Rethinking Success and Facing What We Resist

Men are particularly prone to shouldering their burdens alone. Research shows that only 27% of men who experience adverse mental health struggles (anxiety, panic attacks, depression, feelings of withdrawal) ever speak to a professional. Many wear the mask of ‘I’m fine’, a false smile concealing the omnipresent stress, disconnection and self-doubt they feel. But what’s buried doesn’t disappear; it festers, often emerging later as burnout, resentment, isolation or a crisis.

The truth is, avoidance has a cost: every deferred conversation, every ignored boundary, every postponed decision compounds quietly in the background. And when the bill arrives in our health, marriages, or mental or emotional well-being, it’s usually far greater than the discomfort of facing things earlier.

What if the courage isn’t in carrying more but in confronting what’s misaligned? What if strength looks like telling the truth, first to ourselves, then to those around us? Using the quotes above, take a moment to reflect on how you’re showing up.

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Rethinking Success in a World That Never Stops.

We live in an age where noise is the default; think 24/7 connectivity, relentless busyness, and a constant demand to have more and for us to do more. Our pace feels calibrated to fracture rather than sustain.

In the UK, 74% of people say they’ve felt so stressed in the past year they were overwhelmed; The Guardian are calling our collective experience the national stress crisis.

It’s easy for men, especially in midlife, to lose themselves one small compromise at a time. In my work, I often hear clients talk about giving up hobbies, living lives where they do little for themselves and recounting past events rather than being enthused to make new memories.

This is why the longing for less pressurised isn’t escapism: it’s a pushback. A refusal to bow to a worldview that says you must always achieve, always optimise, always perform. Instead, it says, let’s live intentionally. Let’s choose fewer things, deeper connections and a more spacious experience. 

Part of that shift is about becoming time-rich, not time-poor. We don’t need more hours in the day; we need to reclaim the ones we already have from distraction, overcommitment, and shallow busyness.

You don’t have to abandon your ambitions to do this, but perhaps you’d live better if your ambitions were held in balance with rest, reflection, and relationships. The question worth asking isn’t just what do I want to achieve?, but also how do I want to experience the limited time I have while I’m achieving it? Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider whether you’re truly living…

1. Which parts of my life feel most alive and meaningful, and which feel transactional, shallow, or draining?
2. If I reclaimed just one hour a day for myself, how would I choose to spend it, and what does that reveal about my deeper needs?
3. How do I want the next decade of my life to feel, not just look, and what shifts are required to make that possible?
   

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom. 

If you’re interested in sharpening your mental edge, improving your emotional well-being, or simply understanding how your brain shapes the quality of your life. I highly recommend listening to this episode with Dr Daniel Amen. 

Amen is one of the world’s leading psychiatrists and brain health experts. This conversation is packed with insights on how we can upgrade the organ that drives everything else. He explains, in clear and practical terms, how lifestyle, habits, nutrition, trauma and even thought patterns physically shape the brain, and how that in turn influences mood, focus, motivation, relationships and decision-making.

Aside from Amen’s pragmatic principles, what I found most powerful is his message that you’re not stuck. With the right information and intentional choices, you can literally change your brain and change your life. These 90 minutes can genuinely shift how you think about thinking, either helping you get unstuck or bringing forward your potential.

A BetterMen Man-ifesto: simple rules for a life you actually enjoy...

Most professionally successful, middle-aged men aren't genuinely enjoying their lives. In fact, recent research shows that more than 50% of men aged 40-55 describe themselves as unhappy, dissatisfied, or stuck in their lives.

If you're silently nodding, you're not alone. 

We live in a world obsessed with consumption; think: endless social scrolling, self-help podcasts on demand, and inboxes crammed with content promising transformation. 

Recently, a client reminded me of the powerful simplicity in Leonardo da Vinci’s words: ‘Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.’

With this principle firmly in mind, here are 8 simple but powerful life truths. Get these right, and not only will everything else become significantly easier, but you'll also enjoy your life more often.

1. You are what you eat – limit sugar. Don't complicate nutrition; just reduce sugar and watch your clarity and energy rise.

2. Movement is medicine – inactivity isn’t just a health risk; it guarantees a reduced quality of life as you age. Move intentionally and regularly.

3. Your mind is your greatest asset or your biggest liability – invest in learning how to manage your thoughts, or they'll manage you.

4. Conversation is the key to connection – genuine conversations build genuine relationships. Schedule them, protect them, cherish them.

5. Sleep is the Swiss Army knife of health – prioritise sleep hygiene, or pay the price energetically, mentally, and emotionally.

6. Attention is the most basic form of love – your presence is infinitely more valuable than presents. Show up fully for those you love, and lead.

7. Boundaries protect your life – decide what truly matters and guard your time and energy accordingly.

8. Seek change and challenge – growth never happens in comfort. Men find meaning, purpose, and fulfilment in the challenges they willingly choose.

In short: limit sugar, move often, manage your mind, prioritise conversations, sleep deeply, be deliberately attentive, set clear boundaries, and choose meaningful challenges.

Life's complexities don’t always require complex solutions, but they do demand clarity, intentionality, and consistency.

What principles would you add to my BetterMen Man-ifesto…?

Which of the principles above do you already know you need to do better in…?

This month’s TED Talk is: This Could Be Why You’re Depressed or Anxious.

If you live in work-life conflict, feel frantic, or occasionally overwhelmed, this one is for you. Alan Watts reminds us that life is not a race to be won, nor a destination to arrive at. And yet, so many of us live as though it is, constantly striving, rushing, comparing, and pushing towards a finish line that never truly exists.

His invitation is both simple and deeply challenging: be awake in your own life. Instead of being consumed by the treadmill of striving, he calls us to become balanced participants, present, grounded, and open to the richness of each moment.

Slowing down is not about doing less; it’s about experiencing more. It’s about noticing the beauty, the connection, and the joy that often get lost when we’re sprinting from one goal to the next.

16 men. 1 mountain range. 3 days in the wild heart of Snowdonia. Our Men & Mountains expedition wasn’t about conquering peaks; it was about reconnecting with nature, each other, and, importantly, ourselves.

Amid the relentless wind and driving rain of Storm Amy, we pressed on, mostly soaked, sometimes cold, but alive – the kind of aliveness that modern life often numbs.

There was something sacred in the simplicity: the raw beauty of nature, the shared flasks of coffee, the laughter cutting through the storm.

No roles, no titles, no pretence, just men walking shoulder to shoulder. By the time we descended on our third day, our knees ached and our feet felt tired, but our spirits were recharged.

The mountains had stripped away the noise and reminded us who we are, beneath the layers. It’s as John Muir said, ‘In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks.’

We came for the mountains. We left with something far greater: a renewed sense of connection, brotherhood, and aliveness. If you’d benefit from this kind of connection and peer support/experience, join us; our final dates for 2025 are 16 Nov and 13 Dec.

Special mention to Sam Marshall for his diligence and professionalism, for making the mountains, even in a recognised storm, safe.

Watch our montage from our Snowdonia experience here.

If you want to join our community for walks or kinship, click the button below to register.