The Cost of Chasing the Wrong Things: A Wake-Up Call for Modern Men

He realises that despite achieving career goals, financial milestones, and material comforts he once dreamt of, fulfilment still escapes him. He discovers that life's not a rehearsal, and the cost of playing someone else's game is high: strained relationships, deteriorating health, loneliness, and regret.

Societal success often rewards us externally, but it seldom nurtures us internally. When our self-worth becomes attached to external validation, we're essentially handing over our power, outsourcing our happiness to others.

To reclaim it, we need a strong sense of self, guided by personal values rather than societal expectations. Raising our bar means living intentionally. It means pursuing success defined by purpose, integrity, and genuine connection, rather than status or material symbols. It requires courage: the courage to disappoint others if it means being true to oneself, the courage to admit you're unfulfilled, and the courage to redefine what success genuinely looks like for you. 

Ultimately, chasing societal success exacts a heavy toll, not only financially, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Don't wait for your wake-up call; instead, use the quotes below and reflect on what success means to you:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why everyday role models matter.

Have you ever noticed how men like Donald Trump or even the controversial Andrew Tate become magnetic to some? Through their hyper-masculine bravado, locker-room banter, and relentless obsession with power and dominance, they sell a seductive and inaccurate illusion about what being a man supposedly means.

Yet beneath this bravado often lies a troubling fragility. Fragile masculinity is when men become deeply unsettled by anything that threatens their narrow, one-dimensional definition of manhood. It’s hiding sadness behind humour, masking insecurity with dominance, or shaming vulnerability as weakness. It’s the fear of admitting you're struggling or, worse, needing help.

I’ve seen successful men quietly crumble under societal expectations, haunted by the fear of not measuring up. They're trapped by comparisons, competing financially, professionally, and socially. This often breeds harmful behaviours like dismissing emotional openness as weakness or mocking those who deviate from outdated but still seen as ‘traditional’ masculinity.

Consider how this plays out: you're reluctant to show genuine sadness at the loss of a loved one, you're nervous about sharing parental responsibilities because ‘real men’ don’t stay home, or maybe you dismiss damaging behaviour in others as just ‘banter’ because calling it out feels risky.

But here’s the truth: good men don't need to prove their masculinity through dominance or arrogance. True strength is found in everyday acts of authenticity, kindness, and courage; it's about showing your children what healthy relationships look like, respecting your partner as an equal, or standing up against the BS of toxic locker-room humour.

It's up to each of us to become the role models our families, colleagues, and communities genuinely need. Be the man who demonstrates that masculinity isn't about control, dominance, or aggression, but integrity, empathy, and responsibility.

Because in the end, our legacy is not what we leave behind in terms of wealth and assets; instead, it’s what we role model to the generations that follow in our footsteps. Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider the impact of comparison in your life: 

1. Reflecting on your professional and personal life, where have you allowed comparisons with other men to determine your self-worth?
2. In what situations have you found yourself masking vulnerability with bravado or humour, and what did it cost you?
3. What one small, courageous act could you take today to become a healthier role model of masculinity for yourself and others?
   

In 2023, he left Google to warn people about the rising dangers of AI, and in this episode, he’s breaking his silence and sharing AI dangers, dangers he says no one is prepared for. He explains why there’s a real chance AI could lead to human extinction, how speaking out about AI got him silenced, and the 6 deadly threats AI poses to humanity right now. 

Nick, 47, owns a successful business, and to many casual observers, including family, friends, and colleagues, his life looks impressive.

Married, three teenagers, nice house and cars: the classic picture of Gen X success. Yet behind the thin veneer and fake smiles, he feels a sense of inner emptiness. He’s done what he thought being a husband and father demanded of him—he’s worked hard, and he’s provided.

But at home, he feels disconnected and unappreciated. He feels like little more than an Uber driver and cash machine for his kids, only needed for taxiing around and money. Conversations with his wife are distant; her problems seem trivial to him, and she seems disinterested in his world.

In quiet moments, Nick often thinks about where he is after 17 years of building his business.

By now, he feels he should feel proud and fulfilled, like his life’s work means more to him; instead, he recognises he’s caught somewhere between constant firefighting and an engaging but demanding cadence of work.

He can’t recall the last time he felt fulfilled. Happiness comes occasionally; it’s fleeting, and sadly, it’s usually experienced in a silo or when walking his dog.

I created this Ladder of First World Life to clarify where men are in their lives. Be truthful, at least with yourself. Where are you on this ladder?

Like many men, Nick is learning a life lesson: endless effort is a trap.

Living a better life means making deliberate choices that elevate you, not just your income or status, but your sense of self, your connections, and your legacy. 

Life’s ladder isn’t climbed just by striving harder. It’s climbed by choosing better.

Right now, Nick and many other men have a choice; they know it, they feel it. Silently endure the second half of a seemingly successful life, or pause, reflect, and redefine what truly matters.

This month’s TED Talk isn’t a TED; it’s Johnny Harris, an Emmy Award-winning independent journalist.

In his compelling YouTube video "1955 vs 2025: Who Actually Had It Better?"

Harris dives into the provocative question: has the pursuit of progress cost us more than we’ve gained?

Using sharp, data-backed insights, the video compares the baby boomers' generational prosperity and cultural cohesion with the fractured, high-pressure lives many men face today by examining, side by side, key societal metrics like financial stability, mental health, and social connection.

For the midlife, professionally successful yet quietly unfulfilled man, this contrast is a wake-up call. While on paper life looks better—higher incomes, more technology, etc.—the video challenges us to consider what we’re sacrificing in the name of societal success...

This video doesn’t offer easy answers, but it does provoke essential questions and is fully deserving of a small investment of time.

Over the years, we’ve experienced many mountainous areas, both in the UK and abroad, but this month’s M&M’s write-up is a check-in after a truly immersive, 4-day experience in the Dolomites.

Firstly, the Dolomites are spectacular; you can’t help but be in awe of the beautiful but savage surroundings. Our 3 days in the mountains and 1 day of mountain biking were remarkable, as was the group of men who gathered to share the adventure.

Over the 3 days, we experienced everything from strong sunshine to powerful thunder and hard-falling hail. On day 2 of our expedition, we overcame the adversity of a 12-hour mountain day where not a single step was straightforward or simple and included everything from exposed via ferrata sections and treacherous snow gully crossings to enduring a single 900-meter climb and scramble to stand at the top of 3100-metre peak, the Cima di Vezzana, the highest peak in the region. 

Every man had a moment, or two, on this day, but the courage, care, and camaraderie were palpable and felt by all; for many, the intensity of our shared adversity has forged friendships that will stand the test of time.

I feel hugely grateful for the whole experience: pursuing adventure, the intimacy of adversity, summiting high peaks, and building bonds with great men.

It has been highly contemplative for me and feels like a return to self. I recognise I’ve been trying too hard to make sense of the world and am tired from the effort of day-to-day life, but I return home feeling like my spirit is replenished and viscerally reminded of the simplicity of living. 

Up in the mountain range of the Palaronda di San Martino, there were many poignant moments, but the one I will share took place, ironically, not in the mountains but in the village immediately upon our return. As we walked on tired legs and sore feet, in search of a pub, we came across a monument to the mountain guides and rescue teams of the valley; fittingly, next to their statue stood the words of William Blake:

"Great things are done when men and mountains meet."

Our next walks are on Sunday, 3rd August, and Sunday, 7th September.

Here are two highlight reels from our mountain biking tour of the valley and our hut-to-hut hiking experience.

Watch our biking tour here.

Watch our hiking experience here.

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register: