Emotional Numbness in Men: The Hidden Cost of Success

Research consistently shows that men have a far smaller emotional vocabulary than women and are significantly less likely to discuss their internal states. Psychologists call this normative male alexithymia, the difficulty identifying and describing emotions, and it’s strongly linked to higher rates of depression, relationship breakdown, and, sadly, suicide.

In the UK, three out of four suicides are men, not because men feel less, but because many don’t know how to access what they feel or don’t feel safe enough to express it, so they default to what they know: rational explanation.

Men tell you why something makes sense instead of saying how it feels or hurts. They offer solutions instead of vulnerability; they stay in their heads because the body feels like unfamiliar territory.

Yet the truth is simple: the body always knows first, through tension, fatigue, irritability, restlessness, or numbness. These are not weaknesses; they are signals, invitations and messages asking to be heard.

In my work, I help men make a shift; I invite them out of their heads and back into their bodies because when a man reconnects with what he truly feels, something profound changes. He becomes less tense and reactive and instead is clearer, calmer, more present and self-trusting. Consider and reflect, using the quotes above, on how you’re experiencing yourself in your own life:

Sit down to take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.

This month’s prompt theme is: Why Men Refuse the Call of Change, Even When Life Is Clearly Not Working.

There comes a point in many men’s lives when the evidence is undeniable. The job feels heavy rather than meaningful, success feels strangely hollow, relationships feel functional rather than alive, energy is lower, patience thinner, and purpose foggier.

It’s not dramatic. It’s quieter than that. It feels like drifting, slowly, steadily, toward life’s proverbial rocks. And yet, despite seeing the warning signs, many men still refuse the call of change.

This is the enduring power of the Myth of Masculinity: the belief that if we just work hard enough, achieve enough, and provide enough, happiness will eventually follow.

But the data tells a different story. Midlife, particularly between 40 and 55, is consistently shown to be the lowest point in male life satisfaction. Divorce rates peak during this period, male loneliness is now described as an epidemic, with men significantly less likely to maintain close friendships, and in the UK, suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50.

This isn’t a coincidence. It’s a consequence.

Many men are living plagiarised lives, lives shaped by expectation, comparison, and silent pressure; they spend decades pursuing external markers of success while an internal void quietly widens. By midlife, the cost becomes harder to ignore. Yet instead of changing course, many men respond in predictable ways.

Some withdraw, becoming smaller, quieter, and emotionally distant. Others double down, working harder, earning more, pushing faster, hoping motion will fix meaning. Both are forms of resistance.

Change at midlife isn’t just practical; it’s existential. It requires letting go of identities that once defined you, admitting that success didn’t deliver what you were promised, and accepting that life isn’t a problem to solve but an adventure to live.

At some point, because the tensions won’t disappear, the dissatisfaction won’t fade, and the quiet voice won’t go away – it’ll only grow louder – life’s invitation to change will expire.

But when a man finally turns toward his challenges, something remarkable happens: obstacles become opportunities, fear creates clarity, and the loss of self can birth a newer, truer identity.

Midlife isn’t a time to survive. It’s an invitation to recalibrate, and, for many men, myself and clients, the first real chance to build a life that is truly their own. Take a moment to get honest; use the prompts below to consider your life:

1. What parts of your life feel stuck and frustrating, and how long have you known this to be true?
2. What is the quiet voice inside you currently asking for that you keep postponing or silencing?
3. Where in your life are you quietly tolerating what the best version of you would never accept?
   

This month’s recommendation is: Pete Wicks' Man Made.

In this raw and deeply honest discussion, Professor Green (Stephen Manderson) opens up about the long shadow of childhood trauma, the search for safety in his own body, and the complicated journey of learning how to support himself and, now, his son.

There’s no self-help gloss or tidy conclusions; instead, it’s an uncommon dialogue about accountability, grief and fatherhood. The work of becoming emotionally aware later in life, especially for men who grew up without being taught the tools to support themselves.

There’s no self-help gloss or tidy conclusions; instead, it’s an uncommon dialogue about accountability, grief, fatherhood, and the work of becoming emotionally aware later in life – especially for men who grew up without being taught the tools to support themselves.

For any man navigating the tension between the past that shaped him and the responsibility of raising the next generation differently, this conversation offers something rare and is worthy of your time – skip the intro and midpoint adverts, though.

The inner nagging you're ignoring is costing you more than you think!

You’ve climbed the ladder, built the business, and ticked the boxes. You’ve spent years doing what you were told mattered, yet beneath the thin veneer of success, something feels off.

I see you. You’re the successful executive, the respected leader, and the ambitious business owner who privately wonders, 'How have I achieved so much yet feel so empty?’

There's an inner nagging within you, a restless whisper you’ve learned to silence with busyness, distraction, or denial. You rationalise it: I'll slow down later, things will be different next year, or the ever-elusive I'll be happy when…

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: every day you ignore that whisper, you risk paying the price in loneliness, failing relationships, or silent regret.

Real success isn’t measured in your bank balance or boardroom title. It’s measured in health, connection, and moments that truly matter.

You can keep quieting that inner voice, or you can finally listen and choose meaningful change.

My clients are men like you. Men who've realised success without fulfilment are little more than failure disguised. They’ve stopped tolerating emptiness in exchange for societal approval and started investing courageously in themselves and their futures.

So let me ask you candidly…

What’s your inner nagging telling you, and how much longer will you pretend not to hear it?

This month’s TED Talk is: How to Claim Your Leadership Power.

This is an honest talk with a simple but powerful message many men quietly need to hear. Magnus Walker, an unlikely entrepreneur who built a global fashion brand from instinct rather than strategy, speaks about something we’re often conditioned to ignore: our gut feeling.

He reflects on how society pushes us toward logic, safety, and approval, while our deepest direction usually comes from something far less rational, an internal knowing we can’t always explain. What makes this talk resonate is its ‘northern’ honesty. It’s not about motivation or hype; it’s about learning to listen to yourself when the world is telling you to do the opposite.

For men who feel they need to override instinct in favour of responsibility, expectation, or certainty, it’s a timely reminder: sometimes the clearest guidance doesn’t come from thinking harder; it comes from learning to trust what you already feel.

January’s Men & Mountains was a lumpy affair! In typical mountainous weather, damp and misty, 26 men stepped off on a route that focused on the less explored and more remote northern aspect of Pen Y Fan.

With an undulating, trailblazing route that includes a couple of stream crossings and lung-busting climbs, it was good, adventurous fun. Our topic of conversation was: what did you learn about yourself or life in 2025, and how will you apply those lessons in 2026?

Our first walk of the year also provided the opportunity to share our charitable partner for 2026: Western Beacons Mountain Rescue. Whilst there’s no cost to join our walks, we actively encourage all attendees to support our charitable initiative; the suggested donation is just £5 per walk.

We love the hills, and we also know how quickly a great day out can turn serious when the weather shifts, someone slips, or a route goes wrong. That's why we’re pleased to be raising money for the volunteers who respond 24/7, 365 days a year. As Martin Thompson (our Charity Secretary) put it, 'Every pound helps keep our mountains, and the people who enjoy them, safer.' 

Check out their website here.

View our JustGiving page for those who wish to support our cause here.

See images from our January walk here.

If you have basic equipment and reasonable fitness, join us; our forthcoming walks are:

• 8 March
• 19 April
• 10 May