October 2025
A New Blueprint for Men in Midlife
Insights, reflections, and resources for men seeking meaning, courage, and a new blueprint for life
For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years, and in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards - only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis and divorce.
My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading toward it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success, is for you.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.
This month’s quote theme is: The slow demise of men in midlife.
In almost all cases, a man’s demise is gradual before it’s sudden. It doesn’t come from one catastrophic failure but from the quiet accumulation of compromises. Missing the gym ‘just this once’. Biting your tongue instead of saying what you really feel. Staying late at work rather than being present at home. Swallowing dissatisfaction, telling yourself this is just how life is.
Day by day, men shrink into smaller versions of themselves. What once felt like ambition becomes routine. What once gave purpose feels hollow. Here’s the truth: our lives expand or shrink in proportion to our courage.
The courage to say no when everything in you wants to appease. The courage to prioritise your health and relationships over deadlines. The courage to confront uncomfortable truths rather than bury them under busyness, bravado, or a drink at the end of the day.
Many men in midlife drift not because they lack intelligence, skills, or opportunities, but because they’ve stopped choosing courage. They’ve settled into comfort, mistaking it for safety, until one day they wake to the uncomfortable realisation that life isn’t a rehearsal.
But here’s the liberating part, and that I see every day in the clients I coach: at any moment, you’re only ever one good choice away from a more meaningful and better life. Think of one conversation you choose to have, one boundary you choose to enforce, and one step forward towards growth instead of a step back into retreat.
Middle age doesn’t have to be a slow fade; it can be a turning point. The second half of life isn’t about adding years; it’s about adding depth, purpose, and authenticity. But know this: the quality of your life isn’t decided in decades; it’s decided in the daily choices you’re making right now. Using the quotes above, take a moment to reflect on how you’re showing up.
Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.
This month’s prompt theme is: Time for a new blueprint.
For too long, men have been living by an outdated script. A blueprint forged in the Industrial Revolution, when our value became tied to productivity, and reinforced by the wars that silenced a generation of fathers. Men learnt to repress emotion, chase status, and equate worth with wealth.
That blueprint brought us here, but it no longer works. Today, the cracks are visible everywhere: middle-aged men are the loneliest demographic in Britain; 32% of UK men aged 45-55 report having hidden a mental health issue from their partner; perhaps it is not surprising that 42% of UK marriages end in divorce…
Despite unprecedented opportunity, too many men remain trapped in conformity, overworking, over-consuming, and overcompensating. They live by comparison, chasing someone else’s definition of success, whilst feeling trapped in the lives they’ve worked hard to build.
It doesn’t have to be this way. The new blueprint of masculinity (which I offer in my Amazon bestseller, Rethinking Masculinity) isn’t about dominance or detachment; it’s about wholeness. It calls us to lead ourselves first, to show up for our families, not just as providers, and to contribute to our communities.
This isn’t easy, but given the polarisation and state of the world, the role and function of men needs to shift. We need to break free from societal conformity, confronting the fears of judgment and of being different. The question is: will you keep following the old blueprint, or will you summon the courage to craft a new one? Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider whether you’re truly living…
- What parts of the old blueprint – workaholism, suppression, status chasing – still shape how you live today?
- Where in your life are you conforming to expectations, rather than leading with authenticity?
- If your son or daughter modelled their life on yours, what legacy would you be leaving them?
This month’s recommendation is: Inside the Mind of Champions.
In this powerful episode, Jeremy Snape, former England cricketer and founder of Sporting Edge, sits down with Andy Salmon, CEO of Swim England, for a candid conversation about leadership, culture, and courage in the face of crisis.
Brought in after scandals involving bullying, body shaming, and safeguarding failures. Andy’s challenge was nothing short of transformational: to reset Swim England’s culture, rebuild trust, and co-create a vision for the future. What stands out here is Andy’s honesty, his willingness to own past failures and to speak openly about the scale of change required.
This isn’t surface-level culture change; it’s a deep dive into what happens when values, behaviours, and leadership don’t align and how they can be rebuilt through transformational change.
With insights from Professor Roger Steare on ethical culture, the conversation highlights the critical balance between strong principles and consistent, everyday behaviours. For leaders, this episode is a reminder: change starts with the courage to face the truth.
This month’s recommendation is: Courage is Calling.
Fortune has always favoured the bold. From Marcus Aurelius to Mandela, history remembers those who dared, not those who shrank. Yet today, too many men live paralysed by fear of failure, judgment, or simply stepping into the unknown.
In Courage is Calling, Ryan Holiday distils ancient Stoic wisdom into something modern men desperately need: a reminder that everything in life begins with courage. Not bravado, not recklessness, but the quiet strength to do the right thing, stand up for what matters, and act, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Holidays challenge the illusion of safety in staying the same. He critiques hollow displays of courage in our times and instead points us toward the deeper virtues that make life extraordinary: creativity, perseverance, and integrity. Some authors give advice; Holiday distils wisdom. His words are both timeless and timely, I hope, especially if this month’s Bulletin resonates. I hope that you read this book.
Nick, 47, owns a successful business, and to many casual observers, including family, friends, and colleagues, his life looks impressive.
Married, three teenagers, nice house and cars: the classic picture of Gen X success. Yet behind the thin veneer and fake smiles, he feels a sense of inner emptiness.
He’s done what he thought being a husband and father demanded of him – he’s worked hard, and he’s provided. But at home, he feels disconnected and unappreciated. He feels little more than an Uber driver and an ATM for his kids.
Conversations with his wife are distant; her problems seem trivial to him, and she seems disinterested in his world.
In quiet moments, Nick often thinks about where he is after 17 years of building his business. By now, he feels he should feel proud and fulfilled, like his life’s work means more to him. Instead, he recognises he’s caught somewhere between constant firefighting and an engaging but demanding cadence of work.
He can’t recall the last time he felt fulfilled. Happiness comes occasionally; it’s fleeting, and sadly, it’s usually experienced in a silo or when walking his dog.
I created this Ladder of First World Life to clarify where men are in their lives. Be truthful, at least with yourself. Where are you on this ladder?
Like many men, Nick is learning a life lesson: endless effort is a trap.
Living a better life means making deliberate choices that elevate you, not just your income or status, but your sense of self, your connections, and your legacy.
Life’s ladder isn’t climbed just by striving harder; it’s climbed by choosing better. Right now, Nick and many other men have a choice; they know it, they feel it. Silently endure the second half of a seemingly successful life, or pause, reflect, and redefine what truly matters.
This month’s TED Talk isn’t a TED; instead, it’s the timeless wisdom of Alan Watts, who spends 20 minutes inviting us to Stop Rushing.
If you live in work-life conflict, feel frantic, or occasionally overwhelmed, this one is for you. Alan Watts reminds us that life is not a race to be won, nor a destination to arrive at. And yet, so many of us live as though it is, constantly striving, rushing, comparing, and pushing towards a finish line that never truly exists.
His invitation is both simple and deeply challenging: be awake in your own life. Instead of being consumed by the treadmill of striving, he calls us to become balanced participants, present, grounded, and open to the richness of each moment.
Slowing down is not about doing less; it’s about experiencing more. It’s about noticing the beauty, the connection, and the joy that often get lost when we’re sprinting from one goal to the next.
22 men came together for September’s Men & Mountains walk; we covered nearly 9 miles through a remote but stunning section of the Brecon Beacons. The landscape gave us everything the Welsh mountains could throw at us: bright sunshine, heavy rain, fierce winds, and even a touch of autumn chill.
As always, our miles and time together weren’t just about the terrain. Along the way, the conversation centred on a powerful question: What’s the one thing you’d regret not doing, achieving, or experiencing before the end of 2025?
It sparked honest reflection and meaningful dialogue, reminding us all that time is finite, and intention matters.
In October, rather than exploring South Wales, 16 men will be immersed in a three-day Snowdonia expedition. Our next walk in South Wales will be on Sunday, 16th November.
Images from our September walk here.
If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register.
Midlife confusion is part of the journey.
If you’ve lost your bearings in life, your enthusiasm, your drive, and your sense of meaning, finding them must become your priority.
When you start living with greater intentionality, regardless of your current circumstances or how deep your confusion runs, everything begins to settle into place.
It’s what I see, week in, week out, when I’m working with myself, facing silent struggles, languishing in midlife, or sitting with the quiet realisation that they don't want to waste the second half of their lives.
100% of my past clients – business owners, corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, MBA graduates, sportsmen, and many multi-millionaires – recommend what I do.
I’m not a listening service. I’m not passive. Through curiosity, compassion, and ultimately courage, I invite men into a space where we face up to what’s working and what’s not so they can progress themselves and their lives, both personally and professionally.
If you’re not sure what you need, but you know you need something, my entry point is a one-off coaching consultation.
It’s a low-commitment, high-return, 90-minute session.
Message me if you’re ready to take the first step.
