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK.

Midlife crisis – all men experience a shift in middle age, those that ignore it, struggle, indefinitely.

Masculinity is at a crossroads; we must dismantle the intergenerational conditioning. We must provide a better blueprint, a more encompassing one; we must role model and lead the changes to create a healthier, more positive version of masculinity.

In Rethinking Masculinity, my Amazon bestselling book, I propose the BetterMen blueprint. It counters the life most men live. Instead of men neglecting and sacrificing their health, happiness, and relationships in the frantic pursuit of professional success, I invite men to lead themselves: to be clear on who they are, what they stand for, how they will live – and what legacy they will build. To invest time and effort in their key relationships; if they have them, to nurture and support their children, fully. To use their financial position to facilitate greater life experiences and build memories they will never forget. Finally, the last part of the blueprint is continued, but conscious, professional success. No more noses to the grindstone; this is the new winning formula for men and masculinity.

Will you join me, and 1000’s of other men, in becoming better?

If so, or you’re even partly curious about the changes you could, or should, bring into your life, get a copy of my book for FREE , just paying postage, by clicking the link below. The last day to order for a pre-Christmas delivery is 18th December.

Divorce – a reality of life, particularly in families where husbands are emotionally absent.

This month’s TED Talk is: What really matters at the end of life.

With two family deaths in October and my own near-death experience earlier in the year (stuck by a car), mortality and impermanence are on my mind…

In this TED Talk, BJ Miller, a palliative care physician, invites us to consider at the end of our lives what do we wish most for? For many, he shares that it is simply comfort, respect, and love. In a passionate and articulate talk, Miller, who thinks deeply about how to create a dignified, graceful end of life for his patients, offers viewers a moving talk which asks big questions about how we think about honouring life and death.

November's walk was a short but punch 8-mile circular that submitted both Corn Du and Pen Y Fan and provided a near-perfect autumnal experience for those in attendance.

With the weather forecast falling in our favour, we stepped off in clear skies and with great visibility; on the top of the windchill, around minus -5, kept us honest. Throughout the walk conversation was intimate and connecting; our discussion point, there’s one on every walk, was in line with the theme for this year’s International Men’s Day – role-modelling positive masculinity. It led to sharing's and conversations around relationships, leadership, parenting, and coaching sports teams to do the right, moral thing.

We have our Festive Gathering on Sunday 15th December ; there’s still a place or two left if you wish to join us. Message me on 07834456488 to book or find out more. Our 2025 dates will be populated over the festive period but if you’re looking to join a community, or be a part of something, look no further.

If you’re keen to lace up your boots and join us, register below.

If you want to walk November's route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our November walk: Click Here

If 2024 hasn’t been your best year, don’t fall into the trap of leaving 2025 to chance!

I’m serious, if you fear your best years are behind you or find yourself questioning ‘Is this it’, in less than 2 minutes, my Do I Need A Coach? diagnostic tool will help you identify the areas of life that are holding you back.

Upon completion, you’ll receive a PDF report detailing your unique audit score with specific recommendations designed to enable you to progress – both personally and professionally.

November 2024

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:19:23 GMT

Overcoming Comparison: Embracing Your Journey

No Man's Land: Finding Purpose in Midlife.

October hasn’t been a kind month to me or my family. We’ve had two bereavements. My gran, who was more like my mother from terminal cancer, and my wife’s gran, who died of old age at close to 101 – both within 30 hours of each other.

Needless to say, alongside supporting my family and serving my clients, I’ve taken time out for myself and that’s reflected in this month’s Bulletin edition being a lite version.

The Bulletin will be back to full strength for the final month of 2024.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Comparison.

Comparison can be deeply damaging to men’s self-esteem, especially when it becomes a persistent habit. In a world, especially those governed by algorithms, that constantly emphasises success, appearance, and achievement, men often compare themselves to others in ways that undermine their own worth. Whether it’s career milestones, physical fitness, wealth, or social status, these comparisons highlight perceived deficiencies, making men feel inadequate or like failures in their own lives.

When a man’s self-worth depends on measuring up to others or is bench-marked against the falsities of social media, he can lose sight of his own unique strengths and accomplishments. This frame of mind can lead to frustration, a feeling of inferiority and corrode one’s self-esteem. In reality, comparing oneself to others is an unfair gauge, a zero-sum game as everyone has a unique path shaped by different circumstances. Shifting the focus from external comparison to internal recognition enables men to feel a stronger connection to themselves, it equips them with greater agency and the opportunity to build higher levels of self-esteem based on authentic achievements. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is: No Man’s Land.

Middle age can be a pivotal time for men; often it’s when the awareness of unfulfillment first sets in. This realisation, knowing you're unhappy but feeling trapped, creates a state that I call ‘no man's land'. In no man’s land, men can feel stagnant and withdrawn, unable to muster the energy or inspiration to affect change. Over time, staying in this state can lead to apathy, a kind of emotional numbness where hope and enthusiasm fade.

However, as I have witnessed time and time again with clients, taking ownership and deliberate steps toward self-improvement can transform this phase. By actively engaging in personal growth, whether through career shifts, pursuing passions, reconnecting with relationships, or even addressing mental and physical health, men can (quickly) reclaim their sense of purpose. Self-betterment in middle age needn’t be complicated, but it can fuel new aspirations or open the door to a more fulfilling and engaging life. Don’t finish the year in no man’s land; use the prompts below to progress yourself and your life:

An area of my life that I know needs more effort for me is…?

What areas of my life am I not enjoying or merely enduring…?

If I were to make one decision to put me on the path toward a better life, it would be…?

This month’s podcast recommendation is a globally topical one, it’s the Joe Rogan Experience where Joe interviews Donald Trump. Joe keeps Trump honest, gives him space to ‘weave’ but ultimately delivers a great interview/podcast. Will he or won’t he be back in the Whitehouse…?

This month’s book recommendation is: I am Pilgrim.

I’ve not had the appetite this month for a personal or professional development read, so I’ve switched things up by reading fiction. At 891 pages, I am Pilgrim is a sizeable read, yet it’s an absolute page-turner, full of suspense and plot twists. It’s time to put down your phone and pick up a great book.

October’s walk, despite colliding with the first recognised storm of the 2024/25 season, Storm Ashely, offered me the chance to get some space, be in nature, and converse with good men capable of honest conversation.

Despite, the said reasons, cutting the walk short, we still endured around 7 miles and 4 hours of severe mountain weather – especially the wind! Our discussion topic was to share something we know we need help with but for whatever reason, haven’t asked for it… As is usual with Men & Mountains, the topic of conversation was a powerful catalyst of ego-less and honest conversation.

We have two walks left for 2024, the 17 Nov and 15 Dec . After our walk on Sun 15 Dec, for those who wish to join us, there’ll be a festive lunch at the Red Cow.

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If you’re keen to lace up your boots and join us, register below.

If you want to walk October's route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our walk: Click Here

Start today, not tomorrow.

My Amazon bestseller is a must-read for any man considering bringing change to his life – don’t just take my word for it, see the recent review below:

Get your copy, or gift to a friend for free, just cover the postage, currently £3.50, by following the link below.

October 2024

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:04:45 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Personal Energy: Fuelling Life's Purpose.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: The Cost of Complacency.

The cost of complacency for many middle-aged men is high, often leading to a sense of stagnation or decline, perhaps most prevalent in their 40’s and 50’s. After reaching certain milestones, like career success, family stability, or financial security, it’s easy to settle into a routine and lose the drive that once fuelled ambition. This complacency can lead to a lack of personal growth, mental stagnation, and a diminished sense of purpose.

Many men fall into this trap because they stop challenging themselves. The urgency to improve fades, and they become comfortable with "good enough." As a result, they stop setting new goals, risking a slow drift into dissatisfaction. In this period of life, the absence of meaningful progress or reinvention can lead to frustration or even a midlife crisis. To avoid languishing, men must actively push back against comfort, (if you haven’t already done so, read The Comfort Crisis, Michael Easter) continue seeking new challenges, and nurture personal growth throughout the entirety of their life span. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is: Personal Energy.

Personal energy is everything! It’s the fuel that powers our actions, decisions, and successes. Without consistently high levels of energy, even the most determined men will struggle to focus and fully reach their potential.

Whilst our personal energy is our life fuel, most take it for granted. Many middle-aged men, especially those living life at a frantic, overworked pace, or those lacking goals and languishing in a rut, live in what I call an energy deficit. They mismanage the basics of life: sleep, nutrition, movement and connection. As a result, they feel constantly depleted; they’re prone to diminished focus, susceptible to distraction and feel increasingly mediocre.

Contrastingly, when a man’s energy is strong and well-managed, he’s able to engage deeply with life: think about relationships, parenting and work, and can literally be the architect of his personal and professional future. The bottom line is, that by nurturing and prioritising personal energy, men can enjoy the life they've worked hard to build; they can live with higher levels of engagement, enthusiasm, and purpose. Take a moment to consider the prompts below:

What does my energy say and communicate about me…?
Who and what gets my best energy, who and what gets what’s left over…?
If I were to focus on and increase my levels of energy, the 3 things I’d have to STOP and START would be…?

This month’s recommendation is: Middle Man Podcast.

Featuring myself and host, Paul Sutton, we discuss the challenges of our midlife crises and go on to share our personal experiences of self-discovery. We look at the importance of self-awareness and why shedding our masks is an important midlife transition. Our conversation progresses to discuss why many midlife men feel trapped by the constructs of masculinity, by societal expectations and the lives they’ve built for themselves – whilst following the trajectory of ‘traditional success’. We talk about the importance of redefining success, beyond external achievements, and why finding a space, or group, to express oneself without judgment is crucial, especially in midlife.

These are key considerations for leading a purposeful and content life. Take a listen, let me know what you think:

This month’s book recommendation is: Die with Zero.

Imagine if, by the time you died, you did everything you were told to: you worked hard, saved your money, and looked forward to financial freedom when you retired - but the only thing you wasted along the way was… your life. Die with Zero presents a startling new and provocative philosophy as well as a practical guide on how to get the most out of your money—and out of your life. It’s intended for those who place lifelong memorable experiences far ahead of simply making and accumulating money for one’s so-called Golden Years.

In short, author Bill Perkins wants to rescue us from over-saving and under-living; it’s a common-sense guide to living rich instead of dying rich.

Navigating the agony of irrelevance is a journey reserved only for the successful…

I was reading a book recently which captured perfectly how I felt when I left the military. Long story short, in the last chapter of my military career, I held a position that enabled me to re-design the way Army Commandos were trained.

My team and I were considered exceptionally successful. We increased the number of soldiers who passed the All-Arms Commando course whilst concurrently ensuring the standard, and ethos of Army commandos wasn’t diluted. Despite successes and awards, even before I left the military, my position, my office, someone else was already in my seat, answering my calls and emails, leading my team and training my soldiers…

Time and time again, I hear other men, sometimes clients, talk about the agony of almost overnight irrelevance. In the book, Strength to Strength, A.C Brooks shares: ‘Almost nothing feels worse than becoming irrelevant, or even useless, to others who once held us in high regard’.

And yet, for men who give their all to their career, or business, as soon as they leave, sell, or exit, they’re pretty much irrelevant to those they leave behind.

Know this.

No one cares as much as you do about your job, your career or your business. When the time comes to move on, be ready for the painful transition, the question marks around identity and the inevitable agony of irrelevance.

Yours in becoming better.

This month’s TED Talk is: The Surprising Habits of Original Thinkers.

In this TedTalk, Adam Grant, thought leader, organisational psychologist and host of the superb podcast WorkLife, shares why he believes creative people come up with great, original ideas. He terms these types of people as ‘Originals’ and in this talk shares the three most common habits of Originals, the difference between self-doubt and idea doubt, why you don’t have to be first but you have to be different. Adam Grant is a superb thinker and communicator; he’s one of the few people I follow. This is useful, a must-watch TedTalk.

Despite a mixed forecast and a strong threat of rain, we somehow, and unusually, managed to stay dry throughout the entirety our of September walk.

With 10 miles offering us plenty of time in each other’s company, the conversation was constant and of quality, and with only a couple of buggers to push our heart rates, it was a great walk – just don’t mention the herds of cattle we had to navigate!

Our discussion topic was to share a defining moment in our lives that has made us who we are today… It was the catalyst for us all to get real, get honest and recognise the significance our own unique journeys.

Here are the dates for the remainder of the year: 20 Oct, 17 Nov, 14/15 Dec - stay tuned for the details for our Festive Gathering, with a twist.

If you’re keen to lace up your boots and join us, register below.

If you want to walk September's route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our September walk: Click Here

If you like, enjoy or find my monthly Bulletin useful, and we aren’t connected on LinkedIn, click the button below to connect on the only social media platform I use.

September 2024

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 12:23:33 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Setting Boundaries: Protecting Your Well-being.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Adversity and adaptation.

Adversity plays a critical role in both personal and professional growth; it serves as a catalyst for adaptation and growth. On a personal level, facing challenges pushes men beyond their comfort zones, forcing them to develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and emotional strength. These experiences can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself, fostering qualities like patience, empathy, and perseverance. For example, someone who has faced significant personal setbacks, such as divorce, bereavement, business or career failure, may emerge with a renewed sense of purpose, a stronger character, and a greater appreciation for the positives in life.

In the professional realm, adversity is equally important. Challenges in the workplace can be instrumental in building, or tuning, professional skills and over time, professionals who face and overcome adversity are often better equipped to handle future challenges. Adversity isn’t just about surviving hardship; it’s about thriving because of it; turning difficult experiences into opportunities for self-improvement and growth.

Ultimately, adversity is an essential component of personal and professional development. After the eye of the storm has passed, it equips men with the skills to better navigate the complexities of life and work - leading to a more fulfilled and impactful existence.

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is: The need for Boundaries.

The challenges of midlife are ubiquitous; it’s a stage of life that brings a unique set of challenges and demands that, if not managed effectively, can easily cause overwhelm or burnout. As men navigate life between their mid 30’s and early 50’s, they will find themselves juggling multiple responsibilities, simultaneously - career, family, aging parents, friends, etc, all whilst trying not to lose touch with their own aspirations and ambitions.

In this context, boundaries become a critical tool for maintaining balance, well-being, and a sense of control over one’s life. Boundaries serve as the framework which protects more than just our time; they importantly protect our wellness and relationships. Without clearly defined, and upheld boundaries, feelings of purposelessness and work-life conflict are almost inevitable. Conversely, clear boundaries help to prioritise and protect what truly matters; they ensure our time and energy are invested in activities and relationships that align with personal values and long-term goals. Simply put, boundaries are limits we set to protect our lives.

Societally, we live in a world where we’re exposed to constant demands, both personally and professionally; I often state there are two types of people in this world: those letting life happen and those making life happen – men living with boundaries are the most definitely the latter. Consider the prompts below:

I. Do I protect my time, space and energy well enough to live life on my own terms…

II. Am I comfortable sharing a ‘no’ with family, friends and colleagues – if not, why not…

III. If I were to create 3 boundaries that would enable me to live life more fully, they would be…

This month’s recommendation is: The Rich Roll Podcast.

In a world saturated with comforts, overstimulation, and perpetual convenience, a crisis has quietly emerged. It is the pervasive influence of what Michael Easter, author of one of my favourite reads from 2023, The Comfort Crisis, calls the ‘Scarcity Brain’ - also the title of his newest bestseller.

Michael reveals why our evolutionary origins in scarcity clash with our present-day reality of abundance. The conversation extends to Michael’s journey with sobriety, exploring the scarcity loop’s impact on addictiveness and delves into strategies for reducing addictive behaviours, and achieving balance with technology; also discussed is social media’s impact on the brain, and minimalism. It’s an informative and provoking listen:

This month’s book recommendation is: The Almanack of Naval Ravikant.

Naval Ravikant is an entrepreneur, philosopher, and investor who has captivated the world with his principles for building wealth and creating long-term happiness. The Almanack is a succinct presentation of Naval’s wisdom and experience from the last ten years and is shared as a curation of his most insightful interviews and poignant reflections. This isn’t a how-to book or a step-by-step gimmick. Instead, it offers insight into how to walk your own unique path toward a happier, wealthier life.

The Depleted Man is a shadow of who he could be - and he knows, he feels it, every day.

When you see a successful man, you’re seeing ONLY the results of his efforts. What you’re not seeing is what it’s taken for him, and FROM HIM, to get where he is.

Let me introduce you to the concept of the Depleted Man. It refers to a man who feels emotionally, physically, and mentally spent due to the pressures and responsibilities of being a leader, father, and husband. His depletion results from the relentless demands he places on himself to excel in his multiple roles, simultaneously.

As a leader, he faces the constant stress of decision-making, maintaining performance, and navigating workplace dynamics. Spread thinly, coupled with a reluctance to delegate and a cruel inner chatter, he erodes his sense of self and well-being.

As a father, the Depleted Man strives to be present and supportive by balancing work commitments with the desire to nurture and guide his children. This juggling act can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy, especially when time and energy are insufficient to meet parental needs. The emotional component of being a supportive partner adds another layer of complexity, as maintaining a healthy, loving relationship requires being present, patient and importantly, emotionally available.

The cumulative effect of these responsibilities can leave the Depleted Man feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from his work, loved ones and himself. Unless there’s a change of tact, there’s typically a gradual demise.

Fatigue will lead to burnout, and burnout will unquestionably diminish his performance affecting his health, relationships and overall life satisfaction.

Recognising and addressing depletion is crucial. If caught, in time, it’s moderately manageable. If not, and the internal depletion manifests externally, the process of recovery and rebuilding is significantly more nuanced; it involves setting boundaries, seeking support, re-investing in relationships, employing revised leadership styles and prioritising self-care to restore balance and effectiveness.

If you're feeling depleted, do something about it. If don't know what to do, and have tried and failed to re-ignite your enthusiasm for life - one DM to me could be all it takes to change your trajectory.

This month’s TED Talk is: What makes you, you?

Psychologists like to talk about our traits, or defined characteristics that make us who we are. But Professor Brian Little, in a highly engaging manner, shares why he’s more interested in moments when we transcend those traits - sometimes because our culture demands it of us, and sometimes because we demand it of ourselves (think adversity, like discussed earlier on in this month’s Bulletin). Join Prof. Little as he dissects the surprising differences between introverts and extroverts and explains why your personality may be more malleable than you think.

On this month’s walk, we shared not only a great route, the Dragons Back, in the Black Mountains but also great conversation. Our topic of discussion was:

What is a difficult conversation that you know you need to have but for whatever reason, haven’t?

Our route, at close to 10 miles and with over 2500ft of elevation gain was right at the end of our collective abilities; that said, despite the fatigue, the views were outstanding and conversation constant. We passed the ruins of Dinas Castle before venturing off-piste and heading toward Grwyne Fawr Reservoir. After a lunch stop and climbing Waun Fach our descent back to the carpark (and pub) was a welcome 3-mile relief.

Our next walk is on: Sun 15 Sep.

If you’re keen to lace up your boots and join us, register below.

If you want to walk our August’s route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images that capture our most recent meet: Click Here

Coming out of the summer feeling like you’re languishing or that middle-age malaise is setting in?

Do you find yourself questioning ‘it this it’, or fearing your best years are behind you? In less than 2 minutes, my Do I Need A Coach? diagnostic tool will help you identify the areas of life that are either helping you succeed or hindering your progress.

Upon completion, you’ll receive a PDF report detailing your unique score with specific recommendations designed to enable you to progress – both personally and professionally.

August 2024

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 08:30:00 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Reflecting on Mortality: The True Measure of a Man's Life

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Legacy .

A man's legacy, contrary to societal norms, isn't measured by the assets and inheritance he leaves behind for his children. Rather, it is defined by how well he prepares his children to navigate life, enabling them to live purposefully, and with a sense of liberty. There comes a pivotal moment in every man's life when he questions what he will be remembered for, and whether his existence mattered. If you haven't faced your moment yet, rest assured, it will come. It's not morbid, or glib, to reflect on our mortality; in fact, I’d say it’s essential as avoiding thoughts of our limited time lulls us into the illusion that we have an endless supply of days—we do not.

By acknowledging our finite existence, we are urged to live fully, and intentionally. Teaching our children to live a full life begins with embodying that lesson ourselves. It's through our actions, our courage to pursue our passions, and our dedication to living authentically that we impart the most valuable lessons.

The greatest legacy we can leave is not material wealth, but the wisdom and example of a life well-lived, one where we equip our children with the resilience and spirit to forge their own meaningful paths.

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme comes from my Amazon Bestselling book, Rethinking Masculinity.

The most common theme of direct messages, Amazon reviews and emails I receive from men who’ve read my book is that they wished they’d read it sooner. On one hand, I’m glad my message is out there, on the other, I sit with a heaviness knowing that for every man that reads my book, there’s a million more good men silently enduring, what likely feels like a successful but mediocre life.

If you’re middle-aged, feeling a sense of despondency, disappointment, frustration and or, self-doubt, know that you’re not alone. I firmly believe more men need to ask bigger questions; bigger questions of themselves, and what type of life they truly want to live. At the end of each chapter in ‘Rethinking’, I offer up a series of reflective questions. Their function is simple, they’re designed to provoke thought, thought which creates the potential for change. Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on selected prompts from the book.

I. If you were to honestly describe your current experience of life in only three words, what would those words be?

II. Personal sacrifice is common in middle-age. What things did you once enjoy doing that now, for whatever reason, you no longer do?

III. In the ‘low self-esteem’ section, I shared four commonalities that adversely impact self-esteem: imposter syndrome, inner critic, self-sabotage, and shame. Which one impacts you most and what tends to trigger it?

This month’s recommendation is High Performance.

Discover profound insights into the workings of the brain and how we can optimise its functions through this captivating conversation with neurosurgeon and neuroscientist Dr Rahul Jandial. This episode discusses the dynamic nature of the human brain and highlighting our ever-changing emotional and behavioural states. It explains how understanding brain pathways can help manage anxiety, stress, and emotions, drawing parallels to the challenges faced by astronauts and athletes. Drawing from his extensive experience with patients, Dr Rahul offers a unique perspective on resilience and high performance, urging us to see the brain as an evolving ecosystem capable of constant renewal.It really is a MUST listen; it includes practical strategies for parents and places importance on our need for collective action to create healthier norms around technology use.

This episode provides a fascinating look into the brain's workings and offers practical advice on achieving high performance through understanding our most powerful organ, and emotional regulation. To skip the adverts, head straight to 4 minutes and 5 seconds of the recording.

This month’s book recommendation is: Chasing Daylight.

At 53, Eugene O'Kelly was in the full swing of life. As Chairman and CEO of KPMG, he enjoyed a successful career and drew happiness from his wife, children, family, and close friends. Then in May 2005, he was diagnosed with late-stage brain cancer and given three to six months to live. Just like that, he would have to change his plans and capture what he could of his diminishing days. Chasing Daylight is the account of his final journey. With startling intimacy, it chronicles the dissolution of his life and his gradual awakening to a more profound understanding. It starts from the time of his diagnosis and concludes upon his death less than four months later, this book is his unforgettable story; it provides a testament to the power of the human spirit and offers a compelling message about how to live a more vivid, balanced, and meaningful life.

Have you noticed yet? We’re made to feel that whatever we have, isn’t enough.

Capitalism conditions us from a young age to believe more money, means more happiness.

We’ve become insatiable. What were once perceived as luxury items have become necessities.

A recent KMPG report signals that despite financial uncertainties, including higher inflation and interest rates, and a cost-of-living crisis, luxury brands are broadly unconcerned, and continue to defy market trends.

BMW, Mercedes and Audi have recently increased prices, significantly, 6-12%. Rolex typically increases its pricing by 5% annually, and according to the same report, between 2019 and 2023, women’s luxury handbags have seen price increases of up to 22%.

How do we buy and pay for all this stuff that algorithms and clever marketing tell us we need…? Through work, through disproportionately over-indexing our careers, or businesses, over everything else.

It’s sobering to consider, that the cost of our success, to be able to keep pace with our peers, or the Joneses, is paid for by those we love, those we tell ourselves we’re ‘doing it for’.

Too many men give their lives to work; too many build their identities around work. They overwork and underlive. They earn a living without the living.

If the cracks are appearing, if being constantly consumed by work, to afford the ‘trappings’ of success, is crippling your capacity to enjoy the life you’ve worked hard to build, or you can feel distance developing in your marriage, or as your children age, you’re becoming less relevant in their lives – before it’s too late, it’s time to sort this shit out!

Yours in becoming better.

This month’s TED Talk is: Embracing Your Weirdness.

Weirdness, as Chris Williamson, host of one my favourite podcasts, Modern Wisdom, argues, is our unique strength, one that we're obliged to embrace, and is the key to becoming more connected and successful, in life.

He advocates and articulates, powerfully, for us to stop hiding who we are. He states, that normal people seek safety, they get normal results and live bland lives. Compellingly, he reminds us that we are the narrator, illustrator and author of our own lives and that our uniqueness is a strength. This Ted, at only 15 minutes long is frankly, a must-watch.

July’s walk was another superb edition of Men & Mountains. 9.5 miles of glorious weather and great conversation, all in a quiet and remote area of the Brecon Beacons. We travelled through forestry blocks, alongside a reservoir, across streams, stopping an at idyllic lunch spot before a leisurely walk across the tops of Fan Fawr. Our topic of conversation was:

What, or who, do you feel you’re taking for granted…?

As is customary for our group, the discussions were honest, intimate and meaningful. Thinking of joining us, or haven’t been in a while, we’re simply a community of good men who walk so we can talk - there’s no cost or commitment. Our next walk dates for those who want to join us are:

18 Aug, 15 Sep, 20 Oct.

If you want to walk our July’s route, it can be Accessed Here

Additionally, here’s a collection of images that capture our most recent meet: Click Here

Feel like something is missing, or that life could be better?

In less than two minutes, get an accurate temperature check of your life. My carefully crafted diagnostic tools, below, will enable you to successfully identify the areas of your life that are helping or hindering you.

Upon completion, you’ll receive a personalised report containing recommendations designed to enable you to live better and achieve more. Act now, and assess your work-life balance, whether you need a coach or if you're heading toward a midlife crisis.

July 2024

Mon, 08 Jul 2024 10:30:00 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Systemising Success: Building Habits for Growth.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Purpose.

Society is wrong, it perpetuates the narrative that purpose is a static attribute, something we inherently possess or can attain like an object. This misconception leads to the belief that purpose is a fixed state of being rather than a dynamic practice.

In reality, purpose is not something we have but something we do; it’s a way of living that involves intentionality and continuous action and is marked by an enthusiasm that drives our decisions and behaviours.

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Systemising Success.

Relying on willpower alone to achieve success is problematic because willpower is a transient and finite resource. Over time, it can wane due to stress, fatigue, and various external pressures. Willpower limitation means that even the most determined individuals, if they’re heavily dependent on their inner resolve, can struggle to maintain consistent progress toward their goals.

Systemising success on the other hand, a process I talk more about in my book, Rethinking Masculinity, involves creating structured processes and habits that guide us toward our objectives. By implementing systems, we reduce our reliance on willpower. For example, setting a specific time for exercise, or dedicating a portion of the day to do ‘focused work’ helps to embed these activities into our routine, making them habitual, and less dependent on fluctuating motivation levels.

Complete the prompts below to deepen your understand of how systemising success could reward you:

I. Personally, and professionally, what’s the cost of your inconsistency…?

II. In what areas of life do you feel like you’re underperforming, and what would you have to systemise to bring your performance back to standard…?

III. If you devised a system to bring your life performance forward, think: diet, exercise, phone usage, investing more effort in your relationship, who could you invite to hold you to account…?

This month’s recommendation is Feel Better, Live More.

This episode, especially for the parents reading this is a MUST listen! It’s about the introduction of social media and smartphones into all aspects of our lives - and what impact this is having on us individually, collectively and, perhaps most urgently, what impact is this having on our children. Jonathan Haidt is arguably one of the worlds most eminent psychologists; in this episode, he explores how the differences between online and real-world interactions are affecting young people's social, emotional and cognitive development. He goes on to share eye-opening data about the link between a decline in teen mental health and the widespread adoption of smartphones and social media

It really is a MUST listen; it includes practical strategies for parents and places importance on our need for collective action to create healthier norms around technology use.

This month’s book recommendation is: Wooden on Leadership.

A fantastic, and pragmatic book that presents excellent leadership principles - from one of the greatest coaches of all time. Wooden's leadership philosophy is simple but profound. Whether you’re a leader in business, sports, or a father focused on raising healthy children, this book offers nuggets of leadership principles that can easily be applied. Wooden's methods aren’t complex or fancy; it’s a straightforward set of ideas based on Wooden’s cumulative experience, and lessons learned. What makes it a great read is the consistency of philosophy and character throughout the book; Wooden practised what he preached. Bottom line, it’s a great book!

This month’s content piece takes an important look at parenting from a father’s perspective; particularly at how little time we actually have with our children and how who we are informs their character development. Read the post here, or access it on LinkedIn, by clicking the link below:

Dads, you probably never think about this, but you should.

Around 90% of the time you’ll ever spend with your children will be between their birth and them turning 18.

Let that soak in, or wake you up?

If you become a dad, it must, must, must, at least, until you feel your child is ready to live life on their own terms, be your most important responsibility.

There are plenty of men, sadly most of them don’t realise they’re doing it, but they’re treating parenting like a box-ticking exercise.

Food, clothes, comfy bed, schooling, taxi service, homework, assemblies and sports days – tick!

It’s the wrong way to parent, and in our hearts, we feel it, and we know it.

I read something by John Abbott recently, he said, ‘We must be what we wish our children to be; they will form their characters from ours’.

They will form their character from ours…

My parenting approach and their character development are about exposing, gradually, my children to both the opportunities and risks, they will encounter in the world.

I find, personally, the best environments to achieve this are through nature, sport and adventurous pursuits.

This 16-second clip of Spencer controlling the speed of our toboggan exemplifies how I ‘dad’.

If you know you weren’t the dad your children deserve over half-term, you get another chance; the summer school holidays are just around the corner.

This month’s TED Talk is: The Museum of Four in the Morning.

You won’t, I suspect, be empowered, nor will you learn anything here, but the light-heartedness might make you smile, and wonder, and next time you wake at 4 am, think who else in the world is thinking about this exact same TED. Rives, a self-proclaimed authority on ‘nothing’ has a contagious obsession with 4 am. At a previous TED, the poet shared what was then his minor fixation with the time that kept popping up everywhere; since then he has, with a blend of curiosity and wit, gone on to create The Museum of Four in the Morning. It's a refreshing, less serious and more fun TED.

At Men & Mountains, we meet to walk, talk and connect - beyond the superficialities of day-to-day exchanges. This month’s discussion topic was twofold. Before lunch, using only three words, we discussed, individually, what we’re an example of. I heard words such as:

Curious, kind, loving, authentic, compassionate, heart-led, disciplined, grounded, deliberate, present and proud mentioned.

After lunch, we shared one word that represents a quality, or trait, that we want to work on, and that would make us better versions of ourselves. My word was consistent, but I also heard:

Disciplined, confident, courageous, honest, compassionate.

We’re all, all of us, work in progress. I truly believe that meaningful connection through quality, peer-to-peer conversation, is the cure to so many of the challenges men face.

If you want to walk our June’s route, it can be Accessed Here

I put this montage together; in under a minute, it captures the very best of who we are: Click Here

Our next walk is on: 21 Jul . Want to join us? It’s easy: register, get your boots on and get on a walk - there’s no cost, or commitment.

We’re now over halfway through the year; are you on course, living deliberately or do you feel more like you’re languishing and re-living the same weeks over and over?

With my consultation service, it’s a small investment, £300, that yields a significant return. In one 90-minute session, analyse your life, identify the root causes of your stressors, and craft a plan to get life back on track.

June 2024

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 17:00:59 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Overcoming the Sunken Cost Fallacy in Life Decisions.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Midlife Reinvention.

A midlife reinvention is a powerful and transformative process where men re-assess and realign their path, passions, and purpose. Whether a man is in his 30’s, 40’s or 50’s, this period is typically triggered by the pressure of time, when a man starts to get a sense of his mortality. It involves self-reflection; it’s where he holds the mirror up to past achievements, unfulfilled aspirations, and current levels of satisfaction, or dissatisfaction.

It's an opportunity to pivot towards roles, or activities, that align more closely with personal passions and emerging values; often those things that sit beyond money and material success. Don't fear stepping out of your comfort zone; sometimes, significant growth requires taking informed risks. Reinventing yourself in midlife isn't just about finding a new job or career; it's about going from strength to strength, rediscovering purpose, and passion, about bringing greater joy and connection into your life. If you’ve felt the intrinsic urge to live differently, but have avoided doing so, it’s never too late to pursue your calling. Bring your attention to reinvention by considering the quotes to the right:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Sunken Cost.

The sunken cost fallacy is a cognitive bias where people continue investing in a decision based on cumulative prior investments of time, effort and resources, rather than the current and future value of that decision. For men, this fallacy often manifests in their careers and businesses; someone might stay in a job they dislike or continue grinding out business success simply because they’ve already ‘sunk’ so much into it. This thinking is flawed, it traps men, lots of them, in unproductive, soul and sense-of-self eroding situations. The key to overcoming sunken cost fallacy is to evaluate decisions based on present and future benefits, not past investments. Acknowledge the past, but don’t live in it and definitely don’t let it dictate current decisions. By recognising, and avoiding this bias, you can make more rational, beneficial decisions that align with your long-term life goals. Complete the prompts below, without overthinking them, to assess how sunken cost fallacy might be showing up in your life:

I. Holding the mirror up, which relationships, no matter their significance, no longer serve you…?

II. Intuitively speaking, what is one thing that once worked for you that is now working against you…?

III. What is one commitment, that if you had the courage to do so, you would immediately benefit from discarding it…?

This month’s recommendation is The Warrior Academy.

In this episode, a man who walks his talk, and friend, Seb Bates, and I explore the concept of masculinity and its evolution in modern society. Reflecting on my own journey, we discuss the challenges I faced, the societal pressures imposed by ‘traditional’ masculinity, and the importance of redefining what it means to be a man in today's world.

Among many topics, we also delve into the impact of parenting on shaping our children's emotional intelligence, how we cultivate resilience and self-awareness in them and what it takes to bring forth individuality. Take a listen, follow, and connect with Seb, he’s a mission-driven man.

This month’s book recommendation is: The Danish Way of Parenting.

Since records began, Denmark has been at or near the top of the world's happiest countries. On the surface, with bleak, dark winters and a host of other adverse factors, it makes little sense. That is, until you look at their alternative approach to the helicopter, high-stress modern way of parenting that we all seem to have adopted. This upbeat and practical guide reveals the six essential principles that have been working for parents in Denmark for decades.

Digestible, informative and with quick-to-action exercises, it’s a great book for any dad, or caregiver, who wants to equip those they love or care for, with the skills to live a capable, confident and full life.

This month’s content piece shines a light on our morality and work-life addiction and does so with assistance from Orwell’s, Animal Farm. It should come with a trigger warning; it might, if needed, or applicable, break you out of work addiction. Read the post here, or access it on LinkedIn, by clicking the link below:

Men, what will it say on your gravestone? Here lies Lewis Smith: Completed his to-do list and died.

In Orwell’s Animal Farm, we’re introduced to Boxer, the horse. He’s faithful and strong. He’s committed his life to work. His answer to every setback and every problem is:

I WILL WORK HARDER!

He spends his best years enduring a punishing work routine until exhausted, broken and sent to the knacker's yard. He’s a tragic figure! Despite his best intentions, endless effort and belief that he can muscle through any challenge, setbacks seem only to strengthen his commitment to work longer, and harder.

There’s many a man out living life like Boxer. There’s many a man, potentially knowingly, or otherwise, addicted to work, like Boxer. The issue with being a workaholic is that eventually, despite its rewards, it diminishes the quality of one’s health and relationships.

According to the Harvard Business Review, the average CEO, or equivalent, works 62.5 hours per week; yet we all know many work much more than this. Many leaders, or those near the top, especially those conditioned by the patriarchy, get there through outworking, and out-grinding their peers; their winning formula tends to look like this:

Stress + Struggle + Sacrifice = Success

It’s a vicious circle. One that, once in ‘the chair’, is difficult to get break free from, thus the pattern continues, and continues, until there's some kind of intervention, think: health scare, burnout and, or divorce.

Progressing my point around workaholism is a study from Bergan University, Norway. The study looked at the decisions people made around work in an attempt to understand exactly what led people to become workaholics. The research team studied over 1,100 people and developed the Bergan Work Addiction Scale (BWAS) to assess attitudes toward work.

It consists of 7, yes or no questions; I invite you to give it a go:

1. Do you think about how you can free up more time to work?

2. Do you spend much more time working than initially intended?

3. Do you work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, and helplessness?

4. Have you been told by others to cut down on work but you don’t listen?

5. Do you become stressed if you are prohibited from working?

6. Do you de-prioritise hobbies, leisure activities or exercise because of work?

7. Have you worked so much that it has negatively impacted your health?

According to the study’s scale, if you said yes to 4 or more questions, you may be a Boxer/workaholic.

Holding the mirror up can be hard, especially when we don't like what we see, but it truly is a travesty that many men spend their lives, complicity, pursuing the wrong rewards.

This month’s TED Talk is: Anxiety. Why Men Don’t Get Itow to build (and rebuild) trust.

In this humble yet insightful TED Talk, Bob Scott, who sadly lost his battle with prostate cancer earlier this year, asks what is it about men that often stops them from talking about their fears and anxieties? For many men, despite an important step-change happening in our lifetime, there’s still an unhelpful hangover from past generations of masculinity that prevents them from sharing their concerns and experiences. Bob, as he shares through compassionate storytelling, had been on his own journey, a journey of deep understanding, and across 18 valuable minutes, he helps men glean insights into what anxiety is, why it's holding them back, and what they can do about it. Given Bob’s passing, and especially to prostate cancer, it makes this even more relevant.

Where in your life do you know you need to do better? How would you feel if another man, potentially a stranger, asked you that question? Would you recoil and shut down, or open up and own your truth?

Many men feel like their experiences are unique to them; subjectively they’d be right, but more broadly, we’re all having similar experiences. It’s a fallacy that men don’t talk. It really is.

Men & Mountains is more than a walking group; we’re a community of like-minded peers who walk so we can talk, chat and connect through conversation. We purposefully go beyond the superficialities of sport, politics and work and the question above was our topic of conversation on this month’s walk; with an unusually low turnout, our smallest in years, it was an intimate and deeply connecting experience. Our 9 miles, see route below, consisted of sun, fun (two tough climbs) and a dip. I think I speak for every man in attendance when I say I came home nourished, connected and tired!

I f you want to walk our April route, it can be Accessed Here

If you want to view photos from the walk, Click Here

Our next walks are on: 9 Jun and 21 Jul. If you’re interested in joining us, we’re a community of good-quality, like-minded men who meet to walk and talk - it’s that simple. All you need is reasonable fitness, boots, waterproof and some basic equipment.

Are you - underperforming, lacking purpose, feeling discontent, questioning ‘Is this it?’

May 2024

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 15:06:00 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Assertiveness: The Key to Self-Respect and Growth.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Intentionality

Intentionality embodies a deliberate approach to life, marked by conscious decisions, aligned with personal values and aspirations. It’s the antithesis of reacting to circumstance or defaulting to habitual patterns. It encompasses mindful awareness of one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviours and guides towards deliberate outcomes and meaningful experiences. By embracing intentionality, men can foster a sense of purpose and direction, empowering them to pursue their goals with clarity and focus: think greater self-leadership. Ultimately, intentionality equips men with the tools, and mindset, needed to live deliberately, navigate challenge, cultivate meaningful experiences, and lead purposeful, fulfilling lives. Consider, curiously, the quotes below…

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Assertiveness.

I work in a world where men want to experience life differently, or better. After the talking is done, action points established, the next barrier to change is often resistance to expressing one's (new) needs. The gateway from a life enmeshed in challenge and stress to a life rich in success and connection is through assertiveness. Assertiveness is a communication style characterised by the ability to express one's thoughts, feelings, and needs in a direct, honest, and respectful manner. It involves standing up for oneself, expressing opinions and desires, and setting appropriate boundaries without being either aggressive or passive. Without being assertive, little to nothing changes; it’s a key component in: self-respect, healthy relationships and conflict resolution. Complete the prompts below to assess your relationship with assertiveness…

I. A boundary I know I need to set, but haven’t is…

II. A conversation I’m resisting is… I’m resisting it because…

III. For the benefit of our relationship, a person I need to be more assertive with is…

This month’s recommendation is Modern Wisdom.

If you’re not already subscribed to Modern Wisdom, you’re missing out – IMO, it’s hands down better than DOAC. In this episode, George ‘TheTinMen’, a pro men’s advocate and writer shares rationally and statistically, why he believes the world doesn’t care about men. He puts forward, without malice or any semblance of misogyny, countless examples of exclusion, discrimination and double standards, and why there’s this flawed belief men are still the benefactors of a patriarchy they no longer feel a part of.

Expect to learn why men's mental health is in the ‘toilet’, why 80% of 18-24-year-old suicides are men and why 15% of men say they have zero close friends to call on in an emergency. Also discussed are thought-provoking topics around leaked dick pics, closed, toxic social media groups and whether men have reproductive rights. Note – skip the adverts, listen from 4:40.

This month’s book recommendation is: Essentialism.

Our world is moving faster and faster; we’re bombarded by endless information and rapidly multiplying demands on our time - and attention. Many men struggle to cope with their bottomless to-do lists and ever-expanding commitments. As a consequence, many feel scattered, spread thin or burned out. In ‘Essentialism’, author Greg McKeown provides an antidote by arguing that we should focus on the essentials. Thereby, we can concentrate our efforts on the things that truly matter and ignore the noise.

At less than 70 pages, this book is a must-read for anyone trying to navigate their way through life. Fundamentally, it’s about how to understand one's place in the world, how to cope when things don't go well, how to manage one's emotions and how to behave towards others.

This month’s content piece exposes the void between what success looks like and how it feels. When I posted it, a considerable number of men DM’d me stating ‘I feel like you’re talking about my life in your post’. If you can relate – you’re not alone. Read the post here or access it on LinkedIn by clicking the link below:

Mark has worked hard to build his business. He's achieved significant success, but it's come at a cost. His demanding role requires long hours and constant pressure to perform.

He often finds himself sacrificing time with his family and neglecting his well-being as he tirelessly firefights the most recent business challenge.

Years of neglecting his health in favour of his career have caught up with Mark. He's unfit, out of shape, lacks energy and often struggles with sleep.

Despite being surrounded by colleagues and employees; Mark often feels secretly isolated and disconnected.

His busy schedule leaves little time for socialising or nurturing meaningful relationships. He’s always making excuses for things he said he’d do but didn’t.

Mark is constantly under pressure: whether it be leading his people, growing the business, or managing his responsibilities as a father and husband. Despite his best efforts, he often feels like he’s failing.

The stress of his job and the busyness of his life started to take its toll long ago – but only now is Mark feeling the side effects of his success.

If you’re a Mark, it’s time you reached out. I’m a coach, confidant, mentor, sounding board and critical friend to men serious about succeeding – personally and professionally. I provide a discreet, peer-proven service for men who are ready to stop pretending they enjoy the life they’ve worked hard to build.

Message me, today, and let’s explore how different, or better, in a few short months, your life could be…

This month’s TED Talk is: How to build (and rebuild) trust.

Trust is the foundation for everything we do. But, regardless of context, what do we do when it's broken? In a compassionate and illuminating talk, Harvard Business School professor, Frances Frei, gives a crash course in trust: how to build it, maintain it and rebuild it - something she has practical experience of from her time at Uber. Through what she describes as the three tenants of trust: authenticity, logic and empathy, Frie says, ‘if we can learn to trust one another more, we can have unprecedented human progress’. Given the polarity and conflict of the world right now, it seems focusing on and fostering trust, at home, in our communities, and in the workplace, could offer us redemption.

Superb weather, route, and conditions, combined with quality conversation and connection made April’s Men & Mountains an outstanding experience. 32 men with around 20% being ‘first timers’ travelled from across the country, literally, to walk, talk and connect in the Brecon Beacons. We enjoyed blue skies and fresh winds as we navigated a great 8.5 miler. Our topic of conversation brought forth courage and vulnerability, in equal measure; it was: What is hindering your happiness?

Whilst there’s no cost to join our walks, the generosity of our community supports regional charities. This year, we're supporting the fantastic, and vitally important, Wales Air Ambulance (WAA). Our fundraising target, whilst modest is £3k. I’m pleased to report we’re already over £1800. WAA are soon to unveil a new and exciting awareness campaign that will put M&M’s, literally on the map.

If you want to walk our April route, it can be Accessed Here

If you want to view photos from the walk, Click Here

Our next walks are on: 12 May, 9 Jun and 21 Jul. If you’re interested in joining us, we’re a community of good-quality, like-minded men who meet to walk and talk - it’s that simple. All you need is reasonable fitness, boots, waterproof and some basic equipment.

My new website is live. It’s clear, compelling, and designed for middle-aged men facing the side effects of professional success.

It's a conduit to living better; it lists my services (more about that below) and showcases useful resources: blog posts, self-assessment tools and podcast episodes I’ve guested on. Head over, take a look.

I’m offering a new service; it’s called Intervention Coaching . It’s designed to enable men to take back control of their lives, in the shortest possible time, and to live with clarity, deliberateness, energy and connection.

To view our Intervention Coaching Page Click Here

April 2024

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 08:02:34 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Workaholism: Understanding Its Impact on Well-being.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Success

Success is hugely subjective but a frequent problem I see in my client-facing work is that often clients, or prospective clients, haven’t truly considered, or can’t explain with a degree of conviction, their definition of success. We can all see the issue here; if we aren’t clear what we’re aiming at, it’s unlikely will hit it. Interestingly, research suggests there’s a high degree of correlation between success and happiness; and the average man isn’t happy. In fact, on average, men rate their happiness at just 6.3 out of 10. I once heard, ‘You’ll never appreciate your success until you’re happy’

As men, we must stop leaving success to chance; we must be prepared to define what success means to us and align our actions to progress toward it. Equally important, we must be prepared to revise our definition, especially if our ‘life’ circumstances change. Bring your attention to success by considering the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Workaholism.

Society, partly fuelled by men of previous generations has created an environment where men tend to attach, consciously or otherwise, their identity to what they do, or work as. What might have started as an enthusiasm to progress professionally can end up with a man developing an obsessive attitude toward work. A recent UK-based survey commissioned by SPANA found that 57% of respondents checked their emails during the weekend, that 40% feel they cannot switch off after work and that 20% checked their emails whilst in bed. The term workaholic came into existence in 1971 in the book ‘The Confessions of a Workaholic’ since then, not only has a compulsion to work fuelled significant success, but it has also been at the centre of divorces, children raised with absent fathers and serious stress-related health concerns. Complete the prompts below to assess your relationship with work:

I. Gut feeling, do I work or think about work too much

II. How would your loved ones describe your attitude toward work…

III. If your career or business was taken from you, who would you be without it…

This month’s recommendation is Modern Wisdom.

Guest, Dr Robert Glover, is a therapist and author; and men need to hear his message. He’s best known for his controversial but significantly important book, No More Mr Nice Guy. Being nice is something many of us aspire to become. After all, who doesn't want to be nice? Well, ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’, the phrase coined by Dr Glover has been ruining the lives of many men for decades so perhaps we could aspire to be something else, something better.

If you’re prepared to listen, it truly is an enlightening episode.

Instead of an episode, this feels more like two peers having a great conversation; expect to learn what is wrong with being a nice guy, why men become so afraid of putting their needs first, how to stop people pleasing, why nice guys end up resentful and bitter, whether nice guys attract or repel women and much more... Jump to 4:40 to skip the adverts – if you wish.

This month’s book recommendation is: Lessons in Stoicism.

Despite a collective misunderstanding of what capital ‘S’ Stoicism is, and how it differs from lower case ‘s’ stoicism, in the past few years, Stoicism has been making a comeback. In Lessons in Stoicism, philosopher John Sellars weaves together the key ideas of the three great Roman Stoics: Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. With snapshots of their fascinating lives, he demonstrates how their ideas can help us navigate the complexities of our minds, and increasingly VUCA modern world.

This month’s content piece is around men being unable, or, in some cases, unwilling to understand and express how they feel. You can read the post here and access it on LinkedIn by clicking the link below.

Alexithymia is a masculine affliction; it’s the inability to recognise and express one’s own emotions and feelings.

For most men, this will be the root cause of what’s wrong in their lives; the genesis of those repetitive life patterns they experience, over and over.

You see, if you can’t understand your feelings, or why you feel the way you do, you simply can’t understand yourself. When this happens, and despite the generalisation, men tend to withdraw. They tend to stonewall their emotions, to shut down their feelings.

Numb to the angst, the stress, the frustration, the discontent, the inner conflict of ‘why aren’t I enjoying my life more?’, or ‘is this it for the rest of my life?’ questions come, uncomfortably, to the front of their minds.

Numbing feels like an answer, a useful strategy, but in truth, it’s not, the suppression is maladaptive. The withdrawal numbing causes relational disconnect, mostly personal, from loved ones, family and friends, and fosters an apathetic state of meaningless.

I once heard the phrase: what a tragedy it is to live a tolerable life… It’s true and common; too many men tolerate their seemingly successful lives.

Often downstream of alexithymia and subsequent numbing comes some form of adverse intervention: a divorce or relationship breakdown, a business failure or significant career challenge, perhaps a health scare – you’d be surprised how many chronically stressed men experience panic attacks that they never share or discuss with others.

Anyway. Regardless of the particulars, the adversity of experience is what usually jolts a man into awareness of his state and my message is this:

To those men out there suffering from alexithymia or who experience numbness... To feel, to have feelings isn’t a weakness, nor is it emasculating, it’s very much part of the human experience. Don’t fall on your word, stoically soldiering on, be proactive in learning, or re-learning, how to connect to your feelings and self.

This month’s TED Talk is: How to be Happy Every Day.

The World Happiness Report states over 1 billion adults suffer from anxiety and depression! In this storytelling Ted, Jacqueline Way, Founder of 365Give shares a simple secret to happiness - giving. Researchers from all over the world have been studying the science and physiology of giving for decades. They’ve discovered giving makes us happy and reduces our stress; the name they give for this state of happiness is ‘the helpers high’. Her inspirational journey with her son and thousands of children will warm and inspire you to start a daily giving habit that will bring higher levels of happiness - and could make the world a better place.

No two M&M’s are ever the same! Route, attendees, weather, and topic of conversation all influence the overall experience. This time, in March, the differentiator was a river crossing. Recent heavy rainfall had turned what is typically a stream into a fast-moving, thigh-high body of water. Crossing it safely provided us with a unique opportunity to literally lean on each other.

I often talk about the connection, camaraderie, cheerfulness in adverse, the sense of connection and belonging that M&M’s creates and this month’s walk was a true embodiment of this – as you can see in the image below; this is what our support of one another looks like.

After the crossing, inclement weather and a fairly challenging 8-mile route, every man left our walk feeling tired but alive! Nature and connection, not just for me, or the men of M&M’s, truly are a tonic to the challenges of our modern lives.

Aside from my usual invitation to join us, click the link to do so, I want to share the progress of our charitable support for Wales Air Ambulance; already this year, we’ve raised over £1700! Kudos to our members and supporters.

Future dates; we’re out next on: 14 Apr, 12 May and 9 Jun.

I’m not here with a message of hope, I’m here with a message of change.

Masculinity is at a crossroads and our actions, the men of today, will determine whether masculinity progresses, or continues to struggle.

If you find my content useful or views thought-provoking, and we’re not yet connected on LinkedIn, my only active social media account, click below to access my profile and send me a connection request.

March 2024

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 10:04:16 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin, the first of the New Year saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all thing’s men, mindset and success.

Effective Time Management for a Fulfilling Life.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Time.

Many of us have conditioned ourselves to live life at a frantic pace. We spend, kill and waste time all whilst trying to manage self-generated pressures of achieving more and doing better… Contrary to the popular statement, time isn’t money, time is life, and it’s a finite resource. Consider this statement, ‘how we spend our days is how we spend our decades’! Many middle-aged men live the same day over and over, silently enduring, perhaps languishing through the second half of their lives. The time we have between ages 30 and 50 ultimately determines whether our life is worth living, or not. Managing and investing our time, wisely, is key to living a life we enjoy.

Take a moment to consider the quotes.

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Mindset.

Your mindset is a complex set of beliefs; it’s shaped through conditioning, schooling, parenting, workplace cultures, social media, masculinity and is heavily influenced by past experience and thought. Ultimately, mindset shapes the way you think and feel about yourself; it predetermines how you interpret every facet of your lived experience. Thanks to the work of Dr Carol Dweck, a world-renowned psychologist, we generalise mindset into two types, growth and fixed. Typically, men with growth mindsets have higher levels of self-esteem and confidence, they’re more open to new experiences and to living beyond their comfort zones. Conversely, fixed mindset men believe their abilities are fixed; they seek safety in their lives. They are often anxious, people pleasers who place a high value on fitting in and who consciously, or otherwise, tend to stay in their lane. Complete the prompts below to consider how your mindset is creating your experience of life:

I. My thoughts make me feel…

II. My mindset hinders and helps me in the following ways…

III. To achieve my goals, the thoughts I’d need to focus on more would be…

This month’s recommendation is The Psychology Podcast.

This isn’t a bells and whistle podcast, there’s nothing flashy about it, instead, it’s an empowering insight into the workings of our mind. Dr Richard Schwartz, author of the recommended read, No Bad Parts, reveals that we are born with an 'internal family' of distinct parts. He goes on to share insights into what he calls the Internal Family Systems model, and how, by using the model, we can challenge the destructive forces of our ego and inner critic to live more harmoniously.

If you’re prepared to listen, it truly is an enlightening episode.

This month’s book recommendation is: Billy No-Mates.

When author, Max Dickins, decided to propose to his girlfriend, he realised there was no one he could call on to be his best man. He quickly learned he wasn't the only man struggling with friendships. For decades, countless studies from across the world have confirmed that men have fewer close friends than women - and the problem gets worse the older men get. Max investigates what goes wrong and what we can do about it… It’s a witty and entertaining read, one that brings a light-heartedness to a serious social issue.

Join Max as he takes a defibrillator to his social life and discovers that if he wants a Best Man, then he needs to be a better man.

This month’s content piece is around relationship failure; specifically, lifestyle factors that contribute to loveless relationships. You can read the post here and access it on LinkedIn by clicking the link below.

The average age of divorcing men is 46. Here are five common and avoidable things that ruin relationships and contribute toward separation.

1. Phones in bed.

2. Binge-watching boxsets.

3. Choosing porn over physical intimacy.

4. A lack of spoken appreciation for each other’s family roles.

5. Living life like passing ships ferrying children to endless weeknight and weekend clubs.

How many do you identify with?

Marriages don’t fail overnight, equally, they won’t succeed without constant attention. If you’re not mentally, emotionally, or physically connected, If what I’ve shared above describes your relational experience, perhaps it’s time to reassess how you’re showing up…?

This month’s TED Talk is: A Reframing of Masculinity, Rooted in Empathy.

Starting with graphic experiences, Gary Barker, a gender equality advocate, urges us to turn away from voices perpetuating harmful masculine stereotypes. In his provoking address, he discusses gender conditioning and shares three insights on fostering a culture of care, compassion and connection among men. He’s an advocate for men demonstrating our capacity to care, and to be empathic and calls for society to avoid cutting men off through what he calls, ‘calling men in’.

February’s Men & Mountains was special; it saw the culmination of months of arduous physical training, kit purchases and preparations as a team of 16 men departed the UK for an ascent of Mount Toubkal, Morocco.

At 4167m ‘Toubkal’ is a beast, especially in the winter, think ice axes and crampons. Starting from the sleepy mountain village of Imlil, the team endured a challenging hike into the High Atlas Mountains to reach the ‘refuge’. The refuge became their base as they acclimatised to altitude and learned the winter mountaineering skills needed to summit successfully.

The team demonstrated superb camaraderie and commitment, they overcame the effects of attitude and earned the right to stand on the highest peak in North Africa. It truly was a life-enriching experience.

To view photos from the Toubkal expedition, Click Here - All photography courtesy of The Content Creators.

A recent review on Amazon

Haven’t yet read my highly acclaimed bestseller, or want a copy to gift to a friend, get it FREE today (only pay for postage - £3), by following the link below.

February 2024

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 09:36:29 GMT

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin, the first of the New Year saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all thing’s men, mindset and success.

Embracing Reality, Confronts Life’s True Challenges.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Cause and Effect.

At my core, I believe everything that happens comes about because of a cause and effect relationship; one thing makes another thing happen. A cause is a catalyst, an action that creates or instigates a chain of events that result in an effect, something you experience. Too many men live lives of reactivity; experience life as it happens to them. I propose a much more assertive approach; one where we become the cause of the effect we wish to experience. Imagine a life free from day-to-day trivialities, one where you truly take the lead in terms of your health, relationships, career or business success

Take a moment to consider the quotes.

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Embracing Reality.

To live a fulfilling life, it’s essential you embrace your reality with a high degree of objectivity. Then, with conscious thought, and spades of courage, it’s equally essential you choose to deal with whatever you’re experiencing well. Sidenote, a symptom of middle-aged mediocrity, a common trap that many men fall into, is wishing life were different; don’t allow yourself to find false solace in this sorry state. Instead, be a man of strength and deliberateness, embrace your reality, accept, own and navigate whatever you’re experiencing. Embracing reality is a skill, the more you practice it, the more proficient you will become and leverage its power, and ultimately the better your experience of life will be. Embrace your reality by completing the prompts below:

I. What tough conversations am I avoiding…

II. A situation or problem that keeps reoccurring in my life is… and it keeps reoccurring because…

III. If I were to wake up tomorrow and my life is significantly better, the things that would have changed would be…

This month’s BetterMen video is: Are You Half the Man You Used to Be?

With a nod to Einstein’s definition of i nsanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, I present to you the flawed strategy that is hope. Hoping something changes is passive, it renounces responsibility, it’s a near-certain segue to a situation of challenge worsening, and yet, it’s a common theme I see from men who have lost their sense of purpose or whose lives lack meaning. Ignoring a lack of purpose or avoiding a challenging life issue isn’t a solution, it's avoidance, it nearly always erodes one’s sense of self and results in a state of compounded inertia. Don’t be or become half the man you used to be.

This month’s recommendation is Inside the Mind of Champions.

Former international cricketer, Jeremy Snape, a great guy and LinkedIn connection, brings us a fascinating podcast series where he interviews and opens up elite performers. In this episode, deep-thinking and articulate, 2003 Rugby World Cup winner, Jonny Wilkinson, reflects on his rugby career. Together, Jeremy and Jonny unpack the beliefs and behaviours that drove his intense perfectionism and attention to detail.

It’s a captivating listen; Jonny explains the role his mindset played throughout his career and how having a more flexible identity and living in the moment can help us to have more energy, fun and success. Take a listen, and let me know what you think.

This month’s book recommendation is: Chop Wood Carry Water.

At around 120 pages, this book is a hugely accessible read. It centres around ‘John’ and his life ambition to become a Samurai warrior. Guided by Akira, his sensei, John comes to learn the greatest challenge on his journey to becoming a samurai will be overcoming and defeating the man he sees in the mirror.

A powerful fable that teaches readers valuable lessons; most notably how to ‘fall in love with the process of becoming great’.

This month’s content piece is around how we must, sooner or later, relinquish our desire to fit in and conform and instead, take life on. You can read the post here and access it on LinkedIn by clicking the link below.

Unless we’re hyper-aware, the world will tell us who we are and how we should live our lives. At best, this is a paradox, at worst, it’s a tragedy, as almost everyone doing the telling doesn’t know who they are themselves.

Our need to fit in and conform is deep-rooted, as is our compulsion to compare.

Unconsciously we view the world through a distorted lens, caring more about the opinions and expectations of others than our own.

We forget life’s destination is death. The result, we squander our finite time, surviving not thriving, spending what we earn, collecting societal success symbols, trying and failing, repeatedly, to buy ‘fleeting’ happiness, all whilst struggling to reconcile dad guilt or get to inbox zero.

Have you noticed, as we age, our years quickly become our decades, we run the very real risk of reliving the same week, month, year, over and over, all whilst the sand-timer of our finite existence empties?

Sooner or later, we have to take life on. To do so, and get unstuck, we have to risk feeling worse before better.

We must accept the discomfort, the inconvenience of our reality and move beyond our conditioning, biases, rationalisations and denials.

We have to take back control of our own lives. Whatever health, happiness and wholeness mean to us, to achieve it, we have to align our outer actions with our inner thoughts. Counterintuitively, we must give up the safety and security of fitting in; our conformist herd mentality and stop sleep walking through life.

It’s precisely as Roosevelt said: ‘We must all either wear out or rust out, every one of us.'

My choice is to wear out.

This month’s TED Talk isn’t a TED! Instead, it’s a powerful and thought-provoking video by Richard Reeves on Male Inequality.

Reeves states that boys and men are falling behind. This might seem surprising to some people, and maybe ridiculous to others, considering that discussions on gender disparities tend to focus on the challenges faced by girls and women, not boys and men. But long-term data reveals a clear and alarming trend; here Reeves argues that the structural problems contributing to male malaise affect everybody and that shying away from these tough conversations is not a productive path forward.

A record-breaking 51 men joined our first M&M’s walk of the year! As we assembled, laced our boots and donned our packs, there was a mix of: excitement, energy, unity, a sense of adventure combined with warmth, smiles and strength - everything that represents the best of M&M’s.

Our walk, in epic scenery and great conditions, was an 8-miler. Our topic of conversation, there’s one on every walk, was inspired by a Socrates quote, ‘Waste no time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.' Hearing, sharing and debating the qualities of a good man was a great segue into the new year.

January’s walk was also significant as it signalled the official start of our charitable partnership for 2024. As a community, we’re proud to be raising money for and championing awareness for another vitally important regional charity, this time, Wales Air Ambulance Charity • Elusen Ambiwlans Awyr Cymru - and at £430, we’re off to a fantastic start! If you’re able to support our charitable initiative, the best way to do so is via our JustGiving page; link below:

Support Us: https://justgiving.com/team/menandmountains2024

If you want to walk our January route, it can be Accessed Here

If you want to view photos from the walk, Click Here

Middle age malaise?

Do you find yourself questioning ‘it this it’, or fearing your best years are behind you?

In less than 2 minutes, my Do I Need A Coach? diagnostic tool will help you identify the areas of life that are either helping you succeed or hindering your progress.

Upon completion, you’ll re ceive a PDF report detailing your unique score with specific recommendations designed to enable you to progress – both personally and professionally.

December 2023

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:21:40 GMT

Rediscovering Nature: The Healing Power of the Outdoors

Find Solace and Strength in the Natural World.

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Nature .

Last week, I shared on LinkedIn that it was ‘National Get Outside Day. The day, founded by the Ordnance Survey, invited me to consider the role of nature and the outdoors in my life; I hope this passage and the quotes below encourage you to do the same.

For me, the outdoors isn’t just a key component of my well-being, they’re a fundamental part of who I am and how I show up, it's what brings me my greatest sources of connection and joy. I invite all my clients to prioritise more time for outdoor activities, be they solo or with family or friends; I’m yet to meet anyone who regrets spending time outdoors. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme comes with a trigger warning; it’s: A lack of time. I don’t have time has to be the biggest and most common lie we tell ourselves. We’re all guilty of saying we don’t have time but when we face the discomfort of the facts, it’s not ‘times’ fault we don’t exercise, spend more quality time with our loved ones or read more books etc, is it?

Our time here is finite, and in a world where everything demands our attention, time is our most valuable commodity. Next time you hear yourself saying or claiming you don’t have time, pause, take a breath and question why you’re saying you don’t have time – in doing so, recognise in advance, the cost of the choices and decisions you are making. Consider the prompts below:

What regrets do I not want to live with…

Going forwards, if I only made choices I'm proud of, I would...

If I treated time as an asset, I’d stop doing the 3 following things…

It gives me real pride to share this month’s podcast recommendation; two personal friends, two men I value and respect. This month’s recommendation is Crack On . It’s a two-part-er, featuring Ex Welsh Rugby International, Rhys Thomas. From growing up in South Africa, coming through the youth ranks in Wales and building a career, playing the sport he loved and how it all changed in an instant. A massive heart attack ended his playing career and put him on a journey of self-destruction, followed closely by a journey of self-discovery and significant personal growth. This is a candid, inspirational and impactful listen - all at the same time.

Crack On Podcast Part One.

Crack On Podcast Part Two.

As it’s a year since publication, this month’s book recommendation is my own, Rethinking Masculinity. Writing the book cemented my thoughts around the challenges we face as men and fuelled my vision to break through the flawed thinking that professional success equals personal happiness.

I firmly believe that we, the men of today, can, through example, lead the changes to rethink and redefine the standards of successful masculinity.

In short, Rethinking Masculinity is for any man who has experienced a setback and finds himself stagnant or in a constant state of work-life conflict. It’s a guide for any man who is questioning ‘Is this it?’ or fears his best years are behind him. You can get Rethinking Masculinity directly from me for just the postage, £3, or via Amazon at market rate:

This month’s TED Talk is: Great leadership starts with self-leadership.

For those familiar with my thinking, you’ll know I’m an advocate of self-leadership. In this month’s TED recommendation, Lars Sudmann, a leadership advisor and award-winning lecturer invites us to consider the tenets of leading oneself. After the ‘cheesy’ intro music, almost everything shared is valuable, think: Self Awareness, Self-Reflection and Self-Regulation.

For those that haven’t yet experienced it, and despite my obvious bias, I’m fairly sure, you’re missing out.

Each month, we meet, walk, talk, connect, support and overcome the challenges of the weather and route – together. We’re a community of good quality, like-minded but diverse, men. There’s no cost of commitment to join us; you need little more than average fitness and a set of boots to join us.

Our Sep walk: Access here.

Follow the link to register: Join Men and Mountains

Get an instant temperature check on your life and its trajectory.

BetterMen's 'How to Avoid a Midlife Crisis' scorecard will benchmark how you’re living your life against the 6 BetterMen values to assess the likelihood of you experiencing a midlife crisis.

In less than two minutes, you will raise your awareness and be able to pinpoint the areas of your life that are either helping you or hindering you.

Once complete, you’ll receive an email report containing specific recommendations designed to enable you to not only avoid the pitfalls of middle age but also go on to live a truly purpose-driven and fulfilling life.

January 2024

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:21:35 GMT

Navigating the Midlife Crisis: Reclaim Your Life

Transform Challenges into New Opportunities.

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Don’t just read the quotes.

Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Midlife Crisis.

Midlife crises are often made fun of and mocked: think sportscars, golf, motorbikes, and barbed talk of older men running off with younger women. Societally, it’s become a ‘bit of a joke’, but midlife crises can be catastrophic beneath the thin veneer of veiled humour.

The age men experience a midlife crisis stage can vary, but typically it occurs between 35 and 50. A time when the pressures of life, personal responsibilities and professional pressures, are very real. Like there’s no such thing as an overnight success, there’s equally no such thing as an overnight failure. A midlife crisis has three stages: A Trigger, think lack of purpose, or connection, the Crisis period, a shift in values, a deep sense of uncertainty and finally, a Resolution, a shift toward new possibilities, viewing life through a new lens. Midlife crises needn’t be crisis-full, if acknowledged, accepted and actioned, they can be a catalyst for living a fuller, more meaningful life.

Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is Surviving Life.

Life wisdom from the world of sport, specifically, boxing. I respect anyone who dares to lace up their gloves and enter the ring. My intent isn’t to ‘point out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.’ Instead, it’s to make a provoking observation between Ringcraft and how some men approach living their lives.

A few weeks back, there was a significant fight between the current King of boxing and a young lion; yes, I’m talking about Canelo v Charlo. It went the distance, but even before the final bell sounded, the winner, was obvious. Immediately post-fight, Canelo was heard on camera talking with his cornermen, his team. He said something that grasped my fullest attention and triggered a moment of meaningful insight. He said: ‘he dedicated himself to surviving.’

How many men, even a few who read this bulletin, or follow my content, have consciously, or otherwise, dedicated their lives to surviving? Know that if you’re in a purposeless career, a loveless marriage or have a general apathy toward life, the first step back from living a life of regret is recognising where you are; I hope these prompts help bring you into awareness:

1. If I’m honest, the areas of my life that don’t bring me joy are…

2. The cost of my complacency is showing up in the following areas of my life…

3. If I were to wake up tomorrow, and my life is immeasurably different, the main thing that would have changed would be…

This month’s recommendation is Modern Wisdom . Featuring Dr Gad Saad, an Evolutionary Psychologist discusses how, in today’s fast-paced world, happiness and contentment often seem elusive. By taking an evolutionary lens on happiness, we can gain deeper and frankly shocking insight into why we are the way we are and decode the contributing elements to living a good life.

Expect to learn where happiness comes from, why evolution cursed humans with the ability to feel existential discontent, what people get wrong about defining and understanding happiness, what role genetics plays, how to pick the right partner, why more sex equal doesn’t equal more happiness, how you can become more anti-fragile.

In 2016, my darkest hour, this book gave me hope. Reading it again, now, reminds me of its significance. This month’s recommendation is: Untethered Soul.

In The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer explores the question of who we are and concludes that our identity is to be found in our consciousness. By tapping into traditions of meditation and mindfulness, Singer shows how the development of consciousness can enable us all to live in the present moment and let go of painful thoughts and memories that keep us from achieving happiness and self-realisation. In part one, he examines the notion of self and the inner dialogue we all live with.

Part two examines the experience of energy as it flows through us. Ways to overcome tendencies to close down is the leading subject of part three. Enlightenment, the embracing consciousness, is the subject of part four. And finally, in part five, Singer returns to daily life and the pursuit of unconditional happiness.

This month’s TED Talk is: How to make stress your friend.

Can changing how we think about stress help us live longer – spoiler alert – yes it can. Stress is a side effect of societal success. It’s an everyday occurrence, it makes our hearts race, our breathing quicken, and it puts us into a state of fight or flight – perhaps freeze. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe it to be. In this fascinating and paradigm-shifting TED, health psychologist, Kelly McGonigal, urges us to see life stress as a positive, and through data analysis, explains how our perception of stress impacts our wellbeing. It’s thoroughly worth the investment of 15 minutes.

Each month, we meet, walk, talk, connect, support and overcome the challenges of the weather and route – together. We’re a community of excellent quality, like-minded, but diverse, men. There’s no cost of commitment to join us; you need little more than average fitness and a set of boots to join us.

Follow the link to register: Join Men and Mountains

Our Oct walk: Access here.

Follow the link to register: Join Men and Mountains

November 2023

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:21:32 GMT

The Value of Adversity: Strength Through Struggle

Transform Life’s Challenges into Personal Triumphs.

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: The Value of Adversity.

In the eye of a storm, it can be difficult to imagine an unwelcome experience will eventually result in some form of growth – and yet, it so often does. Most know the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but far fewer are familiar with the term Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG is a resulting positive change in the wake of an adverse experience. Examples include renewed appreciation for life, enhanced personal strength, better-connected relationships, and recognising new life paths – even spiritual growth.

Life is far from easy, for all of us, but in adversity, there can be profound value. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is: Boundaries.

Simply put, boundaries are limits we set to protect ourselves, mentally, emotionally and physically. Societally, we live in a world where we’re exposed to constant demands, both personally and professionally. Without clearly defined and upheld boundaries guarding our time, space, energy and self-esteem, feelings of overwhelm and work-life conflict are almost inevitable.

I often state there are two types of people in this world, those letting life happen and those making life happen – men living with boundaries are most definitely the latter. Consider the prompts below:

Do I protect my time, space and energy well enough to live life on my own terms…

Am I comfortable sharing a ‘no’ with family, friends and colleagues – if not, why not…

If I were to create 3 boundaries that would enable me to live life more fully, they would be…

This month’s podcast recommendation is: High Performance.

There’s nothing sexy about this podcast episode, instead, it’s a compelling and informative listen featuring Steve Hare, CEO of Sage Group PLC. Steve shares insights from three decades of corporate experience, warts and all. This episode is a deep dive into what it really takes to be a CEO and high-level leader and includes how to face the challenges of leadership, how to cultivate a culture of trust and the key advice he would give entrepreneurs.

This month’s recommendation is: Jimmy Carr: Before & Laughter.

This book is a unique combination of personal memoir and self-help manual and is written in a similar style to his comedy - punchy and to the point. In it, Jimmy Carr describes how he came to leave a well-paid job as a marketing executive at an oil company to become a standup comedian. His main mantra is to prioritise the future. Essentially, this book is about deciding where you want to be and advises you on how to get there – with a healthy dose of humour along the way.

This month’s TED Talk is: No Sex Marriage.

Sexperts define a sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times per year. In this thought-provoking talk, Maureen McGrath, author of Sex & Health shines a light on love, marriage, sex and intimacy and questions why so many marriages end in divorce. Instead of asking, have we lost lust in relationships, she shares how we can get back.

Given the summer we’ve all experienced, perhaps it isn’t surprising to hear our August walk was a blend of all four seasons - in one day!

16 men, including 3 new members completed a beautiful, circular, 8-miler starting and finishing at Talybont Reservoir. With a stiff climb to start, we were soon on the tops where mother nature treated us to some heavy showers and blustery winds. That said, we’re never deterred by the weather and as usual, rich conversation flowed.

If you’re reading this but aren’t yet a member, please know you don’t have to physically join our walks to be a part of our community. We use a simple but effective app called Circle, it provides dedicated communication spaces for everything from general chat to walk information, to networking opportunities and areas of other interest: motorbikes, golf, surfing and cycling.

Follow the link to register: Join Men and Mountains

If any of the themes above resonate and you haven’t yet read my Amazon bestseller and UK Business Book Awards 2023 recognised book, Rethinking Masculinity, you can get it direct to your door from me for just £3 postage.

Here’s what Christian O’Connell, multi-award-winning radio show host had to say about Rethinking Masculinity:

‘It’s essential reading for men wanting to live with greater purpose.’

Ryan Jones, former British & Irish Lion said:

‘The most important book that all middle-aged men absolutely must read.’

Click the link to get your copy now: Get your FREE copy now.

October 2023

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 16:21:31 GMT

The Power of Self-Reflection: Unlock Your Potential

A Journey Inward to Understand and Evolve.

Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.

Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.

This month’s quote theme is: Self-Reflection.

Soft skills are what makes us human: awareness, empathy, adaptability, emotional intelligence, compassion and at the centre of these is self-reflection. Despite research suggesting the habit of self-reflection is a key performance driver, very few men sit with themselves and take an honest moment to think about what worked, what didn’t, what can be done, and what can’t. Self-reflection requires courage; it’s thoughtful and deliberate and to be at the top of your game, personally and professionally you must self-reflect. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:

Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.

This month’s prompt theme is: Listening.

Listening is one of the most important skills we can have. How well we listen has a major impact on everything, from the quality of our relationships right through to our professional effectiveness. Chances are you think you’re a good listener; but the truth is, most people’s appraisal of their listening ability is off target. Most people don’t truly listen. Instead, they listen to respond, to fix or to demonstrate their own experience or knowledge.

Research suggests listening isn’t a passive activity, great listeners don’t just hold the space for others, they share their experience, they ask provoking questions, and they make suggestions. Consider the effectiveness of your listening by completing the prompts below:

Often, what stops me from listening better is…

The three people I need to listen to more in my life are…

If I stopped and listened to myself, what I’d hear myself saying would be…

This month’s podcast recommendation is: Modern Wisdom.

George The TinMen is a filmmaker, pro-men’s advocate and content creator. What happens when an openly left-leaning man creates a huge Instagram account talking exclusively about male issues?

This month’s podcast recommendation is: Modern Wisdom.

George The TinMen is a filmmaker, pro-men’s advocate and content creator. What happens when an openly left-leaning man creates a huge Instagram account talking exclusively about male issues?

This month’s recommendation is a must-read for anyone who cares about their relationship: The 5 Love Languages.

Falling in love is easy, staying in love, that's the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and intensity of everyday life? In this New York Times bestseller, you'll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr Gary Chapman's proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner.

This month’s TED Talk is: 5 parenting tips for raising resilient, self-reliant kids.

With the school holidays in full flow, here’s an insightful and practical parenting Ted talk. How do you raise kids to step outside of their comfort zones and unlock their inner potential? It all starts with helping them develop a resilient mindset. Mother and business owner, Tameka Montgomery, makes the case for cultivating an entrepreneurial outlook at an early age and offers five strategies for emboldening young minds to embrace opportunities and solve their problems, no matter the path they choose.

A small group of 16 hardened and brave men ventured out into the bleakest of British Summers! We headed to the western fringes of the Brecon Beacons to visit Llyn Y fan Fawr and ascend Fan Brycheiniog via a steep, but fun gully.

8-ish miles of wind, drizzle and rain didn’t dampen our spirits; the conversation was quality and intimate. The talk topic of the walk was When are you at your best?

Follow the link to register: Join Men and Mountains

Sharing this again as I thoroughly believe it’s a powerful resource!

Without a doubt, the single best thing I’ve done (and am doing) this year for myself, my headspace, my sanity, and my ability to take a few minutes for myself each day is to join Shaun Doherty’s, 555 Club.

On the surface, it’s unbelievably simple. 5 minutes of breath work into 5 minutes of meditation (not the woo, woo kind) followed, lastly, by 5 minutes of gratitude or journalling, and all at convenient times throughout the day: 0745, 0845, 1145, 1645 and 1945, delivered live, over Zoom.

In a nutshell, the combination of accessibility, ease and impact of use, and super affordability, £12 per month, make being a member of 555 Club a complete no-brainer. I can’t recommend it enough; it feels like a thorough investment in myself, my well-being and my future.