May 2025
Time Poverty and the Modern Man's Loneliness
Chasing Societal Success: The Hidden Costs.
For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years, and in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards - only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis and divorce.
My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading toward it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success, is for you.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.
This month’s quote theme is: Why Men Chasing Societal Success Are Like Flies Drawn to Blue Light
Societal success is the modern man's blue light—irresistible, hypnotic, and ultimately destructive. We’re conditioned to chase titles, wealth, and status as if they’re markers of fulfilment, but much like flies mesmerised by that artificial glow, many men don’t realise the dangers of the game they're playing until it’s too late.
The cost, aside from burnout and hollow achievement, is that many relationships, marital and parental, is sacrificed at the altar of ambition. The irony? The success we’re after often isn’t even ours, yet we chase it blindly, believing the lie, I’ll be happy when I get the promotion, when I hit six figures, when I retire…
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: success, as sold to us, is a treadmill with no off switch, and by the time many men reach ‘retirement’, they’re too burnt out, too restless and too detached from their loved ones and friends to enjoy it.
Don’t spend decades living for someday only to realise it never comes; instead, consider and reflect on what success means to you using the quotes below
Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.
This month’s prompt theme is: How Time Poverty Fuels Loneliness in Men
Time poverty is an invisible crisis affecting countless professional men, particularly those juggling career demands with the responsibilities of the ‘sandwich generation’. But beyond neglected gym memberships or a distinct lack of engagement in hobbies lies a far deeper and unspoken consequence: profound loneliness.
According to ONS, despite being in the prime of life, men aged 35 to 44 are among the loneliest demographics in the UK; furthermore, and in a sad statistic, the November Foundation reports only 1 in 5 men say they have a close friend they can talk to about something deeply personal.
A 2023 study from the U.S. Surgeon General found loneliness is as harmful to long-term health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and even more damaging than obesity – and yet, many men continue to push through, in silence, convinced their self-sacrifice will be worth it!
If it is not apparent already, this mindset is costing us dearly. The chronic absence of meaningful connection and personal time erodes our sense of self and purpose. When we ignore the warning signs of burnout, isolation, and emotional fatigue, we lose not only our health but our lives.
It’s time for a shift. We must begin to treat time as the precious, finite resource it is. That means setting boundaries, saying no to the relentless hustle culture, and carving out space for real friendships, nature, and self-reflection. Reclaiming time isn’t just about managing our diaries better; it’s about living better lives.
Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider how well you’re showing up, or not, in your life:
- The true cost of me not protecting my time better is…
- Of all my friendships, the ones I know need to invest more time into are…
- If I were to honestly describe my life in only three words, those three words would be…
This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom.
William von Hippel, psychologist, professor, and author, returns to Modern Wisdom to explain why our modern lives feel so complex and how ignoring our prehistoric needs impacts our well-being today.
Through an evolutionary lens, he gives his considered opinion on who’s happier, has more connection, and life autonomy: us or hunter-gatherers.
Expect to learn if it would be helpful to return back to a simpler hunter-gatherer time of human evolution, why so many people struggle to be happy, why having autonomy is so important, which forces shape autonomy and connection and why we’ve come to worship individualism so much.
This month’s recommendation for any man looking to advance his life and live with greater integrity is: How to be a Stoic.
Stoicism teaches us to acknowledge our emotions, reflect on what causes them and redirect them for our own good. It’s a paradigm shifting perspective that equips practitioners of Stoicism with life enriching skills.
Author, Massimo Pigliucci explores this remarkable philosophy and how its wisdom can be applied to our everyday lives in the quest for meaning. He shows how stoicism teaches us the importance of a person's character, integrity and compassion.
Written in a non-academic style with frank, engaging language, and without any technicalities, this should be one of the first books you want to read if you're interested in Stoic philosophy.
Frankly, 2017 was a shit but transformative year!
I nearly lost my marriage and my sanity.
At the time, I lived at the extremes. Ultimately, I nearly chose death over honesty.
I was secretly suffering, wearing fake smiles, being all things to all people, spinning a million plates, pretending that my life felt as good as it looked – but the void between the two was eroding my soul.
I was in crisis and, like many men, still managed to appear invulnerable.
I resisted help.
Poor mental health wasn't on my radar; naively, I believed it was something weaker men than I experienced.
But my racing mind, sleepless nights and borderline panic attacks strongly suggested otherwise.
I was drowning in my thoughts. There were months of WTF! Finally, I broke down.
But that breakdown became my breakthrough.
Amongst many things, having sought support and taken time out from the complexities of the life I’d worked hard to build, I broke through the myth of masculinity, the flawed thinking that professional success equals personal happiness.
Life doesn’t hand out wisdom freely; it forges it through adversity. I learnt that true resilience isn’t about enduring more pain; it’s about learning how to live differently.
You can’t change the past, but you can, like I did, write a better future.
You can define success on your own terms. You can create a life that doesn’t just look good but also feels good. You can be successful and fulfilled.
To the men who feel stuck, who've sacrificed so much but feel like they’ve gained so little, you're not alone; your story isn’t over.
You don’t, in almost all cases, need to start again, and the life you want is still within reach.
Your breaking down of the facade, or the simple admittance (even in strict confidence) that change is required, could be your greatest breakthrough.
The cost of enduring your life isn’t worth it; either now or in the future, you will pay a debt for ignoring how you feel.
I’ve built a self-diagnostic tool; find out in less than two minutes by clicking the button below if you need a coach.
This month’s TED Talk is: Go Slow: Adopt the Pace of Nature
What is my relationship like with nature? asks Dr Christine Lynn Norton, Professor of Outdoor Therapy from Texas State University.
We all know that nature is good for us, but how often do we take time to intentionally connect with the natural world around us? In this heartfelt talk, interwoven with personal stories, Dr Norton shares a research-informed method for slowing down and connecting with nature to enhance our well-being and sense of belonging in the world.
For the first time in our history, we stepped away from our monthly walk in nature to support and participate in a half-marathon for our 2025 charitable partner, bigmoose.
Last year, 1,000 runners joined bigmoose for their Cardiff Fun Run. This year, that number grew to an incredible 6,069 runners! One runner for every life lost to suicide each year in the UK, which for me feels like a symbolic and heartwarming show of unity and support.
Among them, 19 men from Men & Mountains standing proudly on the start line!
The event? Superbly organised and full of passion and positivity, think thousands of people cheering from the sidelines, choirs, DJs, cowbells, blue skies, and even a bit of sunshine – Cardiff showed up in full force!
For our team, it was a day of first-timers and personal bests, and together we’ve raised over £2,500; but more than that, it felt like we were part of something truly meaningful; you could feel the positivity in every person there.
More about bigmoose. The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks, but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. Bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody. Through our partnership, the money we raise will be used exclusively to support men – here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.
Our next walk is on Sunday 11 May; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.
"An absolute must-read" – Ryan Jones MBE
My Amazon bestselling book, Rethinking Masculinity, is for any man who has experienced a setback, finds himself stagnant or is silently enduring the second half of his life. It’s a guide for any man who is questioning, ‘Is this it?’ or fears his best years are behind him.
It’s an accessible, thought-provoking and pragmatic read.
You can get your copy for free, just paying postage, via clicking the button to my website below.
