You’re Doing Everything…But at What Cost?

We absorb pressure without making it someone else’s problem. There’s a quiet pride in that, but also a quiet cost.

Have you noticed, somewhere along the way, life becomes something you manage rather than something you experience? Data from the Office for National Statistics shows men in midlife often report lower well-being despite being at their peak in terms of career and earnings. And research referenced by the Harvard Business Review highlights the rise of ‘time famine’ among professionals—successful men who feel permanently behind, no matter how much they get done.

It’s not laziness; it’s a load. And the more you carry alone, the less space you have to think, feel, or even notice what’s slipping. As the Stoic philosopher Socrates warned: Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

Because being busy can look like progress, but for some, it can simply feel more like absence. You’re there but distracted, listening but not really hearing, providing but quietly wondering what it’s all for.

This isn’t about blowing your life up or chasing something new, but it is about honesty. About recognising that time is finite and that continuing on autopilot has a cost, not just to you, but to the people around you. At some point, every man has to face it: Am I living my life…or just managing it?

Consider and reflect, using the quotes above, on your own experiences and how you show up as a man:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: What season are you actually in?

Spring, on paper, is about renewal. Longer days, more light, the natural world coming back to life. You feel it when you’re outside…but if you’re honest, not every part of your life follows that same pattern.

For a lot of men, nothing really changes. Despite the new season, they experience the same pressure, the same pace.

They keep going because that’s what they do, with some part of them already knowing that they’re heading toward destination regret.

Bronnie Ware, palliative care nurse and author, spent years sitting with people at the end of their lives. In her respectful and compassionate conversation, what she found was that, generally, most people don’t have a single, dramatic moment of regret; instead, they regret the slow drift they allowed to erode their best years.

Succinctly, they regretted the things they knew, felt, even sensed needed to change…but didn’t.

That feeling isn’t foreign; most men recognise it. A quiet nudge, a thought that returns when things slow down. A sense that something isn’t quite right, or at least not as right as it could be. Not enough to force action…but enough to be noticed. They park it and push it down, replacing that feeling with more work and more doing.

And over time, that’s what builds regret: not one big error, but a series of small avoidances like ignoring yourself, delaying conversations, and staying where it’s familiar, even when it’s no longer right.

Spring doesn’t demand a full reset, but it does offer a moment…A chance to notice what you’ve been ignoring, to perhaps stop overriding yourself, and to make a change…Take a moment to get honest; use the prompts below to consider what you’re minimising or avoiding:

1. What conversations am I avoiding, and what is that costing me?
2. Where have I normalised something that doesn’t actually feel good or aligned?
3. What is one small, honest change I could make now that future me would thank me for?
   

This month’s recommendation is: Modern Wisdom: The Masculinity Debate is a Huge Mess.

Give this one a listen. The first few minutes are a bit Americanised in framing, but it settles quickly. And when it does, it gets into territory most men are either confused around or avoid (often for fear of saying the wrong things). 

For me, it objectively tackles the reality facing men and boys today: falling behind in education, struggling with purpose, disconnecting from work and relationships, and the quiet drift into isolation. There’s a clear thread throughout; society has moved, but many men haven’t been given a roadmap for where they now fit.

For those not familiar with Richard Reeves, he’s spent years at the Brookings Institution researching inequality and has been one of the few prepared to say, publicly and consistently, that men and boys are now struggling in ways we’re not addressing. His book, Of Boys and Men, has shaped policy conversations, challenged lazy narratives, and opened the door for a more balanced, honest discussion around gender. He’s a commentator not craving attention, and for that reason, I really encourage you to actively listen to this conversation.

Most professional men live with an unspoken expectation.

They expect that career success or business growth will create a sense of happiness and fulfilment. When that fulfilment doesn’t arrive, and for many, it doesn’t, they’re unprepared.

There’s no plan for what happens next. So they do the only thing they know:

They double down.

They work more.
They give more.
They push harder.

They exist in a chronic state of stress and struggle, believing that if they just keep going, eventually the life they want will appear.

But for most, it’s a flawed strategy.

They fall, often subtly, into traps of their own making: lives filled with achievement but lacking purpose, energy, connection, health, and time. Jack London captured it perfectly: the proper function of a man is to live, not exist.

As you start settling into spring, ask yourself honestly, "Am I living, or just existing?”

This month’s TED Talk is: Stoicism as a Philosophy for an Ordinary Life.

This talk is worth 18 minutes of your time. It centres on a simple but uncomfortable idea: many of us aren’t actually living deliberately; instead, we’re defaulting. Careers, routines, even identities get built through momentum rather than conscious choice.

The speaker breaks down how easy it is to follow a path that looks successful on paper yet feels disconnected in reality. It challenges the assumption that staying busy, productive, and on track is enough. It isn’t. Without reflection, busyness just reinforces a life you didn’t properly design.

There’s no big dramatic message here, just a clear Stoic invitation to pause and ask yourself better questions, such as, 'Am I choosing this…or just continuing it?'

With me currently managing a broken ankle, the mountains are on pause for now. Despite this, the intention behind Men & Mountains remains unchanged; think connection, conversation and camaraderie, and that’s what April’s get-together was all about.

In stunning conditions, with a calm sea stretching out in front of us, Oxwich Bay was breathtakingly beautiful. Clear skies, warm sun, and a stillness that set the tone for the day.

We booked out the saunas and used the pleasantly refreshing sea to regulate the experience: heat, cold, conversation, repeat. Simple, but effective; space to slow down, to talk, or just sit and be.

Afterwards, the guys led themselves around the dunes of Oxwich, stretching the walk out toward Three Cliffs Bay. Later, we regrouped for lunch, sharing a feast and honesty.

The experience was nourishing in every sense: physically, mentally and socially. For me, it was proof that even without the mountains, the depth of the group doesn’t change. Here’s our agenda for the next couple of months:

• 10 May – Food, Beers, Comedy Club (Cardiff Bay)
• 12-14 Jun – 3-Day Mountain Event (Lake District)

See images from our sauna day at Oxwich:

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